


What You Leave Behind

by HadenXCharm



Series: Last Summer [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Canon Universe, Coming of Age, First Time, Fluff, Growing Up, Horny Teenagers, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kagami PoV, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Meta, Moving On, New Relationship, OC Ex-boyfriend - Freeform, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Personal Growth, Sequel, Teen Romance, aomine having gay panic episodes, kagami is a big gay fool, the fluff and random bf shenanigans we need after 140k of bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2020-05-31 07:18:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 68,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19421128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HadenXCharm/pseuds/HadenXCharm
Summary: He and Aomine, just starting out. What a wonderful thing to be happening.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, glad you found the second part, it's great to see you here! I really want to thank you again on the response to the main fic, TTYCR, it's been amazing to read all your comments, I feel so happy to see them. I'll be glad to hear from you again in this one. 
> 
> Just a warning, these sequel pieces certainly don't have as much plot as the first one and weren't as well thought out. I'm not as proud of them as I am of the main story. Mostly because they're really just a jumble of scenes that I wanted to include, but just didn't fit in the first story given that it cuts off right when they get together. So what's left over is a bunch of snippets that I tried to sew together. There's some insight into what Kagami was thinking in some of the main scenes, a look into his life with Aomine as their relationship progresses, how their physical relationship starts, etc. I'll also warn you there's a lot of dense chunks that are just straight up meta with no dialogue for pages on end. It also jumps around a lot, timewise. I just don't want anyone to come to this with really high expectations, I put most of my work into the main story and these are the leftovers.
> 
> Basically, if the overarching theme of TTYCR was jealousy, growing up, and learning to love, then this one is basically sweet first love scenes and Aomine going through various stages of gay panic. So be ready for that, and a bunch of other stuff that goes nowhere.
> 
> Also, this is just an excuse for the cathartic hurt/comfort, random silliness, and romance that we needed after all that angst and drama. Please enjoy.

Kagami can remember the exact moment he first met Aomine.

That kind of stuff usually fades. He’s at that age where it can become difficult to remember how exactly you came across people, even one’s closest friends. Even his brother Tatsuya, near and dear to his heart and inextricably linked to his greatest passions, although the memory is precious, the exact details have gone fuzzy with time.

What you said to each other, how you walked down the road that would eventually lead you here— brought to the person you’ve come to care about and know so well, it doesn’t stay, eventually buried under the weight of the countless other memories that follow.

That’s just how it is. Day to day interactions come and go, repeat and blur together, no matter how fondly you hold them in your heart, and at some point the first day gets lost.

It’s not like that with Aomine. But he’s never been like most people.

With Aomine, all of it, the first day, the first moment he’d seen him, even down to the first time he’d heard his name, the first time Kuroko had told him about Aomine, the sad story of a jaded prodigy, the flare of irritation at his purported arrogance— _too good to lose? The only one who can beat me is me? What a joke—_

Coming across him on the court in the dark. Making eye contact with these lazy hooded eyes, the surprise and awe at the speed and grace with which he broke past him, the instant recognition that even in his excellence, he was barely trying. Realizing at once it was him: Aomine Daiki. Who else could it be.

It’s all as clear in his mind as if he could relive it again.

Their first game. The utter excitement at butting heads with such an extraordinary opponent, streetball moves that could make the kids back in the states cry, movements too quick to follow, outrageous stunts Kagami hadn’t even thought possible guided with a lazy fluid hand. It’s like when he plays, he leaves things like _gravity_ behind.

And he doesn’t even look like he’s having fun.

The worst thing is that even given all that, it’s clear that he’s still barely even trying. He dribbles around them like their efforts are cute, and not worth putting up a real fight against. Because he so clearly doesn’t need to— and it’s that cool dismissal that boils Kagami’s blood.

Excitement had turned to frustration at being a step behind, pitifully impotent, barely able to keep up. Rage at the loss— absolute fucking rage at the way Aomine’s steely eyes and smug but resigned smirk pierced into him. An expression that said he knew from the start that they couldn’t stand up to him, known all along that there was no point in this charade. It aggravates Kagami to no end, a fury that burnt so hot that he didn’t think he unclenched his teeth until he swore to himself that he’d whoop that smirk off his sorry face one day. He swore to himself that Aomine would be forced to actually try. No matter what that takes.

He remembers that day too. Their first Winter Cup match, back in freshman year. Aomine’s face, slack with defeat, looking almost lost, but fixated on him.

And you know what else he remembers?

He remembers a ferocious brilliant thing, lighting up his heart from the inside in a sudden burst like fuel breathed onto a simmering coal. Something he recognized at once.

Aomine’s gaze and the way it pierced him straight through to the heart, electrified him. Tension that radiates and crackles in the air around them plain as day, gearing him up.

His basketball— Obnoxious and impractical, all at once far too lazy and yet, pulling off moves that were unbelievable mostly because of how they had obviously taken way too much effort to learn— disgustingly elaborate shots that he was making with ease.

And when he went all out, when Kagami finally drove Aomine to the edge, when Kagami truly saw Aomine in the zone, he was absolutely captivated, he couldn’t pull his eyes away.

It’s beautiful. Wild. _Perfect—_

Off the court, he isn’t much different, but he’s captivating for an entirely different reason, and it doesn’t take long to realize that. Aomine is confident. Cocky. Demands attention at all times. Dismisses and ignores anything that can’t hold his interest. His aloof and selfish attitude is infuriating, and reconciling that side of him with the respect and amazement Kagami had felt upon seeing him play that first time, it’s difficult. Obviously Kagami can’t let a guy like that know he was impressed by him, no matter how incredible he is.

Intense volcanic crush the size of the fucking sun or not, the guy’s also kind of an ass.

He would get unbearably smug if he knew what Kagami thought of his skill, and if there’s one thing Kagami can’t stand, it’s a pretentious jackass. He doesn’t get any less irksome with time, even as they start seeing more of each other, especially since he’s seemed to make it his life’s mission to annoy the shit out of Kagami. However, he does seem undeniably… _different,_ after their match at the Winter Cup.

True to his word, Kagami meets Aomine every once in a while for a match and puts up his best fight— ‘entertains’ him for a while, even though that still sounds unbearably pretentious. Smug bastard though he may be, Kagami puts up with his rotten annoying attitude, because Aomine’s basketball gets no less amazing, no less captivating with time. He can’t find a pattern in it, often can’t keep up with the intense, unplanned, but somehow coordinated whirl of movement as Aomine engages him— drives him to the zone. The more he sees his play, the more it draws him in.

And the same thing happens with Aomine himself.

Even though Aomine beats him again and again on the street court, the resigned somber look in his eyes is like a bad memory. Larger than life, obnoxious, aloof and self-absorbed, there’s a boyish glint that crosses his face that Kagami can’t look away from. For the life of him, no matter how much he infuriates Kagami, he can’t look away—

For a while that’s how it was. An uncontrollable blinding light in his chest that he didn’t dwell on much other than the utter elation it brought when they were on the court together. A crush at the least, and at the most—

Aomine’s always been kind of an dick, the kind of guy that pushes all his buttons and knows just how to irk him, but there’s more to him. There’s always more. The closer he gets, the brightness just increases in intensity.

It’s after the Vorpal Swords game. He’s pretty sure that’s when it really ramped up. It was there before of course, but the intensity spiked to a peak he couldn’t ignore.

By that point they’d settled into their relationship: an antagonistic but ultimately friendly rivalry.

He would say looking back, he’d thought he already knew what there was to know about Aomine Daiki, a jackass that you eventually grow fond of, no matter how irritating he inevitably remains, because the guy just grows on you if you let him— and having a crush on him was just the burden he had to bear, but Kagami really got to know him last year over the summer. The one between first and second year.

He’s not sure how to describe it exactly, because _soft side_ doesn’t seem to cover it. Needless to say, that summer, Kagami thinks he finally got to understand what Kuroko had meant when he’d said _Aomine-kun wasn’t always like this…_

Aomine has another side to him. One he’d only gotten a few glimpses of until then. And when he got close enough to really see it, it’s like closing a circuit.

All the feelings that already existed inside him coalesced like static to a lightning rod. Shooting through his body and into his bones, aglow and vibrating blue and white, clamping his teeth together in his skull, too much to be contained and yet his hand stays clasped there despite the incredible pain and intensity, unable to release its grip. It feels like far too much emotion for one boy’s body, and yet he thrums with the energy of it all. It’s a beautiful feeling.

Falling in love. Feet first and plummeting, shoes spread to meet the court.

That’s something that never gets forgotten.

. . .

Kagami’s gay.

He’s known that since he was in middle school. Puberty was kind of like hell for him to be honest. He can still think back to the first day he woke up stiff and with damp sheets, and the panic of trying to hide his underwear from his dad by doing his laundry alone. He thinks he was around twelve or thirteen, and he distinctly remembers waking up and the immediate devastating shame that _I’ve wet the bed—_

Of course, he soon realizes that he had in fact, _not_ peed his bed. Sex ed cleared up a lot, needless to say.

He can still remember the blessed relief. Twelve years old, twelve or thirteen, he’s not exactly sure, but the weight taken off his mind felt like a million pounds. It’s not just him. It’s happening to everyone. He’s not the only one waking up with crust on their sheets that they don’t want to show their moms.

What followed that relief was probably some of the lowest moments he’s ever experienced. Things he doesn’t like to remember because he’s moved on from them long ago and doesn’t let it bother him anymore.

Knowing why it happened and what it was didn’t make it easier to cope with unfortunately. Learning about it was like a self fulfilling prophecy, because after that it didn’t just happen at night. It happened during the day. In school. At basketball practice. In the gym. In the cafeteria. In class. Completely out of his control and usually completely unprovoked.

He still remembers the first time it just _happened._ In class, out of his control. He could feel it coming, but there was nothing to do to stop it. One second he was at his desk doing schoolwork and the next, it was there, hot and sensitive, pressing on the line of his zipper. It was really embarrassing, but thankfully no one noticed and it went away before the end of class.

He isn’t always that lucky.

If Kagami thinks back, he knows he must have been aware of gay people by that age. He’d been raised in California, so of course he had. They’d learned about same-sex relationships and feelings in health class during sex education. Not terribly much, but some.

He’d had a vague understanding of it, but he doesn’t think he really _knew._ Not before then.

As a little boy, he’d had crushes on the girls in his class. His first year in America, he’d been absolutely goony over this girl named Daisy with two blonde ponytails and missing her front teeth. He’d ran around the playground after her and kissed her on both cheeks, and next year it was Charlotte. And the next year it was Gracie. Pretty and funny, catching cooties from girls was the thrill that kept on giving for all of third grade—

By age eight, his new fixation was sports. Gym class was his favorite part of school. He spent all day outside playing kickball with the neighbourhood kids. Once he met Tatsuya at age nine, Kagami spent time almost exclusively with boys, barring Alex. Maybe he should have known then.

In fifth grade, his favorite teacher was Mr. Miller, who didn’t mind that Kagami couldn’t pronounce his name like the other kids. He was tall and handsome, with the nicest teeth Kagami can ever remember seeing, even to this day. It was the year after his mom died and he hadn’t been doing well in school, but that became one of the classes he tried the hardest in. Looking back, maybe he should have known, but he didn’t.

In sixth grade, Kagami spent a lot of time at after school programs and community sports days. Gym class was his favorite period, especially when it was time to teach some basketball to the class. The gym teacher’s son, Josh, was always there helping out, and Kagami swears he’s never felt such elation than he did when Josh, _a high schooler,_ was impressed that he could make a basket with such ease.

Kagami’s played with older kids before on the street courts, but he _idolized_ Josh. He was handsome. Cool. All the boys liked him, and the girls probably did too. Kagami looked up to him, wanted to be like him and to _be_ liked by him, wanted it so bad it was probably pitifully obvious. He probably squirmed like a puppy dog when Josh wanted him, a mere eleven year old, on his basketball team, even though the other high schoolers were around. A teenager that the other sixth graders respected liking Kagami helped boost his image in the eyes of his peers. He started to make friends, outside of Tatsuya and the other foreign students and outside of just _basketball,_ and for probably the first time, Kagami didn’t feel like he was just being humored. It was a great year while it lasted, trailing along at Josh’s heels with starry eyes, feeling like one of the big kids.

Maybe he should have known by then, but he doesn’t think he did. Not until the day in the locker room in seventh grade.

It might have been more obvious if not for Daisy. If not for all the pretty girls in fifth grade, and sixth, and seventh— The long hair and the pretty lips and the hands that seemed to grow tinier and daintier the older he got. If not for the way he knows his heart fluttered and sang and the way his cheeks warmed— If not for that, he might have known sooner.

He might have recognized the same feeling in himself when his math teacher expressed pride in his accomplishments. When Josh treated him like a buddy and preferred him to his own friends when it came to basketball. An innocent, fluttering, light-hearted excitement in his heart, the first loves of a boy— He might have known it before he had to learn about it in sex ed. Same sex attraction. Might have heard it and thought, _hey, that’s me,_ before it happened.

It was only a few months after he’d started getting erections, after the relief of the biology lessons in sex ed, the weight off his back. It was two years after meeting Josh. Five after coming to America—

After gym class in the lockers, everyone was changing and getting out of their gym clothes. He can remember it being a good day. He was whipping towels at the backs of bare legs with some classmates, horsing around before lunch period, and Josh came in.

He came right next to Kagami and flashed him a smile. Kagami immediately quit fooling around, trying as always to look cool and mature around his teen buddy. He chatted mildly and got to changing while Josh shoved his stuff in his locker. Then he strips his shirt.

Kagami can remember the smell of sweat that the air circulation caused, sent straight towards him by the swift movement. And the span of Josh’s back, bare and taught with lean muscle, gold and peppered with acne, slightly damp. He turns, his sharp hip bones standing out from his stomach.

It’s immediate. Like a water balloon attached to a sink faucet. Blood rushes between his legs, and there’s no disguising it in basketball shorts. There isn’t even time to hide it. He thinks a couple of the boys nearest him were even facing him when it happens.

For a second, Kagami doesn’t know what to do, because it feels just like every other time that it’s happened out of nowhere, for no reason, but this time he knows. He knows it’s not for no reason.

And a second later, there’s laughter.

Now that he’s older, he knows it wasn’t particularly malicious. Mostly just thoughtless. Preteen boys being mean to each other, but not _cruel._ He’d presented an easy target and it had been impossible to resist. He’s not even sure most of them had realized why— They’d just seen their classmate pop an unwanted erection, but hadn’t put two and two together. At least not yet.

Kagami remembers snapping his hands over his crotch and hunching his shoulders in, but most of it became a blur after he started to get shoved around and teased. He clammed up stubbornly, head down, and for a few minutes he’s a big joke for the rest of the boys in his class.

The worst came when he thought it was over, when most of them charged out of the locker room, the incident already largely forgotten. Worst of all was Josh’s face, and it must be because in tenth grade he was old enough to really _know._ His eyes pierced into Kagami’s, and all of a sudden he was struck with a vicious bolt of shame at the disgust he found there.

He thinks he welled up at some point during the hazing. He isn’t sure. The room spun, face hot, brow tight with rage and embarrassment. He knows he went to the office for hitting Thomas Owens in the mouth when he wouldn't shut up. But he doesn’t remember crying. He almost wishes he had.

After that, Josh doesn’t want him on his team anymore. And he doesn’t change next to Kagami anymore. And the next time he unintentionally pops a boner in the lockers, Josh tells him to get his stuff and go change in the toilet stall in the corner where he can be alone.

The teasing picks up. Not immediately. A slow thing over the next week or so. But one high school boy knowing is enough, and whatever Josh’s intentions were, whether fear at something he didn’t understand yet, instinctual disgust, whether it was mean-spirited or not, it spread to Kagami’s middle school class within a week, and Kagami came to a devastating realization.

His immature body, not even having discovered masturbation for a full month yet. The spontaneous erections, the ‘wetting the bed,’ the thing he’d only just learned was completely normal, if inconvenient. The humiliation every boy has to go through on their journey to becoming a man, _this—_

Josh. His middle school math teacher. The sports magazines. Getting hard around other boys with no provocation—

This is _not_ happening to everyone.

And so, Kagami learned that he was gay almost the same time his classmates did.

The teasing wasn’t the worst in the world. Kagami never got called bad names, not by his own classmates at least. No one tried to hurt him. No one excluded him. But they teased relentlessly. And his self esteem, the self esteem that learning to play basketball had brought him as a nine year old kid who couldn’t speak English well enough to make any American friends yet, that self esteem plummeted.

It was hard. He still had his father, Alex and Tatsuya, and the friends basketball had brought him, but it didn’t help him during school. Sometimes he thinks basketball was the only thing that got him through it, because those weeks were rough for him.

The teacher tried to interfere when he caught on, but it didn’t do any good. Kagami used to love gym class. It became something he dreaded overnight. He can remember sitting at home and trying to think what he could do to avoid that embarrassment happening again, two pairs of underwear, wearing a cup—

The details of the teasing has faded with time. The word _fag_ lost its meaning almost immediately through immense repetition. Whether they really knew what it even meant or not, whether they really meant it with cruelty or not, they could see it bothered him that they knew, so they teased and teased him like little boys do. They made jokes about him and would pretend they didn’t want to even use a urinal next to him in case he looked. They even teased each other sometimes for touching something Kagami had touched, or getting too close to him, like he left gay cooties behind wherever he went.

It could’ve been worse, probably. He knows that. But to a twelve year old who already felt too often like the outsider of the class, thick accent, slanted eyes, hot head— to Kagami, at that moment, it felt like the end of the world. Sometimes he’d wanted to cry so bad that he’d felt like he’d burst.

That shame and that humiliation was unbearable.

He lasted a week. After that Kagami begged his dad to let him change schools. He wouldn’t tell him why when he asked. _I thought you were finally settling in? Making some friends— Why do you want to move, son?_

He didn’t tell his dad that he was being bullied. He wasn’t the kind of kid that got bullied. At most, since he’d come to America, he’d been isolated and ignored at times, but not bullied. Usually the other kids were too intimidated to do that. And somehow inside himself, Kagami didn’t want to lose the pride of his father. Didn’t want to admit that when he came home from school, he felt like crying every day. Didn’t want to tell him that his big strong son, his basketball player son, his _gay_ son, couldn’t take a little teasing.

He felt like he couldn’t tell anybody. Too many people know already. It felt like it could only get worse. So for those few weeks, he bottled it up.

His only solace, basketball on the courts with Alex and Tatsuya and the neighbourhood college kids, even that couldn’t stay a sacred escape forever. Because of course it got around.

He can’t even remember if he told Tatsuya first, if he crumbled under the weight of the loneliness, or if Tatsuya had confronted him about it himself. But he remembers the sharp and paralyzing bolt of fear when it was laid out, he remembers how Alex’s face had pinched with surprise— and he can remember, for one moment, feeling like all he wanted to do was run away.

And hide. Before they could tease him too.

When the surprise wore off, Alex seized him and hugged his head into her boobs, smushing him in to be healed by her bosom. He wasn’t nine years old anymore, so of course he put up a fight like he didn’t want to be hugged, but the weight of it all did feel just a little less horrible afterwards. 

Tatsuya's nice about it too.

For a while, having them was enough.

It wasn’t until a later incident, when he was humiliated by some older boys in front of Kelly, the girl Kagami had liked before this whole gay debacle, that Kagami really broke for a while there.

Josh was one of the bullies. Even now, thinking back on it, it still causes a twinge of pain. He knows now that Josh had probably acted the way he did out of insecurity, some fear that he might be shunned by his peers, or that because Kagami had a crush on him, others might think _he_ was like that too. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter at the time. That rejection from someone he’d looked up to and liked so much, it hurt more than words could say.

He’s proud to say that twelve year old Kagami had gotten through the rest of the day, not speaking to anyone. Probably to avoid crying the second he opened his mouth. That was the only thought he could hang onto, _he can’t cry here in front of everyone,_ instinctively knowing that if he lets the tears fall, the teasing will only get stirred back up again. It will only give them all new material. He has to hold it until he’s at home, at least until he’s at home, just a few hours more—

He got through the rest of his classes, and then when school let out, he skipped basketball with Alex and Tatsuya and went straight home on the bus. When he got home and shut the door, for a second he stands there and waits, figuring it would all just come bursting out right away. He'd only barely held it at bay until now, but suddenly, it got stuck.

He’s been waiting for this moment so that he didn’t have to hold it in anymore, so he could lay on his bed and let it out where no one could see him. But nothing… _happens._

So he sits on the couch in the front room and waits alone for his dad to come home.

It’s half past six when the door opens and Kagami hasn’t eaten dinner. He hasn’t put his backpack away. He hasn’t _moved_ from the sofa, and when his dad comes in the door, Kagami gets up to greet him and then it happens.

His dad makes eye contact with him and his face pinches in a frown. He thinks his dad asks him if he’s okay or something, he’s not exactly sure. He opened his mouth, maybe to tell him everything that’s happened. To tell him everything he’s wanted so badly to tell him for a month straight. Being made fun of, feeling alone in America, his realization that something inside him isn’t like the other kids.

Maybe even to tell him he’s fine.

But the second he opens his mouth, he starts to bawl.

He _blubbers_ like he hasn’t since Mom died. Snot shoots out of his nose and tears dribble down and his shoulders shake. It’s embarrassingly loud, his face is wet and red. It’s like all the crying he’s wanted to do for the last month just _pours_ out of him, and he bawls and sobs and blubbers like a fucking baby and he tells his dad everything, stands there and feels like dirt, feels pathetic—

When he can’t talk anymore, when he’s said all he can say through his crying fit, his dad puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes. He’s twelve, and old enough to be ashamed to cry in front of someone that he wants to see him as a man. His dad side hugs him and grips his arm. He comforts him, he’s calm about it, patting him on the back, and Kagami’s lip wobbles and snot drips as he rubs at his eyes, sulking and pouting, utterly humiliated.

He’s not upset. He tells him that more than once, _he’s not upset_ — He _loves_ Kagami, and nothing will change the pride he feels in him as his son. But he is also not going to let Kagami change schools.

His dad’s never talked much, and he’s been much more serious since Mom died, devoting himself to his work, which caused him to require a lot of independence from his growing son. They don’t get to spend a lot of time together usually, but he’s always seemed pleased to know Kagami was making friends at school, finding activities that he liked that occupied him when he couldn’t be around. It was still kind of a bummer sometimes that even when they’re both home at the same time, usually Dad is in his home office on his computer. But when it really mattered, like at class graduation, or his middle school basketball games, the really important ones, Kagami could rely on him to make time.

He puts his work calls on hold for the rest of the night, and once Kagami’s cried himself out and washed his face, he takes him out for burgers. They take the food home and watch the Punisher, and his dad talks to him. About life. About family. About keeping your back straight in front of bullies— He says a couple things that embarrass Kagami too, but still cause an indescribable wave of relief.

Kagami doesn’t want to change schools as much after that.

The bullying from his classmates dwindles within a week, only occasionally coming from the upperclassmen, and by the summer Kagami turned fourteen, it had completely stopped. There’s a plethora of reasons why that could be.

Basketball had helped him immensely. It’s always been the easiest way he’s made friends since coming to America, and a lot of those friends ended up being much older than him. Gaining the respect of high school seniors and college students got the respect of his peers too. Having older kids that had your back made people wary of picking shit with him.

There’s also the fact that in turning fourteen, he had just hit his first of three growth spurts that he’d go through each summer after. After hitting five foot eleven, no one wanted to mess with him anymore. Who knows why _that_ could be.

It could also have to do with the fact that he was more handsome at fourteen. Being good looking and good at sports will always win you points.

And really what Kagami thinks is most likely is that… he hadn’t actually _cared_ anymore. The teasing just stopped bothering him, almost overnight.

It seems stupid to say, but that release of howling and wailing it all out at his dad, that moment of naked fear, the terrifying vulnerability of the truth being known, afterwards, he felt a sense of relief. It felt like nothing could ever be as scary or as humiliating as that moment had been, and in a way, that was comforting. Because to Alex, and Tatsuya, and Dad, he’s still Kagami, and that’s fine.

That relief completely brought back his self confidence— and confidence makes friends.

When he’d get teased, thirteen year old Kagami would let it roll off his back, easy-going, or retaliate with good-natured roughhousing. No denial, no keeping it a secret, but also no shouting it from the rooftop either; it’s just him. And as he continued working his hardest at basketball and getting through eighth grade, he actually found that the other kids _liked_ the new him. Maybe even more than they had before.

And if anyone still gave him the side-eye, the tiniest bit suspicious, being athletic has a way of overriding that, gay or not. At least that’s how the brains of his teenage peers work. Some of them even seemed to think it was kind of cool, to know a gay person in real life. One boy actually said that his own parents were a same sex couple, so he knows that it’s not a big deal for Kagami to be like that too.

Kagami likes America. Has for a while. But by the end of eighth grade, that’s when he actually feels for the first time, like he can be accepted here. Especially on the courts. Different races play together, different ages, and girls can come and expect to be allowed to play, not just watch — Alex makes sure of that one.

It’s a great place to be. All that matters is your basketball.  
  
It’s not all good though. That summer is the summer he and Tatsuya fought and parted ways.

Kagami’s still young, but he can tell you little is more painful than feeling the person closest to you drift away.

Kagami enters ninth grade at age fourteen, and going into high school meant leaving behind almost all of the kids who’d known him during puberty. It’s a fresh start, and with it, he let go of the anger and hurt of that humiliating experience, any that was left. He moved on from it to the point that even at fourteen, he didn’t feel ashamed for his new classmates to know he was gay. If it came up in conversation, which it rarely did, he even felt comfortable to tell them on his own.

It’s a completely different environment than the one he’d known in middle school. It could be that he’s in a diverse school, with surprisingly accepting students. It could be that he speaks English much better. Whatever it is, there’s a marked maturity difference among his peers, even in a matter of two years— and again, there’s the fact that he can play sports well and is pretty good-looking for his age. The other boys in his phys ed class like him and want him on their teams right off the bat. The revelation that he’s gay is an afterthought. His classmates shower next to him, share towels and water bottles, and no one looks at him funny. He could hardly even call that traumatic memory of his first coming out a scar anymore. The pain is behind him, something he rarely thinks about.

It’s a good year, other than the burden of the ring around his neck and the regret of the previous summer. Intentionally throwing a game because he couldn’t bear to let go of the first friend he’d made in America. In retrospect, he’d coped with the separation surprisingly well, but then, they’ve always said that about him: that he’s coped well with loss for his age.

The summer before tenth grade, his dad talks about moving back home— but Kagami ends up flying to Tokyo alone.

All of that being said, by the time he was in Japan again, he’d already had the hard lessons and worked through them and learned from them. He’d already come to terms with the initial struggle realizing who he was, and had since matured, become stronger after his sensitive and emotional heart had gotten a few years to grow. He’s already gone through the hard parts and come out with self-confidence. At sixteen, he already knew himself and his heart remarkably well for his age.

And so he knew what it was when he saw Aomine. There’s only one thing to call it.

. . .

It’s not that Kagami had ever had hope of reciprocation. It’s part of why he’d never planned to tell him.

He didn’t weep and mourn over it, it didn’t feel like a heartbreak, or even something to be sad over, but it was something he immediately locked away, a quiet secret to be kept in his heart. The blaze, burning out of control, battering against him from the inside.

At the time, it seemed like the obvious choice.

Having resolve like that, however— Having self confidence does not and has never meant a life without fear and suffering.

Letting that thing live, no matter how quietly and how privately, meant that hope was alive with it, even if he thought it had never been there to begin with. But there must have been _something,_ because when Aomine found out about him and reacted the way he did, it had absolutely crushed him.

 _Really_ did. Maybe even worse than Josh had crushed his twelve-year old self.

And that’s when he came upon the bitter realization that self-confidence or not, rejection from someone you respect, someone you love, it doesn’t get any easier. _Walking away_ doesn’t get any easier.

Even though he’d never had hopes that they would get together anyways, it had sucked to hear that, _you fucking fag—_ because it had meant that they couldn’t even be friends. It took him right back to that aghast moment, horrified and ashamed.

But he survives it. He straightens his back and walks off and moves on, because that’s what he does. And in the following weeks in his new life without Aomine, he thinks he made the right decision, keeping it secret. It’s probably better that he hadn’t told him. Imagine if he’d confessed to a guy like that, laid his heart out to be slaughtered.

Something else he learned over that month on his own was that walking away, rising above a struggle so that it can’t bother you anymore, it won’t leave him unaffected. Not completely. Just as it does locking away his secret feelings, hope survives— It always does. Even when you think it can’t have possibly made it.

Tatsuya’s always told him he’s too impulsive. Led around by his emotions, big-hearted and dumb and quick to anger because he’s got too much passion— and it must be true. Maybe that’s why he gave Aomine another chance when he decided to shape up. He isn’t sure he would have been so forgiving with anyone else. Maybe he would have, but he’s not sure.

Maybe it was the hope still alive in his heart, even after he’s cut all his ties and kept going on with life no worse for wear. A candle wick waiting for just a single spark to breathe life to that flame of hope again—

And in the coming months, as Aomine’s behavior started to change, Kagami had felt so relieved to have back the person he’d come to know last summer, the one he’d been so disappointed and confused had turned on him, because he’d though surely, _this couldn’t be him? He_ knew _Aomine and this just wasn’t like him—_

Seeing a person who usually was self-absorbed and lazy, seeing Aomine put in effort to change the way he acted and talked around him, simply because he cared about Kagami just that much, Kagami had felt so grateful to have a friend like him, to have that friend _back._ Someone that he knew from now on would always be there to rely on, just like before.

But things felt different somehow.

He’d find Aomine looking at him, eyes deep and dark and piercing into his soul, something that seemed far too probing, _intimate_ almost, and Kagami would feel the light of hope flare in his heart, bright and alive.

It takes him a long time to accept that just maybe, hope can never be entirely extinguished.

That’s also probably the thing that had kept him with Hitoshi for so long. He realizes that in the fallout of his breakup, and it’s a horrible ugly thing to admit. Maybe that’s why he’d gotten so scared.

It reminded him of bottling it up for a month straight when he was in middle school and then finally falling to pieces in front of his dad, because it was kind of how he had felt then.

Standing on the basketball court, practically trembling and choking back tears because he doesn't understand why Aomine won't stop picking at him. Won’t leave him alone when all Kagami wants in the world is to find a place where he can hide.

Even at his most battered and pathetic moment, hope is alive, and no matter how he flinches away, when Aomine comes around and tells him he’s glad he waited— however weak and sputtering, hope gleams and glows within him like a candle.

Foolish or not, that hope wears him down, melts through his defenses, and a sad scared part of him thought that this had to be a fluke— _has to be,_ Aomine must have deluded himself into wanting him because he’s just that type of person, jealous and selfish and can’t stand someone else having what he wants.

A fluke, or a prank, something Aomine didn’t really mean and was saying it, why, to be nice? To make him feel better? Or even to do something fucking awful like try to destroy him when he was at his lowest— All of this races through his mind, but when Aomine opens his arms to him and beckons him in, Kagami’s helpless to resist. Captivated.

Just like he’s always been.

The following days, _weeks_ together, are like a dream. Something he hasn’t even let himself fantasize about. The hope that he’d kept locked in his heart, glowing in the dark, never to be acted upon.

He’d never thought… he’d never thought something like this could happen to him. Aomine, forever out of reach, holding his hand in the summer rain.

Running home together in the storm, it’s like a lightning rod for all his love and excitement, and all of a sudden, at the sight of Aomine sopping wet, looking somehow younger underneath his soggy bangs— it just burst out of him.

Aomine soaked to the skin, his forehead smooth and uncreased, water running out of his hair and between his brows, eyes so open and dark, reflecting a flash of lightning above them. He can’t hold it in, not even for a second.

“I love you. So damn much.”

They spun and spun under the blanket of a thunderstorm. The rain drumming on his head is cold, but Aomine’s hands are warm.

He stays awake as long as he can, trying his hardest to make this last, but he drifts off in the night. And when he wakes up in the morning, all the memories of the day before snapping back in rapid succession, Aomine is there, eyes open, quietly looking at him from his futon across the floor.

All those times he’s gazed into Kagami’s face and he’s wondered why— it’s the same gaze. And this time he knows. He just knows.

Kagami’s so unbelievably happy, and incredibly excited. The sorrow and humiliation and the exhaustion of his ordeal, the pain he’s been struggling under for weeks now, even so recently as the previous day, all of that seems to dissipate like magic, or at least is soothed and settles into the background underneath the blinding weight of the joy at the realization, it wasn’t a dream after all— Aomine is his boyfriend. Aomine loves him back.

The immense ache brought on by the turmoil of the past weeks lifts from his shoulders, impossible to locate or focus on. After Aomine has held his hand, what are the hurts of the past other than memories that can’t touch him anymore.

"G'morning," Kagami whispers, maybe just to make sure that he's real, laying over there, so quiet, looking as though he's holding his breath for this bubble to burst too.

"Is now," Aomine says, flashing his teeth, like he can't believe his own daring. They're cutely crooked, peeking out in a tentative smile. Kagami's heart leaps, his legs squirm, he wants to jump for joy, go out on the balcony and crow at the sky. Aomine grins wide.

Their first day as boyfriends starts as any other day would. The next one is the same. And the next. Something big has happened, yes, but nothing special is different.

But he doesn’t need special. Aomine as he is, to him, that’s already brilliant, a dazzling precious thing, like a diamond.

Whatever happens now, however they grow and change as they go on from here, making their start together, all of Kagami’s wildest hopes could never have held a candle to the way he’s feeling now.

. . .

Slow to change or not, he and Aomine have already gone on their first date together.

Out of the blue, Aomine had asked him to go to the arcade with him. Not much different than their usual hang-out activities, but the roundabout hesitant way he asked was what told him it was meant as a date.

Kagami had been so surprised, not only at the reminder that _yes, this is actually real, they’d confessed to each other and that agreement to become boyfriends wasn’t his imagination, they’re really…_ doing _this—_ but it also came as a surprise that Aomine had once again, taken it on himself to initiate.

It’s not that Kagami had exactly been planning to make the ‘first move’ either, as it were, one last part of him in disbelief that this could possibly be happening to him, and any direct show of affection, anything that crossed the line their friendship has always known, that would somehow wake them up out of this wonderful, wonderful dream.

But there Aomine was, hand on the back of his neck, scratching his hair and muttering out an invitation, expression and body language casual enough, but his eyes look hopeful. Somehow, Kagami hadn’t expected that.

He’d been so excited that he couldn’t sleep the night before, his restless mind keeping him wide awake.

Part of him had wondered if it would be awkward, trying to be romantic with Aomine, after they’ve known each other as friends for so long. The change might feel jarring and forced, or as if they had to fake it. Kagami’s terrified that it might turn out like that, that it might not feel _right,_ and the last thing he wants to do is let go right at the beginning. The last thing he wants is to see Aomine realize it’s not like he’d imagined it would be and decide to back away.

Not much has changed yet day to day, and whether they hung out all the time or not, the first date felt like a milestone. He wondered if there would be pressure to behave differently now that they’ve decided to try something new, if it would be hard to talk and horse around as usual now that feelings are involved.

When they meet up, the look of apprehension on Aomine’s face tells him he’s been wondering the same thing. But he also looks just as excited to give it a try—

After some initial nerves, they settle in and have a great time. It’s not that they fall into their usual routine exactly, or forget that it’s a date and not just hang-out time. Aomine’s usual teasing does get a little flirty at times when he looks like he’s feeling brave and Kagami feels a sense of relief to know that the usual bickering doesn’t have to stop.

In his last relationship, he’d felt this immense pressure to be perfect, to quash his harmless bouts of hot temper and his boyish impulses to screw around. He’d always felt like he was trying to be more grown up than he is, cooler-headed, quieter, more openly affectionate but also not as sensitive—

But with Aomine it’s just him as he is, just like always, and Aomine still gives him that look, the one with the deep eyes, a degree of softness in his face that Kagami’s grown to love— Aomine still looks at him with an element of tenderness even when he’s being his loud slobby American self, just like he’s always been during their time as friends.

The realization that things will be the same, but better— just as they’ve always been, but with the added benefits of requited love— there comes with it a humongous wave of relief and contentment. It feels like freedom. The freedom to be in the moment and to take their time.

The important things will fall into place.

Reluctant to go home once they’re done, they walk around through the city afterwards, aimlessly wandering as they chat. Aomine's got his hands stuffed in his pants pockets but Kagami can see him glancing down at his hand once in a while, like he thinks he’s being discreet.

Aomine clears his throat and comes to a stop, and Kagami blinks, and comes to the sudden realization that they weren’t just wandering around. Aomine’s brought him to his house. He shifts, looking away, and asks, "You wanna' come up?" and Kagami thinks all his hair stands on end.

He sounds casual enough, but it’s plain as day that he’s a little nervous and uncertain. He’s got his hands deep in his pockets and is glaring at nothing, chewing on the inside of his cheek, and Kagami doesn’t know how he’d ever doubted that Aomine liked him back. Part of him still can’t believe it. Can’t believe something this amazing could be happening to him. But it is. It’s plain as day.

He’s never seen Aomine’s house before. In fact, he doesn’t think he’s ever even imagined what kind of place Aomine lived, or who his family was. To him, sometimes it's almost as if Aomine was dropped into the world on the court the day they met, there at the right time to find him.

It’s two stories, in a row of similar homes in a sunny neighborhood not far from the train station. The inside is homey and warm, and even though Aomine’s parents weren’t home, Kagami takes care to walk slowly and calmly, not touching anything.

Aomine leads him to his room and shows him his shoe collection with this eager look on his face that he can’t hide. He lets Kagami rifle through them, proud and smug, but only a little. Aomine gets together some stuff and they take a bus back to Kagami’s neighborhood and play basketball until sunset.

It was a fun first date, and a great day overall, the best he’s had in a while, and Kagami thinks his heart has wings.

The exhilaration of a one-on-one, burning off all the jittery excitement that had built up. And the happiness, pure and strong— It heals the pain of the last month. The love in his heart, the love that’s always been there, outshining everything else.

He and Aomine, just starting out. What a wonderful thing to be happening.

. . .

  
Kagami squats in his living room by his metal rack shelf, squinting at the round fish bowl he’d set up next to his mini potted cactus. He rests his chin on his fist and watches the little guy swim, and then taps some fish flakes in there for him.

He’d read up on what to do to take care of it, and it’s survived the last couple weeks since he’d gotten it at the fair. It hadn’t been his intention to keep it, but Hitoshi hadn’t taken it home with him, so Kagami had ended up hanging onto it. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t know why he hadn’t thought to get a little pet to spruce up his apartment before. He doesn’t spend a lot of time indoors given his many daily activities, but it _is_ just him here. A low maintenance pet seemed like a good idea.

If he’s going to keep it long term though, he should probably get more than this half-measure glass bowl.

Kagami takes his phone out absently.

“Hey, Aomine?” He switches ears with his phone and puts it between his cheek and shoulder as he reaches out to rearrange some stuff on his shelf, carefully sliding the goldfish bowl so as not to jostle his little buddy.

“Yeah what’s up.” His voice sounds slow and lazy, but he’d picked up on the second ring. Kagami takes a breath, corner of his mouth lifting in an involuntary smile.

“Come over, I need help with my fish.”

“Fish?” he hums boredly.

“Yeah, you know, from the fair,” Kagami clarifies as he moves some things to the bottom shelf. He doesn’t realize Aomine’s gone quiet for a long beat until he talks again.

“... You kept that?” His voice is soft, almost.

Kagami quirks a brow. “Well yeah. What was I gonna’ do, flush him?” He holds the phone tight with his cheek and then picks the bowl up with both hands, moving it slowly so the water doesn’t slosh as he moves it to the kitchen counter.

Aomine’s quiet for another beat, but he seems happy. He even starts to brag like the shit that he is. “Heh’,” he snorts. “Obviously you need my help.”

“Obviously,” Kagami mutters dubiously, because boyfriend or not, Aomine being a cocky shit sure hasn’t stopped annoying him.

“Be there soon—” Kagami can hear rustling and clattering on the other end, but Aomine still sounds smooth and lazy. “To help your hopeless ass.”

He scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Yeah yeah.”

Aomine comes over within an hour and the two of them go out to the shopping district. It’s a nice day, so they walk most of the way to the arcade, enjoying the sunshine and the breeze. The door jingles when they crowd into a tiny pet store.

They squat in front of the different animal tanks, looking at the pet mice and hamsters one by one and picking their favorites, stopping at each cage and trying not to block the whole aisle, big as they are.

“When I was a kid, I never had a pet,” Kagami notes when they get to the fish at the back of the store. It’s darker back here and he can almost feel the hum of the filters buzzing on the surface of his skin.

“I begged for one when I was younger but my parents said no," Aomine tells him with his lips twisted. Kagami squats next to him, snickering.

“So you stuck with bugs and critters, huh.” Aomine looks at him and cracks a smirk.

“Yeah. I’ve got the touch.” He teasingly pokes Kagami in the side, grinning, and Kagami accepts it with an obligatory grimace and a pleased squirm, helplessly amazed as always that he's being flirted with.

Aomine seems just as thrilled with his reaction every time, enough so that he keeps pushing his luck like that and chasing Kagami's skirt, prodding and teasing and flirting with him, even though part of him seems scared shitless for a second every single time, amazed and horrified that he had the balls to actually do it. Kagami letting him get away with it must be reward enough for that moment of terror.

Kagami knows his ears are probably glowing worse than Rudolph's nose. Aomine keeps tickling him a little, looking positively gleeful, pinching and poking him in his sides, goading him with a big grin, ear to ear. Kagami pretends to ignore it, shuffles around with hot ears, and tries to change the subject.

“Think my guy’ll want a buddy?” Kagami hums. “Look at that one.” They crouch together in front of the tanks and look.

It’s kind of peaceful back here, the two of them alone watching the fish swim. “That one’s cool too.” Aomine hums, pointing at a bright yellow one, almost fluorescent. Kagami looks into the glowing blue fish tanks for some time, and when he glances up, he finds Aomine gazing at him with this expression, who knows how long he's been like that, all big-eyed and—

Feeling flustered suddenly, Kagami blurts, “Hey, focus!”

Aomine starts, and clears his throat sharply, looking away.

They spend another twenty minutes or so picking out some fish stuff. A little tank and filter set, and some decorations, and then they go back to set it all up at his apartment.

“I think this goes here,” Aomine says, standing at his side next to the fish bowl. When Kagami looks where he’s pointing, Aomine flicks him on the nose, and the ensuing brawl derails them for some time.

“I’m sick of you!” Kagami shouted, aggravated, and Aomine cackled.

Aomine's laughter goes high-pitched, almost a giggle, a breathless wheeze escaping his grinning mouth as Kagami half-heartedly punched and wrestled him around in a headlock. It's hard to keep his temper when listening to such a ridiculous noise, something he hadn't imagined Aomine could even make.

Once they were done fucking around and Aomine was sprawled on the floor, disheveled and panting, and Kagami was satisfied that he’d learned his lesson, they got to business. Sort of.

“So how have you kept it alive this long?” Aomine pried, a little winded. His hair looks funny like that, his bangs pushed up.

“I keep changing the water when it gets cloudy.” Aomine’s already scooped the fish into a plastic bag to stop the temperature shock when they move it to the new tank. Kagami hadn't known about that, and Aomine was baffled and aggrieved when he heard he'd just dumped it in the bowl and held it under the faucet, and it had somehow survived. “And I fed it.”

“Slow your roll, he's getting fat.”

“Fat fish deserve food too.”

“Sure, chubby-cheeks,” Aomine teases, flashing a grin. Kagami groans and rolls his eyes, and then gets back to what he was doing. He tries to discretely touch a hand to his face, poking his fingertips into his cheek.

Kagami quickly stops when he hears a clatter, and glances over. Aomine’s screwing around, trying to get the filter working. “Fuck, I can’t get this,” he mutters, squinting at the instructions, squatting on the floor in the mess. Kagami has something to say about Aomine not having an excuse to not know how to read Japanese, but he keeps it to himself.

Kagami pours out a bag of rocks into the bottom of the square tank they picked out, watching them rattle on the glass and form a pile. He sets up the little skull and fake seaweed in the bottom, smoothing the multi-colored pebbles out. “Lemme’ see.”

Aomine flings the instructions over to him, picking at the back of the filter unit with a glare, tongue in his teeth. Kagami feels almost unbearably endeared by that.

He squints at the paper booklet for a little while and Aomine crawls over next to him, laying on his stomach, propped on his elbows, peeking at it as he reads. “Tetra power filter,” he tells him after a lot of squinting.

“Yeah, Kagami, I got that part,” he sasses. “How do I hook it up, it said it wasn’t battery-powered, but I don’t see a cord. There's no way it would be... like... _bluetooth_ or something, right?”

“The fuck,” Kagami agrees, and they glare at it for a minute. He squints more and tries to make it out. “Tetra… power filter.” He pauses. “... Tetra, like the car?”

“It’s a fish.”

“Ohhh.”

Eventually Aomine gets it on his own and looks way too proud of himself. They fill the tank with water and the filter is running, spitting bubbles and humming, and then Aomine sinks the fish into the water, still in the bag for now.

Satisfied, they admire their good work for a minute. “What’s a good name,” Kagami muses eventually, and Aomine looks up.

“You didn’t name it yet?”

“I dunno, I didn’t think to.” He didn’t intend to bring it home at first, after all. It had been meant for someone else.

They think for a while, throwing out names for the rest of the afternoon. On the court, over dinner— Skippy. Goku. Destroyer of Worlds. Kagami settles on Cheep-cheep, like from Super Mario Brothers. Since Cheeper is already taken.

You know what’s interesting? Even with that dark skin, if Aomine’s really blushing, you can totally still tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww, he named it after Aomine's pet cicada.


	2. Chapter 2

Kagami had never dwelled much on how Aomine would be as a boyfriend. He hadn’t let himself wonder. Figured it was better not to dream about something impossible, because it would only make things difficult.

Now that everything’s happened and they're together, he’s surprised to discover that Aomine’s actually kinda sweet.

In the weeks after they confessed, to Kagami, sometimes it feels like everything is different now, how can it not be— but in reality, things aren’t quick to change. They still dick with each other. They still play basketball and spend time together. 

The main difference is that… well, every hour of every day, he's overcome with a tremendous sense of relief.

The last month has seemed so dark that for a while he hadn’t been able to see a way past it. He’d gone lower than he’d ever thought possible, things had just gotten worse and _worse,_ and just when he’d been sure nothing more could happen to bring him lower, the walls would close in again. In the last days when Hitoshi had become so pushy and cruel, all he’d been able to wonder was _how did I get here, oh god—_

And then even when it was all over, the fight, the break-up, and he was sure that he’d come to the end, then came the final blow, his secret thrown out in the open where it didn’t belong. The bleak and desperate feeling of dangling over an abyss, about to lose more than he’d thought he could conceivably bear losing— and what a relief, what a blessing, what an amazing thing to happen to be loved in return at the moment he needed it more than ever.

It felt like stepping out from under the weight of a mountain, felt like rolling a boulder off his back. The escape from all that stress and exhaustion, the sudden dramatic release, it was indescribable.

Not just that, but knowing where they stand and having the future opening up before him in a way he’d never even dared dream of, that feeling of elation, god, it was...

Aomine with a soft glow in his eyes, whether or not they closed the gap between them yet, that glow bathed Kagami in warmth. The following weeks together are filled with a sort of nervous energy, both of them happy and excited and bursting with it, and yet— there was a feeling of reassurance. Like things are finally back on track, no more need to hurry it along.

Wherever they end up from here, the consequences that this change in their relationship brings, they’re taking all of that more slowly. There’s a sort of unspoken agreement to let this thing between them — something entirely new — develop naturally.

There’s a lot of reasons for that actually. 

Taking things slow, it’s not just to do with the fact that Kagami has a lot of shit to work through mentally after the shitstorm that was last month, but because… well… as right and as _exciting_ as it felt to be dating Aomine, because they are dating, _they’d already gone on a date, wow_ — as slowly as they’re taking it, it’s still undeniably strange to see each other so differently and so suddenly.

There’s also the fact that there seems to be some degree of hesitance on Aomine’s end. They haven’t held hands since the day they’d confessed. They haven’t hugged again either. And that’s not because Aomine doesn’t like him back, because Kagami can see now that he does. Even though he’d held on so hard thinking that Aomine was lying to him, or delusional or what have you, it’s _so_ obvious in retrospect that his feelings are reciprocated, in the past on those days in the park, the night by the pool— and now, today. It’s so obvious that Aomine was telling the truth when he’d sat there fidgeting, waiting for him to react to a paper card colored with crayons, and said, _I like you, I wanna date you—_

So it's not that Aomine's backing out or having second thoughts. Honestly, he's probably just having... _thoughts._

Because no matter how intensely he feels whatever he feels for Kagami, that doesn't mean that Aomine had fully considered what he was getting into beforehand. Because that look on his face, enraptured and absorbed, completely focused on him, a softness in his eyes, it doesn’t mean that Aomine was ready to cross that line, not all the way. He’s poked his toe over it, but he seems to chicken out at the edge.

He hasn’t initiated anything that you could point to as _gay_ since then, and Kagami— well, he doesn’t initiate either because he’s still sort of in disbelief that this can be real and doesn’t want to make the first move himself in case it shatters the illusion. So he leaves it be, because he’s overjoyed as it is. 

So they’re taking it slow for now. Really really slow.

Honestly, you couldn’t make Kagami care. How can he. He’d thought he’d never be able to tell him. That he’d just go through life with those feelings on the inside until they eventually faded. He’d meet someone when he was older, get into a serious relationship, and one day Aomine would be a memory, the boy he’d desperately loved in high school a long time ago.

He’s liked Aomine for so long. He’d never planned to tell him. He’d gone for over an entire year with that locked up inside him. Gone that long loving him without telling him. In some ways it was easy, because extinguishing one’s hopeful expectations from the get-go helps keep the pitiful fantasies in check, but it didn’t dampen the intensity— not at all.

Kagami had fallen in love with Aomine’s basketball. You only had to watch him play to see why. He’s amazing. Hypnotic.

And he’d gotten to know the other side to him too. His sad past. The love he has for his friends, however much he tries to play it off. His childish quirks. Annoying at times, obnoxious and infuriating at others, it didn’t stop Kagami coming back for more, as much as it aggravated him sometimes, he couldn’t get enough of Aomine. The tender look on his face in the moonlight, the fire that blazed in his heart on the court, a big lazy lump, trailing at his heels to keep the candle going, heights he hadn’t thought possible...

Kagami will never get tired of him. Never, never, never—

He’s so happy just to know that the flame in his heart is reciprocated at long last, that to yearn for anything more seems selfish almost. He didn’t feel a sense of urgency to rush that love along, or to hold it to a higher expectation, for their budding relationship to be more romantic, more physical, more open— Them together, that alone, its simple existence already runs his cup over. He can’t imagine being happier as he is, granted something he’d never even thought to dream of.

So he’s satisfied to see where the road takes them, and follow the natural flow.

If he’s read the situation correctly thus far, things will likely progress at Aomine’s pace. Because again, Kagami is feeling too thoroughly spoiled with his good fortune to press for anything more at the moment, and unless they’re to wait until his giddiness wears off, that left it to Aomine to lead them on— step by hesitant step.

Because in these past few weeks of feeling it out and taking things slow, Kagami’s learned something unexpected. He’d already known about Aomine’s softer side, so in a way maybe this shouldn’t have caught him off guard, but it undeniably has— 

Aomine can be surprisingly shy.

More than that, the feelings he has for Kagami seem to be unexpectedly innocent— even though he’s one hundred percent sure that Aomine would never use that word.

What he means by innocent is that Aomine likes him in a very pure way. Not naive exactly, but pure insofar as he seems so utterly _genuine_ about all of this. And even in the moments where Aomine stops at the edge and seems almost petrified, there’s so much earnest effort there that Kagami can’t doubt his good intentions.

He doesn’t know what it is that’s holding him up, but he’d bet anything that it had something to do with how violently he’d reacted to finding out Kagami was gay back at the beginning. It had to be a hard pivot to make, to be disgusted by a gay relationship and then realize that you yourself might be having similar feelings. Kagami doesn't know how he'd reckon with that.

That seems to amazing to Kagami, that he can feel so much for him that it outbalances his fears and uncertainties. Whatever it was, Aomine likes him enough that he's gotten over it for the sake of being with him.

And in the first couple weeks, they don't involve anyone else. They keep it between the two of them. The almost timid touch of Aomine’s hand, tentatively gravitating towards his— tentative, like after all of this, Aomine isn’t entirely sure either, that it’s not a dream. That he’s really brave enough to do this. That he hasn't stopped himself yet.

In that short amount of time before the rest of the world and _real life_ comes back into the picture, it’s just them, and that time they had on their own to grow together, it’s like a whole new side to Aomine has opened up to him. 

Again, Kagami doesn’t know what his expectations actually were. He hadn’t thought before about what Aomine would be like in a situation like this, but as a boyfriend, his intentions towards him seem surprisingly innocent. He just genuinely… _likes_ Kagami.

He lights up in undisguised happiness when he sees Kagami. He has a spring in his step. Straightens up from his usual slouching when Kagami approaches. He grins more than smirks sometimes. Knowing what Aomine's usually like, it's all too obvious the change in him. He likes being with Kagami, it’s clear from the way he acts, and it feels really good, being the subject of his attention.

For all that he’s a pervert always looking at dirty books and being far too unashamed about his interest in big boobs, he doesn’t seem to be in this relationship with Kagami for some similar base attraction. Or to use Kagami as an opportunity to experiment by exploiting his feelings or whatever. Kagami's never felt like a gay experiment to Aomine even once— It’s almost like _that_ side of things hasn’t even popped into Aomine’s stupid head.

That they could kiss if they wanted, if they got that far— That they could do _more_ one day. Like a primary school boy with a crush on a girl, the primary school boy that Kagami had once been, chasing her around and giving her little flowers and pretty rocks, that’s how Aomine has been towards him in these first weeks when it comes down to it— following at his heels and picking at him, thrilled to pieces just to see Kagami's face. 

That innocent teasing, the way he seems unaware of their circumstances, it’s part of what lets Kagami know that Aomine's feelings come from his heart, and that they’re something _real._

 _You’re a ten._

A basketball drawn into the shape of a heart. That’s silly. Something a kid would do. What was that other than love in the way of innocents. Pure and sweet, straight from the heart of a boy.

A boy who still seems afraid by this uncharted territory, seems afraid to cross the line and not be able to come back from it, but still likes Kagami so much that he hasn’t backed away, hasn’t changed his mind outright, holding steadfast even though sometimes he seems downright frightened. He likes Kagami enough that he seemed to have decided to figure out all the rest of what bothered him about what they were doing later.

And Kagami’s fine with that. Whatever happens will happen. Waiting isn’t a struggle, or something frustrating. It _should_ happen naturally, that’s how he sees it. When it’s supposed to happen, it will. After all, after so long as friends and rivals, Kagami doesn’t want to force their transition to something more. It will happen on its own the way it’s meant to.

The downside is that Aomine likes Kagami, sure, but he hasn’t seemed to have come to terms with a lot of the details of their situation yet. Would they tell others, for instance. Was he okay with other people knowing. Was he even attracted to boys at all or was he just emotionally attached to Kagami for some reason— 

Dating a guy. He doesn’t seem to want to confront that reality. He wants to date Kagami, but he doesn't seem to want to be gay or do anything that feels gay.

It makes sense in a way, if he remembers Aomine’s reaction back then. Anger and disgust, absolute revulsion. That had really hurt Kagami at the time, but looking back now, it made sense that Aomine would get stuck here even after coming this far. It’s probably hard to become something you were so vehemently convinced was gross— maybe even _still_ thinks is gross.

In a way, it’s flattering, and a total thrill that Aomine has fallen for him despite all those fears and uncertainties, enough so that he'd put them to one side, but in another way, he wonders what he’s meant to do now. Aomine likes him back and had gone forward with confessing to him, but he hadn’t thought past that initial realization of liking him—?

For now, Aomine seems to be slowly coming to terms with it all at his own pace, feeling things out slowly, perhaps still in the process of discovering and exploring his own feelings as they develop. Struggling along for Kagami’s sake despite those insecurities. 

  
Wet towel around his neck, Kagami glances over, enjoying the cool breeze on his forehead. Aomine starts, having been caught staring again, all goo-goo eyed. 

“Something on my face?” he teases, and Aomine just sulks.

It makes his heart feel unbearably full with love. Makes him want to spoil him. Do good things for him. Say thank you for being able to see that part of him. Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving this a chance even though he's this scared.

 _Thank you for loving me out of all the people in the world—_  


Despite Aomine’s glaring affection for him and his earnest desire to start a relationship with Kagami, he’s shown hesitance at the idea of _other_ people knowing about it. 

It’s not that he’s resisted exactly, or said much of anything when, after two weeks into their private relationship together, Kagami suggests they tell Kuroko, and maybe Momoi— but he makes this expression, uncertainty, a quiet sort of panic. It’s almost like Kagami can see Aomine weighing his options: agree with Kagami and make him happy, but face the terrifying prospect of being _out,_ or refuse and protect his dignity, but perhaps disappoint Kagami— 

Kagami doesn’t want to force that kind of ultimatum. After all, he knows what it’s like to feel afraid for people to know, even though it was long ago now. In any case, that look of dread on his boyfriend’s face makes Kagami decide not to press the subject.

It’s been another couple days since then, and Kagami doesn’t push Aomine to tell others or to do anything in the open. Aomine seems very precarious on that front. Again, Aomine clearly likes him enough to get over his own initial disgust surrounding the whole _gay_ thing, but Kagami’s not sure how far those feelings will stretch if Aomine gets spooked.

They haven’t talked about it since then. He knows it’s different, and that it’s not as easy for Aomine. Kagami’s already out, and doesn’t have to deal with the pressure of hiding his true self away, because he’s long since stopped caring whether people know or not— Aomine has more to lose, in a sense, by revealing their relationship.

He _knows_ that… but he has to admit that he’s just a tiny bit hurt to think that even in some small way, Aomine might be ashamed of them. He hopes that’s not what it is. He’s almost certain that Aomine just hadn’t thought through the fact that if they started to date, people would of course _know_ eventually, and now that he's considered that, he’s feeling a little apprehensive— which is of course, allowed.

At least Kagami has hope that this might change, because Aomine has in no way implied that he wants their relationship to stay a strict secret, so Kagami’s optimistic that as they get more comfortable with each other, Aomine won’t feel as reluctant about it anymore.

In the meantime, Kagami is patient. It’s not usual coming from him because he can be a pretty impatient kid, but in this situation, the waiting is effortless. He really honestly just _doesn’t care_ that their relationship is moving slowly. The time they spend together and the happiness it brings him is wonderful, and overcomes any doubts he has about the future. The love in his heart is carrying him though— he’s far too excited just simply _being_ with Aomine to feel disappointed that the physical side of their romance is slow to catch up and that the physical attraction he feels for Aomine might not and might never be fully reciprocated.

His last relationship may have led him to expect that stuff to come more quickly, but after all, he didn’t want to use that situation as any sort of comparison. 

No way in hell.

. . . 

Unfortunately, it can’t stay just _‘them’_ forever.

Those short weeks at the start as they’re just starting out are like a dream, but they pass. A few people know about them now. Having told a couple of them right out and having confirmed it to those who have asked on their own, Kagami knows that most of their friends are aware by now.

Aside from the people he and Aomine have told voluntarily, there’s a whole other can of worms about to get opened on that front. It’s something he hasn’t dwelt on for a while now, needing a break from it all, and returning to reality is hard.

The issue is rumors.

Kagami _knows_ there’s rumors. How can there not be. His breakup with Hitoshi and the fallout of that breakup had been incredibly public and incredibly _humiliating._ That kind of thing created a lot of drama, but he’d successfully ignored, if not completely avoided most of it.

However, he knows that those rumors can only get worse once people start to find out that he’s gotten with Aomine— which, admittedly, had happened only about a week after his breakup. And he can acknowledge that it looks kind of bad.

Who knows what those speculations are. That Aomine’s a bounce-back, or maybe even the cause of their breakup in the first place. That he’d cheated on Hitoshi with Aomine after all and is taking up where he left off— 

None of it’s true, so it shouldn’t bother him, but it does put him on edge. Not because it particularly hurts his feelings, but because he’s anxious about how Aomine might react. 

A few of their close friends know they’re together already, having either figured it out or had been informed once Aomine was sick of getting suspicious looks. They reacted mostly positively, if with some degree of confusion.

Kise in particular had gotten onto him about it. Aomine had kept glaring at him as if to shut him up, but it didn’t stop him from pestering Kagami later when he got the chance, and the point of his chattering came down to — _‘Why Aominecchi?’_

Kagami had no idea what Aomine was trying to stop Kise from saying, or if that was even it, but it made him stop and think.

Aomine hasn’t resisted people finding out about them, but Kagami knows that he’s a little hesitant to shout it from the rooftops for the whole world, so for a while they just go on like that — they don’t tell people, but don’t _not_ tell people, if that makes sense. Kagami lets his team find out and doesn’t deny it, but around other classmates, he keeps it to himself.

He knows people have been wondering. Especially the ones who’d seen how Aomine had treated him in the gym, months ago. Disgust and fury, _violence—_ To an outsider it would seem strange for them to end up together. Especially after the relationship he'd just gotten out of. He knows his friends are wondering why.

He doesn’t explain to Kise. There’s probably no point trying. It’s hard enough for him to understand at times.

Aomine can be downright cruel. A jerk. He’s smug and infuriating most of the time — but there’s another side to him.

A sweeter side that Kuroko has always talked about, referenced in passing as the shadow of Aomine’s past self, the self _Kagami-kun_ had never gotten to see— 

But Kagami _has_ seen it.

Last summer, he’d gotten to know that side of Aomine. Kagami came to realize that as lazy and self-centered as he came across, he could be a thoughtful person, and did most of his kindnesses when no one was looking. 

Little things that Kagami noticed more and more. Aomine winning a prize for Momoi from a prize crane arcade game. Giving her some pretty goldfishes in a bag at the festival and forfeiting his own win. At the mall, an unexplained purchase alongside his usual collectible shoes, some glittery phone charm obviously not meant for him.

He’s kind to animals, likes to tease little kids. And for all his disrespect, Kagami’s seen him carrying shopping for an old lady.

That private sweetness, it’s part of what drew Kagami further into the vortex, already thoroughly captivated, but at that point, caught in the inescapable undertow. Because that summer, he started to open that side up to Kagami too. Spending every day with a person will do that. 

They’d gotten closer that year than Kagami had ever imagined they’d get when they’d first met on the court all that time ago, this dark and mysterious kid with a thousand-yard stare. In reality, still a big doofus who had to pick up every frog he sees down by the river.

Since they’ve gotten together, that sweet side of him starts to peek out and exist alongside the usual aloof attitude instead of just giving him the little glimpses he’s known before. 

He starts to be sweet to Kagami too, and that was something Kagami never could have imagined. Maybe it’s not exactly the same way he’d be sweet to Momoi, but it’s there, mostly in the form of relentless teasing. He teases and picks at him almost constantly, like a little boy does, pleased even when he gets Kagami mad with him. 

The way he acts around him now, he spends most of his time trying to rile Kagami up just to get a reaction, annoy him until he gets his attention— which admittedly wasn’t so different from how he used to treat Kagami in their rivalry, but the atmosphere is different. Instead of being cocky and smug about it, Aomine seems pleased to pick at him, giddy almost when Kagami gives in. 

This is different, because it’s so clearly _flirting,_ clumsy and counterproductive as it is.

He’ll tug on Kagami’s hair and his clothes, and poke in his armpits and his sides, an idle attempt to annoy him until he gets what he wants, which is for Kagami to slap him away. Which he does, because he doesn’t have the willpower to ignore it forever. Aomine always looks way too happy when he finally gets Kagami to retaliate. It’s totally meant as flirting.

He’ll throw little paper balls at him to see if he’ll lose his temper— or acorns. Once he’d whipped a pebble at his butt, which hurt, but it sure got his attention. _Flirting._

Aomine will bring him little toys and knick-knacks, useless cheap junk with no purpose other than novelty and sentimental value, and he’ll wait after giving it to him, practically vibrating, to see if Kagami’s pleased.

He’ll reach out for Kagami’s hand with this oddly vulnerable look, like he’s ready to risk Kagami leaving him hanging, risk looking uncool— willing to do something that makes him scared, just for the chance to hold his hand.   


Why Aominecchi? That’s why. 

  


. . .

It’s Kagami’s birthday today.

His dad calls him in the early morning to wish him a happy eighteenth, and Kagami treats himself to some burgers and a shake. Kuroko and Tatsuya send him messages too, but that’s the extent of his celebrating.

 _‘Hey, come to the court,’_ Aomine texts at around two p.m., and for a second Kagami thinks that maybe, is he…? 

_‘The one in the park by your house.’_ Kagami swallows. That’s the spot they’d confessed. The tiny abandoned park with the overgrown trees and the busted up court. The spot they’d touched hands for the first time and hid from the rain under the steel awning. Aomine specifying that particular court on a day like today, that… makes him think this is something meaningful.   


_Is he… ?!?!_  


No, it’s probably a coincidence. That’s what he thinks anyways.

When he shows up at the little park, Aomine’s waiting on the rusty bench, arms flung over the back, legs spread out. There’s a plastic grocery bag on the ground by his feet.

“Took you long enough.” He’d sound lazy and uninterested as ever if not for the unmistakable way he’d perked up when he’d seen Kagami coming. Kagami wonders if he'll ever stop feeling warm all over when he does that.

“I don’t wanna’ hear that from you, late-ass.”

“Whatever,” Aomine scoffs, sitting up, eyes bright when Kagami approaches the bench and slings his bag to the ground. 

“Let’s play then,” Kagami said apprehensively when Aomine just kind of stared up at him for a minute.

“In a sec. Here.”

“Huh?” Aomine bends and opens his duffel, taking out a package the size of a shoebox. “What’s—”

Aomine practically shoves the box into his hands, and Kagami realizes all of a sudden in an excited burst, _he remembered— how did he know?— oh god, he remembered—_

When Kagami just stares from the box, to Aomine, back to the box, Aomine starts to practically vibrate where he sits. Kagami plops down next to him, still holding it in disbelief until Aomine can’t contain himself and orders, “So open it already!”

Jolting, Kagami rips the brown packing paper and feels his chest swell with an eager breath. It is a shoebox. _New shoes—_ He throws the lid open. They’re not from Aomine’s collection. They’re brand new Air Jordans, red ones— 

There’s also a cooling headband that says _CALI BABY_ on it in English tucked inbetween the shoes, and the bottom of the box is full of Maji’s cheeseburger coupons.

When he looks up, Aomine’s waiting expectantly, a little uncertain, but he cracks a smile when Kagami starts to grin. 

“You, uh… didn’t have to, uh— Y’know, spend—”

“Shut up,” Aomine blurts hurriedly, flustered, to keep Kagami from saying it out loud that he'd used his allowance on him. Kagami laughs, flinging the shoes out of the box.

“Oh my god, they’re awesome.” Aomine tells him to shut again when he tries to say thank you, and then Kagami screeches to a halt, midway through kicking off what he came wearing— “... Can I wear them now?”

“Don’t make me kick your ass, Kagami!” 

They’re just his size, and holy shit, they feel great.

They play a couple games and then rest in the shade. Aomine keeps looking at the shoes, smiling a little every once in a while. He'd brought a birthday pastry and some sodas in his bag, which lasted about a minute or so after Kagami learned of their existence. 

All in all, it’s more than he would’ve wished for if he could’ve dreamed up the perfect birthday.

“Hey so I got you something else.”

“What?” Kagami looks up. There’s more?

“Yeah, but it’s a surprise, so. Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” Kagami wrinkles his nose in suspicion.

“Why do I have to close my eyes?” Aomine doesn’t have anything else over here with him that he could possibly give him, not that Kagami can see. It’s not like he has pockets in his shorts either, so Kagami doesn’t see how he could have another gift—

“Just close your goddamn eyes for your gift, Kagami,” Aomine practically yelps and Kagami realizes like a jolt of lightning— _Oh._

This is Aomine psyching himself up. Isn’t it.

Kagami hurriedly shuts his eyes, palms immediately starting to sweat as he waits with bated breath.   
  


And waits— and… waits?  
  


“Aomine?”

“Yeah, just a second.” He sounds weird.

Kagami manages not to open his eyes in curiosity, even though it’s killing him. Aomine’s not doing what he’d thought he’d do. Wait, did he read this wrong? He’d been sure for a second that Aomine was gearing up to—

He squirms a little. Maybe he was mistaken. He'd probably just gotten his hopes up. The more he thinks about it, the more Kagami's realizes how long he's been sitting here with his eyes shut, long enough that he's positive he must have gotten the wrong idea. Maybe this is a prank. It’s not like it’d be out of the ordinary for Aomine to do something like that.

It’s just as this thought crosses Kagami’s mind that he feels Aomine’s breath on his cheek, and he instinctively jerks, eyes flying open. They spring apart when he accidentally cracks their skulls together. 

“OW!” Aomine yelps, holding his forehead. “What the fuck was that for!”

Kagami hisses, rubbing his head. “Son of a bitch.” He grits his teeth. “What the hell were you doing, you idiot?”

Aomine takes a breath but then lets it out in a pout, looking butthurt, and mutters, “Nothing,” and Kagami suddenly realizes that he wasn’t mistaken at all, and is struck with a wave of guilt and panic. Oh god, he’d been about to do it, hadn't he. He'd set it up and everything to be romantic and Kagami had just ruined the moment being a clumsy fool when Aomine was trying to be brave and go for it— 

Aomine won’t admit his intentions, sulking. Kagami helplessly gapes. Shit, let him rewind the last five seconds and do it over. Aw man, he's ruined it!

Rubbing between his eyebrows, Aomine finally mumbles, “Numbskull.”

Kagami manages a laugh and Aomine grins a little, still holding his forehead. “My bad.”

“Yeah, your bad. That felt like cement, you clumsy fool.” Kagami snorts at the teasing, and Aomine doesn't take it any further, eyes dropping.

Kagami swallows and then clears his throat. They're still awfully close...

Aomine’s shifting a little uncertainly, and gives Kagami a glance, seeming disappointed, and Kagami thinks he’s reading the mood correctly this time. 

Maybe he should go for it himself. There’s a sudden burst of nervous and excited butterflies in his stomach. Kagami squirms and scoots an inch closer, and then leans in a little— _slow,_ because he’s not positive that—

He watches the split second flick of Aomine’s eyes as they dart to his lips as he approaches. Watches him gulp and can hear his hands fist in the weeds beneath them, but Aomine tentatively meets him halfway, leaning in a stuttering jerky inch or two, eyes clenched shut tight.

_Oh god, it’s really happening, it’s—_

Even the shade is hot and muggy today. The park is abandoned, the grass barely stirring with the gentle breeze, and the two of them sit in the weed-choked gravel lining the busted up picnic area, hidden away under a gnarled up maple tree. The cicadas are singing when Kagami closes the gap. 

His eyes drift closed when their lips meet. Aomine’s mouth is cool and a little damp where he’d bitten the skin off. Aomine’s stiff as a board, rigid and tight-lipped for a moment, but after a couple moments, he melts against him. His shoulders drop as the air he was holding in rushes out, warming Kagami’s face.

When they part and Kagami opens his eyes, he watches Aomine’s eyes flutter, his face relaxed and dazed. Kagami wonders if that was his first kiss— 

Aomine’s eyes drift open, but he keeps looking all dumbstruck and stupid— tender almost. 

He’s never seen him look like that before. The only thing that comes close is one night that already feels forever ago, sitting by the pool with a broken heart under the light of the moon, lost in Aomine’s eyes— 

Aomine seems to come back to reality, because he shakes himself and blinks, and then starts to flush, avoiding his eyes and pressing his lips together. Kagami's heart is leaping with every beat. 

_‘I want to kiss him again. God, I love this guy—’_

Kagami approached again, licking his lips, unsure, and when he gets close enough, Aomine lifts his chin and meets him again, a little sigh escaping his nose, kissing back slowly and tentatively.

What an amazing feeling. Something shy and alight with nervous excitement, dancing in his gut, tingling in his palms. Kissing his new boyfriend in the park by the basketball court. _Twice._

Happy eighteenth.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i know i said i was done with angst but stories without conflict is like untoasted bread with no butter.
> 
> enter: horny but caring and respectful bf kagami, and skittish scared it's-not-as-gay-if-it's-just-tender-kissing aomine
> 
> pls forgive me

The next few months fly by.

Before Kagami hardly knows it, in his blur of happiness, spring is just around the corner again. 

This time they’ve spent together, his school days with Aomine, it’s felt like a dream.

After their first kiss on the court, Aomine turns eighteen at the end of August and summer's over before Kagami knows it. School starts again, and basketball season starts up. Kuroko is captain this year on the basketball team. Kagami’s fallen into the role of informal coach, but everyone’s agreed that he needs to focus most on his role as power forward, especially now that college is looming in the distance.

It’s weird to think about. This is their last year of high school. It's almost time for his next big life change again. Going to university, becoming an adult. It makes him look forward to the coming summer with a mixture of excitement and something bittersweet. It's a shame that it'll be over soon. Sometimes Kagami feels like he blinks and months have sped by, his young days slipping through his fingers like sand, but you can't go back and live them again. You can only hope they'll be happy memories when you look back later.

He doesn't dwell on it too much. The time to do that is after it's over, and not before. He's always been good at moving on in life, looking forward and letting go of regrets of what he might have lost. Instead of feeling too sad that it's his last summer in Japan with the friends he's made, he's excited that it's his last summer before he can go home— go home to America and start playing college basketball. The way he sees it, that's his next big step on the road to going pro, to getting drafted in the NBA.

Kagami’s been thinking about the future for a while now— enough so that he’s been working equally hard in school as he does in basketball club. His intention had been to transfer to a school in California, because it would improve his chances of getting on a college team. At least, that had been his intention last summer—

High schools in America are college scholarship scouting grounds. That’s the way Alex pitched it. Kagami personally doubts he’ll get any scholarships, not with a wealthy father like he has, and certainly not being a foreigner. He was paying full tuition no matter how you slice it, and it’s enough that his dad supports his dream to be an NBA player without the extra help from the school.

However, it’s also because his dad is going to help him with school that he’s been stuck in Japan until now. Because that means his dad has leverage over him.

He'd planned to go home after the first year of high school was over. And then he'd tried again last summer and been doubly pissed when he ended up here for another year _again._ In the end, he'd gotten stuck here for all three years, but at least it's almost over now.

It hadn't been all bad. He gets to stay in Japan for another year with the team he loves, so he can't resent it too much. He and Aomine face off in the Interhigh and the Winter Cup, each of them giving it their best. Their teams ended up as the final two— Seirin had won, and Aomine hadn’t seemed as upset as he should have.

Fall was spent training and shooting hoops after school and cleanup and basketball practice. And it was spent eating soup with Aomine and watching the NBA season on TV. 

On Christmas when he was lonely for his dad and homesick for California, Aomine had come over uninvited and brightened his day, asked him how they do it in America, asked him if he'd make a strawberry christmas cake— kept him company and frosted cookies and cut paper snowflakes and listened to holiday songs he didn't know for an afternoon.

On Valentine’s, Kagami put his best into making homemade chocolates, wanting to surprise Aomine. The confession notes in his desk from the girls in his class, the chocolate he receives from classmates, none of it seems to warm his heart quite the same way as it does when he awkwardly tells Aomine he made him some candy, and then ends up receiving a surprise gift from Aomine too.

Maybe that's what's flying past the quickest. His days with Aomine.

It's so easy to get used to, Aomine showing up at his house to visit, his face becoming an expected part of his routine. The days blur together.

Holding hands on the way back to his house from the court if no one's out on the sidewalk. Aomine's big palm ruffling him on the hair, Aomine getting in his space and picking at him when he doesn't want to say out loud that he'd like a kiss, like some attention— Aomine's hand in his coat pocket when it's snowing, his pink nose and cheeks. Trying to stack and lace their long legs beneath the same little kotatsu to keep warm. Sweats off and feet resting up on the heater together. Coming in when it's evening and taking a hot bath, eating some dinner, talking and screwing around until they fall asleep. Watching the frigid February rain fall from the floor of his apartment, watching it rattle on his balcony. Vacuuming while Aomine lays on his couch with a magazine, kicking his leg and snacking.

When they’re alone, if he's feeling brave, he’ll call him Daiki sometimes—

Aomine always gets spoony and embarrassed over it, but he’s reciprocated a couple times. It thrills him right back to get called Taiga. He's not used to it from him. 

It feels strange after this long, to call each other something different. Maybe it's just another way things are changing. It feels like they're changing so fast. Like one day he'll blink and he and Aomine will be all grown up.

It's a sweet ache, thinking about it.  


Last year if he’d imagined what his life would be at this moment, he’d thought he would be in California right now. He’d been disappointed initially, because when Alex found him a coach in the US during the summer after second year, Kagami had gotten all planned and ready to go back there for his senior year of high school— but his dad had said no.

The way his dad saw it, he’d only just sent him to Japan, so he’s staying put. It's the same thing he said the summer before when Kagami had tried to go back.

“But Alex found this coach!” he can remember protesting, outraged at the unfairness of it but full well knowing the position he was in — completely at the mercy of his father’s whims. When it came to it, he can complain all he wanted but it won't do him much good.

“I don’t want you moving too many times. You’re doing well where you are, so please stay there, son,” his dad said, almost coaxingly, like it was really Kagami’s decision. 

Kagami was quiet for a beat, considering, and then muttered, “Don’t you want to see me more often?” That was clearly playing dirty, and his dad probably saw through the manipulation immediately, but it was worth a shot.

“You know I do,” Dad sighed. “But moving too much during high school— it’s not good for you.”

“Why not,” Kagami grumbled petulantly, and he knows he’s being immature, but his dad just doesn’t get it. This is his best chance and he’s going to be stuck here wasting time for another year. 

“You can’t form meaningful friendships when you hop around too much.” Kagami gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. That doesn’t matter! It’s not like he’s not going to say goodbye to everyone he’s met here eventually anyways. What’s one more year. He’s probably not going to even remember them in adulthood— Twenty years from now, _thirty,_ their faces will fade, these times will be a warm blur of street basketball and running laps and getting in trouble for screaming off the roof on the first day of the school year.

“You’ve already had too many big changes. I blame myself for it.” Kagami exhaled slowly through his nose, holding the phone to his ear and staring at the countertop. “Please enjoy being young while you can. That’s all I want for you.”

Ah fuck.

“Growing up's not a race. You can still reach your dreams, kiddo. ” 

Kagami was butthurt that his dad had used guilt on him, so he didn’t bring it up again. He’d wanted to go to California, but when his attempt to get there had failed, he hadn’t told any of his friends that he’d tried to leave. Partly out of pride and partly from not wanting to hurt their feelings. But he had wanted to go, and he stays grumpy about it for some time.

But if he's honest... Now he and Aomine are boyfriends, and they’d had a great third year together, so looking back, he’s a little glad that he didn’t go.

If he had, he and Aomine never would have been able to date. He would’ve been gone in America last year right when the summer started, before he and Aomine had confessed, before Aomine fell for him and he got to live out this amazing dream where his feelings were returned. He would have left before all of that, when he and Hitoshi had still—  
  
  


Well…

Maybe Dad was right about some things. 

  


It’s still about March, so they play basketball in the community gym instead of at the street court, because it’s cold outside and snow and slush is still on the ground in some places. 

Aomine tags along to his place after, and ends up sleeping over as usual. That's one of the good things about living alone. It can get really lonely for Kagami sometimes, but an upside is that he doesn't have to explain things to anyone. He can have Aomine over as much as he wants, as late as he wants, and not worry what Dad will say— not that he'd do more than tease anyway.

They’d lain out talking into the night. Aomine’s forehead brushed his as they lay facing each other, long legs curled up. One of Aomine's knees is wormed inbetween his. Kagami pillows his head on his arm, eyes falling shut. Aomine’s pulling on his hair gently, picking at pieces of it and delicately twisting the ends in his fingertips, and Kagami’s out like a light.

Aomine’s saying something to him but he’s mostly asleep already. He can feel Aomine shift.

“Night Taiga,” he murmurs, and Kagami’s lips quirk in a smile as Aomine’s warm breath ghosts across his face. He feels him press a kiss into his cheek.

He wakes once in the night to find they’ve fallen asleep on the couch together, the TV turned down low. Aomine’s spooned against him from behind, and is pressing into his back, arms around his middle squeezing unconsciously. The subtle rocking of his hips against Kagami’s back makes his eyes drift open just barely.

Kagami yawns, elbowing Aomine a little until he shifts and inhales deeply, smacking his lips and humming as it whooshes out. When he settles, he lays still, and Kagami drifts off.

When he wakes, he sits up on the edge of the couch and scratches at his chest, checks his phone. Hitoshi’s texted again.

Aomine rolls over to compensate for the heat lost when Kagami separated from him. Kagami glances at his sleeping face.

He clicks his phone off and gets up to make breakfast.

  


Whatever initial apprehension Aomine must have had about kissing, dating, holding hands with a guy, he’s certainly gotten more comfortable with it by now. 

A few months together has eased them into it, and it feels, not _ordinary_ exactly, but natural— for Aomine’s hand to seek out his own when they’re in relative privacy, or for his lips to meet his with no hesitation when they’re alone in Kagami’s home. Kagami felt perfectly at ease to reach out and touch him, no thought that Aomine would stiffen up or flinch back in uncertainty. He'd stopped doing that a while ago. When Kagami leans in to kiss him, Aomine doesn’t look nervous about it anymore. In fact, he’s eager to reciprocate. When they’re kissing, Aomine relaxes, calm and content, eyes fluttering sleepily. 

It's cute, really. Whether it was time or practice that made it easier, he's got no idea, but it drives Kagami up a wall to kiss Aomine _whenever—_ to be able to just _do that._

Kagami can’t believe it’s already spring again. Their relationship has been such a joy to his life— but happy times always seem to go by quicker than the sad.

The school basketball season is almost through around the time the cherry trees are blooming all over the country. It’s a rare warm day in mid-spring, the sun shining and the wind calmed to a slight breeze, enough that the chill is bearable. When school is out, they meet and walk through the park and eat a packed picnic Kagami made ahead of time. 

Kagami sits up and lets Aomine sprawl on the blanket beside him, leaning against his leg as much as he dared in public, his dark head against Kagami’s knee, propped there with the barrier of his arm. As they talk lazily and watch the blossoms fall together, Kagami has to stop himself several times from letting his hand fall to Aomine’s head, because it would feel so natural in that moment, to look down at him and stroke his hair, so perfect, pillowed in his lap like that— 

If they were in America right now, he would. If they were in California, on the beach somewhere, then he'd kiss him right here.  
  


Aomine came over that weekend after school. When he gets in and kicks the door shut behind him, Kagami looks up from the living room where he’s pushing the swiffer around the floor mat. He opens his mouth to greet him, but is interrupted.

“Hey, siddown’,” Aomine drawls.

“Huh?” Kagami blinks with the realization that he’d almost welcomed him home on reflex, as if they were— 

“Just sit.”

Kagami sits. Aomine drops his bag, loosens his tie, and Kagami has a moment to go wide-eyed and gulp— _‘Woah.’_

Right before Aomine throws himself down on his legs, flopping across him. He sinks facefirst into the sofa, sighing contentedly. “Ahhhh.”

“Pff,” Kagami snorts, letting his hands settle on Aomine’s back, one on his hair, scratching a little. Aomine feels like a cat who’s decided where to nap, heavy and floppy. “Get up, I was just dusting. It’s gonna get your uniform dirty.”

Aomine hums inquisitively. 

“It’s on my apron.”

Aomine’s quiet for a second. Kagami figures out why when he lets out a humongous sneeze into the sofa cushion. He snickers a little and then nudges Aomine in the stomach with his knee. “Lazy ass, you’re heavy.”

Aomine shifts, latching on, eyes closed. Kagami nudges him again and Aomine just hums.

He suspects this might be an excuse to cuddle on him without having to come out and initiate verbally. Aomine still has his pride some days, and some weird unspoken protocol on how physical affection should proceed. Cuddling rarely happens during the day. Usually only in the evening when they’re both half exhausted from staying up all night playing video games or watching late night TV and yakking at each other. Maybe it feels more natural to bundle up next to each other at those times— the daylight has a way of making it more difficult, more vulnerable, to be that honest.

Aomine usually doesn't want to get too close during the day, not with the big gay sun shining down on them. 

Well if he’s gonna’ strap an arm around his middle and cuddle his belly, Kagami sure isn’t going to do anything to ruin that. It’s amazing that it’s still such a thrill after six months. Maybe because they're creeping along at such a slow pace, and Aomine is still the same old lazy jerk that he's always known, someone he wouldn't expect to be a cuddler. He wonders when it will stop surprising him. Stop elating him. Part of him hopes it never will. 

“If you’re worn out, then take a bath.”  
  


“Kay.”  
  


Later when he’s tidying and waiting for Aomine to come out and eat, he picks up the trail of clothes he’d left on the floor in the hall on his way to the bath, and he puts them in the washer with his own and his dusty apron— When he kicks the bathroom door and hollers that he told him already not to throw his shit wherever he wants— He thinks, if this is the new ordinary— _what a wonderful ordinary._

  


He and Hitoshi hadn’t gotten very far, as for the physical side of their relationship. They’d fooled around some, and there had been a period where they’d made out more than they’d talked, but they hadn’t done much more than that.

Not for lack of trying on Hitoshi’s part. 

It had all been pretty exciting to Kagami, much more adventurous than he'd ever been. Having a boyfriend was exhilarating, and Kagami really liked kissing. It was so easy to get carried away and get a little too excited, but Hitoshi never seemed to want to stop. Kagami was always the one to come to his senses and say they should slow down, that's enough for now—

When Kagami had started getting hesitant to go further, Hitoshi had started to push. Which had only made him resist more, of course.

That made things even more tense. Whatever frustration and jealousy that had already been building up in Hitoshi was compounded every time Kagami stopped at the boundary, retreated, and in Hitoshi’s eyes, _spurned_ him. 

They’d never ended up having sex. He's glad now that they didn't.

It's not that they hadn't gotten close. Kagami had never been able to go through with it in the end though. They’d get carried away and almost get right to the edge a couple times, but Kagami had always backed out. He’d always told himself that he was waiting until it felt right, the first time should be meaningful, no hurry, but in the end, as much as he’d liked Hitoshi— and god, he really had...

If he's honest with himself, part of it it was probably because he hadn’t been able to let go of his feelings for Aomine. Not entirely.

If he looks back, Hitoshi must have eventually realized that too. Because it wasn’t just their sexual relationship that suffered from the torch Kagami held. It had shown up in big ways. Aomine had been a wedge that had grown and grown between them, and it’s still a source of guilt. He can't imagine how that must've felt, to know the person you like most likes someone else just a little bit more, and no matter what you do, you can't outshine them...

In any case, Kagami tries not to dwell on it. These days, it’s a thought that comes to him maybe once or twice every couple weeks. It’s in the past anyways.  
  


“Hey!” He looks up when Aomine calls him from the bathroom. It’s a Friday, and they’d spent the afternoon out together. Aomine had gone in to take a shower a while ago. “Kagami!”

Kagami slides the bathroom door open, tentative at first, and then exasperated. “What…. are you doing.”

“Little help here.” Aomine gave him a sarcastic look, raising an eyebrow.

He’s on the floor with his butt out of his jeans— his dark skinny jeans which are stuck on his legs. Kagami just blinks, and continues to do so until Aomine huffs and sticks his foot out at him. A laugh escapes at his stupid predicament, but he grabs onto Aomine’s pant leg and pulls.

Aomine yipes when that does nothing but drag him across the tiles. They both stare at each other for a second, and then Aomine gets a death grip on his underwear just before Kagami heaves backwards, towing him across the floor and into the hallway.

“What the hell is this friction?!” Aomine shouts. 

“I know! It’s not like you have that much leg hair!” Kagami grunts, bracing himself and yanking back, only scooting Aomine along on the ground some more, butt-first.

“Man, it’s really gripping on,” Aomine notes when Kagami lets go. They rearrange on unspoken agreement. Aomine braces himself on the bathroom doorframe, an arm on either side, and Kagami plants his feet square, getting a grip on his pant leg, and _pulls—_

“They’re too _small,_ you idiot!” he strains.

“They went on easy!” Aomine protests, teeth gritted, hanging onto the molding for dear life as one hand flies down to the waistband of his underwear, which have tugged down a centimeter with his jeans. 

Kagami’s eyes hone in on the slice of skin revealed between Aomine’s t-shirt and pants, a tanned stomach, and where Aomine holds onto his front, underwear dragged low on his stomach, so far below his bellybutton that for a second he can make out a bit of dark hair. 

His heart jumps, he swallows hard, hell, maybe his pupils dilate—

He doesn’t know if he pulled any harder at that moment or if the pants were finally giving in after all the abuse, but that’s when they finally shoot off. Kagami ends up on his butt, wind knocked out of him.

Aomine’s laid out flat, panting at the ceiling in the hallway. He looks ridiculous like that.

 _“Jesus Christ,”_ Kagami huffs, disgruntled, getting up and making like he was dusting himself off, avoiding his eyes.

“You’ve got no business wearing pants that don’t fit. Those were made for a thirteen year old.”

“It’s called having a sense of style, Kagami. Not that you’d understand,” Aomine needles, which makes a vein pop in Kagami’s forehead.

“Only _sense_ I’m getting is that you don’t know how to dress yourself,” Kagami snipes back. 

“I’ve seen you wear red and green together, don’t start.” He keeps ignoring Aomine, who doesn't have the decency to even pretend to be ashamed about the whole predicament. No modesty. So oblivious— His eyes follow Aomine’s bare thighs as he stands up and gets in the bathroom.

“You raise my goddamn blood pressure,” Kagami mutters, and Aomine snorts. Kagami spitefully whips the balled up jeans in his face, unable to resist smiling when Aomine laughs.

Aomine showers and Kagami cooks. He lets out a short sigh.  
  


_'I think my pants are too small too—'_

It’s funny that it took like, a year.

No. Maybe it didn’t take a whole year. It might be that he’d been that good at _ignoring_ it for a year, successful in putting it from his mind completely.

He'd been right to do so too, because once the thought is there, it starts to plague him. Appear at unwanted times. Inappropriate times. It’s the exact reason that he’d never let himself think about Aomine like that back when it had still been a secret. He’d never let himself dream about so much as what it would be like to hold his hand, let alone _fantasize_ or anything like that _—_

It had felt wrong. Thinking about him like that when Aomine didn’t know. It felt dirty. Made him feel guilty.

More than that, mentally holding him at arm’s length had in turn held back the floodgates, and he hadn’t wanted to start something that he couldn’t stop.

It should be different now that they're in a relationship. He shouldn't have to hold himself back as much, but he'd done so anyway. Some of it was to avoid bothering Aomine needlessly, but if he's honest...

However much he’d moved on from the humiliations of his early teens, not being able to control himself might have made him afraid, just a little, of how others would react. And more than ever, he doesn’t want any weird business to affect his relationship with Aomine. 

He doesn't know what Aomine would think if he knew— so it's easier all around if he just doesn't let himself go down that road. That's how he'd dealt with it all until now anyways. But of course it can't go on forever.

At eighteen years old, healthy and young and easily excited, it's only expected that it would happen eventually.  
  


He and Aomine have taken to playing basketball in the ren cen facilities. It’s just about warm enough that they should be able to play outside at all their favorite spots soon, the air crisp and pleasantly cool once their blood got pumping. For now, it still gets his ears and nose numb, and his fingers fumble too often, so they stay indoors on the polished gym floors, hogging a half-court to themselves.

They go hard. That hasn’t changed. Aomine does tease him a bit more sometimes, messing with him and grinning cockily, playful and flirty as he keeps the ball out of reach with some unnecessarily showy maneuvers. When he succeeds in riling Kagami up, he matches his pace—

Blazing hot, his heart pounding hard, lungs working, blood rushing through his entire body, he can feel everywhere they touch during their match, Aomine’s lean body shoving and banging and pressing against his as he blocks him time and again to intercept. His hot damp skin, his handsome smirk, his _smell—_

Is it any wonder that he starts to get a little excited.

He doesn’t even mean to. It’s not like that’s where his mind is going, really— it just happens!

“My win, Kagami!” Aomine crows, after the final dunk, obnoxious about it, and Kagami shakes himself. He manages to keep it from getting to the point where it's noticeable, but Aomine doesn't help things, getting in his face and yelling in his ear, _“Oh!”_ prompting Kagami to shove him away full force.

Aomine laughs as he stumbles backwards, undeterred in his efforts to wing Kagami around the neck with his arm, noogying him and dragging him to the lockers. Kagami hunches his shoulders and scowls. “Hey, who said we’re done,” he snaps, but isn’t as insistent as usual.

“I’m starved!”

“Get your sweaty pit out of my face, will you—” 

“Can we have barbecue? Show me how to grill the kabobs you make. I love those.”

“If it’s not too windy for the grill. And if you’re actually going to _help.”_

“I am,” Aomine pretends to pout, still side-hugging him around the shoulder in a show of broship. Whatever he feels daring enough to get away with at a public facility. As much affection as he thinks will _pass—_ “Who says I don’t help.”

"Yeah. Help _eat_ them."

"I want my lawyer. I've had enough of these baseless accusations."

"What, are you gonna sue me?"

"Yeah. For all the basketballs you own. But I might reconsider for a price."

“Fine then. Grill night.” Kagami cracks up when Aomine glances around and practically punches his cheek with a quick peck, then ruffles his hair again. He's so goddamn cute sometimes that he can't help but smile, no matter how much he tries to keep up a front.

  
“You’re the best.”  
  


Kagami looks down, a smile lingering. “Heh.”  
  
  


Aomine showers next to him in the lockers, scrubbing soap into his hair and yakking at him. He wants pork kabobs. And grilled eggplant. Kagami shuffles a little, hand between his legs, because it came back, worse this time.

He’s embarrassed, but he manages to keep his voice level, and keeps his back turned, facing the wall and washing his hair one-handed.

He doesn’t think Aomine notices.

Kagami glances over, and Aomine’s turned, arms up, scrubbing his hair. His eyes run down his soapy back, the way his butt shows a dimple on each cheek when the muscle tenses as he shifts his stance. A long, lean, streamlined body, a dark head of hair.  
  


Kagami sighs.

  
  
  
  


When Kagami’s at home and the night is over, when they kabobs are eaten and the grill is put away and the video games are played and the bickering is through— 

When Aomine can’t find any more excuses to linger, kisses him goodnight and heads home, Kagami shuts himself in the water closet. 

He puts up the toilet seat and grips the front of his pants. He leans a forearm against the back wall, shirt stuffed in his mouth, and he touches himself, knees quivering. All that he’d kept pent up throughout the day, their game, peeking at him in the lockers, Aomine trying to wrestle him around the apartment, snuggle on him, getting a boyish thrill out of picking at him like it was a normal day, completely unaware that Kagami was being shaken up like a soda bottle.  
  


The release of that pressure— _Jesus._ He can't help but sigh and sag with relief. 

And then, the immediate surge of guilt, like a wave upon the beach. He flushes it down.  
  
  


When he puts his clothes in the laundry, bathes, and then gets into bed, he lays on his back, arm over his face, and the thoughts come— because really, he always knew there would be no putting that back in the box once it came up.

He swallows.

And he can’t help but wonder now…. what would it feel like? To touch each other like that?

Kagami huffs out his nose, rolls onto his side, and slaps his pillow over his head, squeezing hard.

  


  


It’s April. It's been nine months now since their first kiss. Nine months of dating. He should be used to it. Even Aomine, hesitant as he's been, has gotten used to it, and almost never looks uncertain anymore. He actually initiates probably more than half the time at this point, and Kagami's got it real good, doesn't he—

“You drive me crazy.”

Aomine grins, shows his teeth, and leans in. Kagami sighs through his nose, smiling when Aomine gives a silly hum against his lips. They kiss and they kiss— 

He's not like Kagami would've expected him to be. He'd thought Aomine would be a rough kisser, he looked like someone who would bite and use a lot of tongue. Maybe it would be like fighting, or like a basketball match, something to win, maybe he'd get Kagami's heart racing— but it's not like that.

When they're alone together, when they're holding each other and kissing, he's completely unlike his usual self. Aomine is quiet, slow. He’s gentle and warm. Eyes shut like he’s concentrating on every movement, like every second is passing by in an eternity. Like kissing Kagami comforts him, brings him this sense of utter peace and contentment, leaving him lazy and happy and easier to manage.

It's unexpected in the beginning, but it's April now, and Kagami's used to it, looks forward to it. With Aomine all zenned out, stroking his hair and cupping his face, kissing him on the lips, Kagami can’t help but wind down too, heart fluttering weakly.  
  


This time is not like most times.

  
Aomine’s really into it. He’s crowding against him, like there’s a sense of urgency. He’s tilting his head, his hands laced into the roots of Kagami’s hair, gripping on and pulling him in. He’s pressing into him like he wants to consume him, keep him in this moment, and in pushing them together, Kagami’s hands instinctively come around Aomine to hold him there, splaying on his back and molding to it. 

As Aomine’s mouth locks with his, a warm firm pressure, his heart quickens. It’s exhilarating, even after this long, to feel Aomine hang onto him like this, to kiss him with such zeal. It lights a fire in him, stirs the passion that Kagami's held back, kept tamed so as not to scare him or push him away—

He can only hold back for so long before he can't help it anymore, and with Aomine so eager, Kagami pushes his luck. He opens his mouth wider on the next kiss, letting his tongue touch Aomine’s lips, just a little. He holds on, trying to keep kissing him, even deeper, match his enthusiasm—

Just as he'd thought, Aomine pulls back, hand on his mouth. He doesn’t break out of the embrace, their foreheads still brushing, but he is looking at Kagami with a suspicious glare.

“Hey…” he mutters accusingly.

Kagami tries to look oblivious, but reflexively licking his lips probably doesn’t help his case.

He doesn’t say anything, because it’s probably better not to outright ask. Pretending that it wasn’t what he’d been trying to do in the first place was also a no, because Aomine of course has already caught on to him immediately. Kagami’s never as inconspicuous as he thinks he’s being, which is a shame, because it's not like he'd been that bold about it. He’d just been testing the waters.

 _'It was just the tip—'_ he thinks hysterically.

Kagami tentatively leans in again, brushing their lips together, but it seems like Aomine’s done, or lost the mood, because he turns his head a little so that Kagami’s mouth is against his cheek instead. 

He feels a little queasy, wishes he could take it back. Aomine's still giving Kagami the side-eye, and he seems a little rigid, like all of the trust of nine months, slowly letting down his guard, letting Kagami close— he'll throw his walls back up in an instant if he gets scared.

Kagami thinks that maybe it’s better not to push. 

After he and Aomine fell out last year, Kagami moved on with life.

It’s not hard to ignore Aomine’s texts. Not hard to wash his hands of someone who was supposed to be his rival, someone he’d thought he knew, especially after last summer together— 

Not hard to walk away from a guy he’d loved so _so_ fucking much. Not after that shitshow in the gym. Clearly he hadn’t been the person Kagami had thought he was. Not a guy worth loving, if that was how he was going to act.

All of that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to stop feeling heartbroken. As used to moving on as Kagami was, that was admittedly much harder than usual. Letting go. Maybe because it hurt this much. For a while he’d almost thought he wouldn’t get over it.

He kept seeing Hitoshi, kept up with basketball as usual, went to school and played at the courts, made friends there from the streets. When he was with Kuroko, or came across any of the other Kiseki no Sedai, he didn’t talk about Aomine. Ignored the conversation if they brought him up. 

He didn’t talk about Aomine, and after a week or so, he didn’t think about him much either. He hasn’t seen him in a while, and going on that way, he can almost act like Aomine’s dead— and he’s always been good at saying goodbye to the dead.

Carrying on isn’t hard. It only takes a couple weeks for this to be the new normal. Perhaps there’s a lingering sense of regret and hurt, but he doesn’t dwell on it. He never does.

  
He’s used to leaving things behind.  
  


Kuroko’s been trying to appeal to his good nature for some time, petitioning for forgiveness on Aomine’s behalf, but Kagami won’t hear it. He doesn’t get upset and tell him to shut up about that guy, doesn’t tell him that he’s over it and made up his mind to get that piece of shit out of his life— He doesn’t snap, not even once. It’s so easy to just ignore it. To just _not care_ anymore and go on without Aomine.

When Kuroko tries to confront him, tell him how sorry Aomine is and if he would just talk to him, then maybe this misunderstanding could— Kagami stares him in both eyes. 

“It’s in the past now, Kuroko. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. If you understand, then don’t bring him up again.”

He doesn’t need a person like that dragging him down. Not anymore.

It’s almost a month before Kuroko starts to get more insistent. Ignoring Kagami’s wishes and bringing Aomine up unprompted, despite knowing that Kagami would completely ignore him until he changed the subject, Kuroko tells him he’s in contact with Aomine.

He’s heard from him that Aomine isn’t doing so well. He’s gone into a depressive episode, as Kuroko describes it. It probably should make him feel good— to know that Aomine’s suffering the consequences of his actions. That he’s taking it harder than Kagami is. That he feels _guilty._ He deserves to, so Kagami should feel vindicated.

Instead, he just feels emptiness.

When they meet in the gym, when Kuroko traps them in there, the traitor, Aomine’s eyes met his like that of a deer at night in the middle of the road, alarmed but dazed, wide with something like fright, but he seems frozen there, staring at Kagami like he thought he’d never see him again.

He looks like shit. He’s disheveled. The color of his skin is off, making him look ill. There’s an oily sheen on his forehead, and underneath his eyes is puffy and dark. He looks… smaller than usual. Not skinnier, exactly, but… slumped in defeat.

All he can muster is a sense of pity and disgust, and somehow, seeing him that pathetic, seeing that he’s so obviously suffered the last couple months, it makes him angry, because why should this have to happen. Why does it have to be someone he admires and cares about and _loves_ who rejects him— Why can’t it be easy.

And when Aomine comes around with his pathetic excuses even at this late hour, Kagami bursts, and all the shit he’d thought he’d let go of boils up inside of him all over again, and he screams and rages until he thinks his heart breaks again on the way out. 

Overcome with rage and hurt, Kagami lashes out. Aomine won’t fight back, not really. Looking down at his stupid face and seeing this confusion looking back, still, after everything, totally unaware of all the obvious things— He stares into his face, searching, at the end of the line, for some kind of recognition. He doesn’t know what he’s hoping for. It should have died out long ago.  
  
  


But it never, never dies, does it. Not completely.   
  


No matter how he tries to let it go.

  


“How did you turn out to be so disappointing.” 

He knows people are curious why he ended up with Aomine, after all of that. Even he couldn’t really explain it to himself, why he’d forgiven him, when he probably wouldn’t have been as lenient on someone else. He doesn’t know if he would’ve given anyone else a second chance, no matter how earnest they seemed, no matter how much Kagami understood their motives, however wrong. 

Jealous, huh. He can see that. It certainly sounded like Aomine, to get himself worked up into an indignant spiteful rage and then refuse to back down because of pride. The guy admits he’s wrong next to never.

But he’s admitting it now. Says he’s learned his lesson. Tells him his reasons and admits that they weren’t good ones. Looks so sorry and so hopeful for Kagami to forgive him that it works on his heart. He’s never been made of stone. Maybe that makes him a fool.

It’s not like he isn’t used to walking away. It shouldn’t have been any different. But in the end, Aomine’s always been like that. Different from everything and everyone he’s ever known.

Something always leads him back.

  


“Let’s go to the court,” Kagami greets when Aomine meets him up outside the station.

It’s finally warm enough, and they’re both itching to get outside.

“I wanna’ play basketball,” Aomine hums, wandering after him. What he wants is some attention. 

When they get to the court, the shitty one that no one ever comes to, Kagami feels something brush the top of his head as Aomine wings a pebble at his hair.

Kagami lifts his head to chew him out, but Aomine’s giving him this soft smirk, eyes dancing mischievously, and he doesn't know who moves first, but next thing he knows, Aomine's kissing him and he's sighing into it.

Aomine’s arms sling around his waist, linking at the small of his back. Kagami gives in, one hand at the back of Aomine’s head. Aomine lets out a hum of a laugh on his mouth, swaying with him a little.

He keeps hugging Kagami around the hips, pressing them together, and something about the way he smiles when he pulls back for air, angling his face the other way, their noses touching, Kagami felt a wave of heat shiver through him from his toes all the way up his back, standing his hair on end. And then, next thing he knows _—_

He’s getting hard.

Kagami breaks away, wide-eyed. “Oh,” he stutters out. “Sorry, I didn’t—”

Shit, he’s so embarrassed. And worse than that, he feels really guilty. It was a total accident. Why the fuck can’t he just control himself. Aomine didn't even do anything, he hadn’t even been having dirty thoughts and it still—

He blurts out a bunch of stuff, excuses, doesn’t even know what he’s saying really other than trying to defuse the situation before Aomine can retreat. But when he finally makes himself meet Aomine’s eyes, he sees that he looks confused.

And an instant later, there’s sudden recognition. 

That’s when Kagami realizes that Aomine hadn’t even noticed yet _—_ that he’d gotten an erection. Kagami gulped hard, dry and painful, heart in his throat, face blazing hot.  
  


_‘What have I done, I panicked like an idiot, why did I do such a pathetic thing—!’  
_

What’s worse is that Aomine looks… _upset._

He's giving Kagami this look, almost offended and so fucking hurt that it makes Kagami's breath freeze. This is exactly what he hadn’t wanted to happen _—_ for Aomine to get grossed out or scared. Does Aomine think he's expecting something? He's not!

His eyes are so judgemental, it's like they're hating him with all their might for ruining things. For doing this while they kissed. Like he'd tainted their love somehow by bringing his stupid _gay shit_ into it. It's something hurt and distrusting and a little bit afraid.

Kagami feels so rotten. He wants to comfort him, but he has a feeling that if he were to reach out for him, Aomine would recoil. Fuck, he can't even swallow.

“Look. Just ignore it,” he tries to reassure, a little breathless. He picks up the basketball, fiddling with it, holding it like a peace offering. “Okay?”

“I can’t,” Aomine finally says, and Kagami’s heart plunges. It's not that he's being harsh, or even that he's punishing Kagami for being a pervert _—_ it's like Kagami hurt his feelings and now he's completely dejected. 

And he's tense. Fuck, he's so tense. He might not be expecting Kagami to try anything weird, but he looks so incredibly uneasy. He won’t look at Kagami. He’s coiled up tight, one foot back. He doesn’t even look like he wants to play now.

Kagami rubs his arm uncomfortably. “… Sorry,” he mutters.  
  


“Whatever.” He clams up, jaw clicking shut.   
  


Aomine doesn't talk much for the rest of the day. 

_  
Shit— _Well now he feels like dirt.

. . .  
  
  


When Kagami goes home, he lays in bed. He texts Aomine a little bit, tries to say sorry again and then drop the subject, but Aomine's answers are short. He really messed this one up. He doesn't know what he's going to do to make it up to him. 

He spends a long time thinking before he can fall asleep. Ahh _—_ he's the worst boyfriend alive...  
  
  
  


In the morning, he opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling, letting out a sigh. He’d dreamed about _him_ again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, cherry season is starting, so I'm going to be at the family farm for about three weeks. I will still try to update but please give me some slack if I am late.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy this chapter. I promise the whole thing isn't just Kagami being sad and gay. Just the start.

After what happened on the court, Kagami tries to cool his head.

He doesn't bring it up again, because he doesn't want Aomine to pull even further away from him. Kagami wishes more than ever that he knew what Aomine was thinking so he'd know what to do. He thinks they should talk, so he can explain himself, tell him it was an accident, but even mentioning it might be a bad idea with Aomine already on the defensive.

Kagami doesn't want Aomine to think of him as some big gay pervert, or that he's been waiting here silently for the opportunity to... to what, to strike?

He just doesn't want Aomine to think that this means he wants to rush or something, or feel pressured. He hadn't even meant for it to happen—

Of course it'd be different if Aomine were a little more receptive. Kagami would be really excited to take the next step, whatever that is. Aomine is really handsome, his body is awesome, Kagami's incredibly attracted to him. But it's not like that means anything or that he's let it consume his thoughts— because Aomine is so obviously on the fence.

Kagami doesn't want to push him. Because what if he falls off on the wrong side?

The first couple months of dating, it didn't even matter anyway. Kagami was too caught up in a dreamy haze of disbelief, a sweet rosy joy. He doesn't know when exactly it got harder, to resist the temptation, force himself not to fantasize, catch himself admiring Aomine's physique in passing until his collar feels hot—

This thing they've got together seems to Kagami an incredible blessing, something he needs to treasure and protect, and he doesn't want to taint it, doesn't want Aomine to stop trusting him or start giving him suspicious side-glances. In a way, he wants to shield Aomine from that side of himself. 

Sometimes, it almost feels as though by letting his self-control slip, he's disgraced the pure, innocent love Aomine's shown him. Hasn't appreciated it properly.

It sucks even worse to wonder if that's what _Aomine_ feels he's done.

Kagami really wishes they could talk about it. He thinks too much when he's alone. He's probably blowing this out of proportion. Aomine will probably cool down. There's lots of reasons for him to neglect to text back. Maybe he's doing some thinking of his own...

In any case, during his time alone, Kagami promises to appreciate Aomine more and be a better boyfriend. He knows he can prove to him that he'll do better, if he can just get the chance.

He doesn't know what exactly is going on within him, but he can definitely deal with this on his own and leave Aomine out of it. Whatever this is, pent-up aggression, an overactive libido, he should just keep it to himself and not make it Aomine's problem. Kagami can handle it in private and leave his poor boyfriend alone, that's how he sees it— so he resolves himself that he's not going to push no matter what, or bring it up again, and if those thoughts cross his mind anymore, he's definitely not going to show it!

He really wishes he could talk to Aomine about it, but he just doesn't want to scare him anymore... 

Besides that, he's not even sure how Aomine would take it if he tried talking about it, even just to apologize again. All Kagami knows is that the boundary between them, the one he'd thought had melted down when they started dating, it's still very much _there_ _,_ and he must have crossed it.

Flexible as it had become over the past months, he'd pushed past this nameless unseeen boundary he wasn't supposed to push past. And now they're in territory that is too gay for Aomine to cope with just yet. Too much, too fast.

Kagami understands. He doesn't like it, but he thinks he understands.

Because he's pretty sure that when Aomine had started to like him, whenever that was, it's not like it was because he'd had some sort of epiphany about liking guys. All that stuff about saying _fag_ and getting mad about seeing him kiss Hitoshi, that hadn't been Aomine compensating because he was in the closet too. Kagami knows Aomine genuinely does like girls a lot, that wasn't an act.

But despite those things, he'd fallen in love with Kagami. Kagami _knows_ that. He can see it every day, that Aomine is goony over him.

But it's not... a _gay_ thing, if that makes sense. 

It's actually kind of sweet, that Aomine liked him so much that he seemed to have broken his own rules. Even if he was scared and unsure about the rest of it, he didn't bother thinking that much about what liking a guy really meant, just knew that his heart was Kagami's, guy or not.

It's like he's some separate entity, exempt from all that other bullshit, and all Aomine sees is his true self.

It's so touching that Kagami's sure he'll love him forever on that alone.

But sometimes— sometimes Kagami wonders: is Aomine attracted to him at all?

All the rest of it, the physical side of their relationship, Aomine is still slow on the uptake when it comes to getting to terms with the rest of the stuff, even at this late date. It's like he doesn't want to think about it or even acknowledge the issue. Kagami can't tell what he's thinking and can only guess. 

Maybe Aomine is reflexively repulsed by the thought of sex, if it's with another guy. Maybe for the first time since they've gotten together, he doesn't just see Kagami as he is, he sees Kagami, the young man, and has to accept that what they're doing— what _he's_ doing and feeling is... is _wrong—_

Kagami hopes he doesn't feel that way. He shouldn't go off and think stuff like that on his own, the big baby.

He wonders if it's just some visceral reaction. Is Aomine grossed out? Or is he reacting how he thinks he should react, how he thinks other people expect him to react, still trying to maintain some sense of pride out of fear of what others will see him as. 

But how does Aomine really feel on the inside? Did Kagami just surprise him? Is he confused and scared, but perhaps still a little curious? Is he really just not attracted to Kagami?  
  


_'Or,'_ Kagami thinks, dreads, hopes— 

_'Or is he scared because he is.'_

He feels like he's landed on something. It seems to click. Maybe that's why Aomine had gotten upset, because Kagami had made him think and feel things he didn't want to feel, things he wanted to continue ignoring.

He hopes that he's right, in a way, because then at least he knows Aomine isn't hating him, isn't pulling away disgusted and getting ready to change his mind and dump him. He hopes Aomine just got scared because he's dealing with his own issues and doesn't resent Kagami now. He hopes Aomine does feel passion for him, and is just reacting badly.

In a way he hopes he's figured it out.

But in another way, that thought fills Kagami with a sense of helplessness, because—  
  


  
Because if that's it, then... what's he supposed to do?   
  
  


He can't act on the knowledge, can he? He gets the feeling that if they go any further in the fairly innocent relationship they've had until now, the relationship that Aomine's gotten used to and seems content and comfortable with— if Kagami tries to take the next step, somehow he feels that it will make Aomine retreat no matter what.

Scare him. Make him close up again. Withdraw.

If Kagami tries to confront him about it or talk it through, he thinks just maybe, he might lose Aomine in some way. Irreparably damage their relationship. Forsake his trust.

He doesn’t want to do that.

  


. . .

Friday is fun. Momoi and Kuroko came along, so it's a nice group. Aomine's been messing with him nonstop, and they've been fooling around all afternoon. Kagami's been doing his best not to rise to it, or at least not as much as usual, because Hitoshi's here and he doesn't want to look immature. He wants to look cool to him, but Aomine’s always been able to push his buttons just the right way.

Kagami's getting pretty aggravated, because Aomine's latest and most annoying attempts to pick at him has been randomly shoving him and then pretending not to know what he was talking about. Besides that, every time he tries to talk with Hitoshi a little, he gets distracted because Aomine's been talking his ear off, like yakking with him is all the joy he needs in life.

“Nikes every time.”

“Well of course, _you_ would say that—”

“You’re getting on my nerves.”

“But you say it like Nikes would give you a chance of beating me.”

“What the fuck is with your tone,” Kagami warns. “I don’t want to hear it, Kuroko told me you have a shoe encyclopedia in your fucking closet.”

Aomine looks indignant, and Kagami has to try not to laugh, because he can read plainly on his face — _don’t talk to me or my forty-seven shoe-sons ever again._

“At least all I’ve got in my closet is shoes. Unlike some people.”

“Is …” Kagami squints for a minute. “... Is that supposed to be a gay joke? Wow, you’re pitiful.”

“Okay, but I bet that’s why I couldn’t find your porn mags. They’re in your closet. Like your face.”

“You know what else is in the closet—” That’s all he gets out before Aomine sends him ass first into a bush.

Kagami manages to grab him by the shirt and tow him down with him into the gravel, satisfied with the alarmed yelp that follows before Aomine slams into him, hand going straight into his gut. “Oof!” 

“Ow! You maniac! I got a leaf in my eye!”

“You fucking pushed me first, I don’t feel sorry for you!”

“Yeah? Eat dirt, Kagami!” Aomine grapples against him, scooping up a handful of rocks and shoving them into his face. Kagami squints his eyes shut, grimacing.

He pins Aomine on his front, hand on the back of his head, grinding his face into the gravel. He’s laughing. He likes this, the big jerk. Any kind of attention, good or bad, as long as it's him at the center—

Kagami huffs and climbs out of the bush. He feels a little sheepish when he sees Hitoshi laughing. Aomine gets up, dust in his hair and leaves in his clothes and hands in his pockets like it was his plan all along to yip like a hurt puppy and tussle on the ground. Kagami can’t describe the feeling, irritation, exasperation, and an undeniable fondness.

It’s also something of a relief to know he can still be himself around Aomine and have Hitoshi too. Maybe Aomine doesn’t exactly like Hitoshi, he can tell that he doesn’t, but he’s keeping his opinion to himself. Sticking by Kagami’s side, as his buddy.  
  


What a wonderful thing, to have both.  
  


When the movie starts, Kagami settles in. He gets sucked into the film, staring up at the screen without blinking, shoveling popcorn into his mouth, but he's drawn out when he feels Hitoshi’s finger start to trace lines on the back of his hand. His breath in his ear is such a thrill— Kagami knows what he wants, the hairs on his neck standing up in excitement.

He turns his head to whisper to him, but in the dark, his lips meet Hitoshi's, brush and then latch on. Kagami’s heart skips as he angles his head to meet it, twisting in his seat, his pulse pounding hard and hot. They’re not alone. They’re in a public place and their friends are with them—

Hitoshi’s hands grip the back of his shirt, fingertips digging into his shoulders, and Kagami’s blood is on fire. No one will see them anyway. They’re all watching the movie and the dark will cover them. There’s no reason not to get completely swept up in it. Not that he can think of. _Wow, this is—_

It’s only when they get outside that he notices his ring is gone and that Aomine hasn’t said a word since they left the theater.

. . .

Ever since the boner incident, Kagami’s been feeling a little unsure of where he and Aomine stand. He hasn’t come over in the last couple days, and Kagami’s been walking on eggshells trying to get back on his good side, or even his _not so good side._ Honestly, Kagami can't even suss out if Aomine's still mad or not. He's just been so distant all of a sudden, he doesn't know what to do.

He’s tried talking to him on the phone, and they’ve played basketball since that day, so it's not like Kagami hasn't seen him at all, but it feels like Aomine's thrown up a barrier on his side. When they’re together, Aomine doesn’t mess around with him like usual, or pick at him, or touch him. Or look at him really...

It feels so rotten. Kagami can’t help but feel somewhat panicky. Has he wrecked everything? Did he blow it?

The anxious thought even crosses his mind that Aomine might be thinking of breaking up with him. Maybe he doesn’t want to do this anymore.  
  


He sends a basketball text, stomach in knots.  
  


Aomine sends one back later.

The next time they see each other for a basketball date, everything seems normal. They play basketball all afternoon, and Aomine seems to loosen up. Kagami doesn't bring it up and does his best not to act weird.

It's futile, really. All his talk about overcoming it through sheer will, his determination to prove to Aomine he was above it, it's all a sad joke. It's like trying to hold back a tide. Inescapable. He can't fucking help it—

By the time the game is over, Kagami’s a little turned on. Not unbearably so, but the damage is done.

_'Shit—'_

Aomine notices. He can tell by the way his face goes ashen. Instead of closed off, this time his expression is an obvious one, total dread.

Watching Aomine gulp and freeze up, one foot back, Kagami wants to sink into the ground and disappear, he wants make fun of him to try to snap him out of it, call him a baby, _you big chicken, you think I'm gonna' attack you or something?—_ He wants to claw at his hair, beg him to just talk to him, holler at him, _are you afraid of me? Aomine, come on!_  
  


_'Please... please don't pull back like that. Please don't be scared— You're not supposed to be scared of me...'_  
  


Alarmed, Kagami holds his hands up to placate him. He keeps his distance. Tries to stop looking as aghast as he feels and put on a smile instead. Tries to put him at ease and tell him, it's okay, it's not what you think—

Fuck, Kagami's mortified. This is so fucking embarrassing.

How's he supposed to even explain himself. He doesn't know what to do. How did he end up in the position of having to comfort his boyfriend because he's popping boners like he's still thirteen— 

“Sorry,” Kagami blurts. He means that. Not exactly for being attracted to Aomine, but he's sorry to have upset him.

“I guess I got a little excited.” He tries to smile. Aomine won’t look at him. It’s like he’d shut down. Completely clammed up.

That might be better. Kagami knows better than most that when Aomine's cornered or defensive, his lashouts can be incredibly cruel and hurtful— so he tries his best to be nice, to coax him.

“Aw, c'mon, it wasn’t on purpose…”

Aomine’s not listening. He’s staring at the ground and repeatedly digging his thumbnail into his fist, clenched at his side.  
  


Kagami's shoulders slump. He takes a deep breath. Maybe it's just better to be honest.  
  


“Daiki.”

  
Aomine looks up. His eyes are defensive and wary, brow creased. 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. This doesn't... I mean, it doesn't mean I was expecting something...” Kagami trails off, rubbing the back of his head. “I know that kind of stuff bugs you, so... of course I'd never ask you to, if you didn’t want to...” 

He looks away. Shit, now he’s getting flustered. “So… so, don’t let this bother you.”

“...” Kagami glances back, peeking at Aomine, who's looking at his feet again. He can't help but feel a little disappointed. He'd hoped that would help...

Aomine finally shifts, squirming a little, hands stuffed in his pockets. Kagami starts, pricking his ears. 

Hesitantly, Aomine lifts his eyes to him, head half turned like he can't face him otherwise, and then mumbles, “Shouldn’t you be focused on the game?”

There's no accusatory tone. It's mostly just unsure. His voice is so deep, but he sounds so painfully young in that moment.  
  


Kagami swallows and breaks eye contact for a second.   
  


_‘I mean. I am. But I just get so fired up that I can’t take my eyes off of you— ‘_  
  


He huffs a laugh, looks down. “I am. But y’know.” He scratches the back of his head, peeks an eye at him and tries to smile. “I’m your boyfriend.” Aomine swipes under his nose and looks away. “Of course I’m focused on you too.”

He squirms and purses his lips for a while, cheeks flushed. His shoulders are hunched and he burrows his hands in his pockets. Kagami scuffs a foot and whatever that was, it seems to break the spell.

Face still dark with a blush, Aomine offers a tentative smirk. Kagami blinks, holding his breath.

“Gaaaaay—” Aomine teases, and Kagami’s shoulders drop in relief.

“Yeah well,” he blusters sheepishly, not bothering to deflect.

Aomine snorts, and Kagami can't stop a grin. He shrugs one shoulder and scratches his hair some more. 

"We playing or what," Kagami mumbles.

"I dunno', think you can handle it?" They're joking about it. They can actually joke about it. Kagami's heart is thumping, and instead of guilt, he just feels a thrill of embarrassment and excitement, same as always when Aomine gives him that flirty smile.

"I should probably keep my shirt on, huh..." 

"Oh what _-ever_ , Aomine. First to five picks dinner."

"Sure." He gives him another sly smirk and stretches his arms behind his head, the little shit, showing off the gleaming muscle. Kagami scowls. "Focus now, okay?"

Kagami just huffs, and Aomine gives him a loving swat on the hip, scooping the ball up.

After that, Aomine seems to brighten up.

  


. . .

  


For a time, Aomine untwists around him again, and Kagami’s content to go back to normal.

He untwists too. He thinks that the immense pressure to hide how he felt may have aggravated his frustrations, because he's feeling much more relaxed now that they've sorted things out. It's much easier, now that Aomine's seemed to forgive him for getting carried away and not begrudge him a few hot-blooded stares.

Just the act of telling him he's not expecting anything, it seems to have done a lot to put Aomine's mind at ease.  
  


Maybe it's not so much that he'd felt Kagami would press him on the issue or try to force him, because Kagami doesn't believe that Aomine could think that of him— He thinks maybe it's more that Aomine had felt stuck. 

Still trapped between what he wanted and what he's scared about and what he worries others would think. Scared of what _Kagami_ will think if he backs away. Refusing might upset Kagami, accepting meant trying something unknown and frightening. Accepting meant crossing some invisible line that can't be uncrossed, it meant branding himself to the whole world in a way. What if this ruins his life, what if he's scorned for it? What if he doesn't even like it? What if he _does?_

It was a weird position to be put in, a really hard choice. Maybe that's why he'd locked up like that and distanced himself. Hadn't known what to do, so he just hadn't done anything—

Kagami's got no idea what's going on in his head sometimes. He wishes he was better at guessing. Maybe he could try to comfort him. Talk to him about what's bothering him.

He seems better for now at least.  
  


They’re out for Maji’s together, spread out in one of the booths in the corner, right by the window. The sunshine is lighting up their table, sparkling through Aomine’s glass of water. He’s been trying to teach Aomine some English. It’ll be useful for the coming year. For when they go to America together.

He hopes he gets into UCLA. Maybe Aomine will apply there too. He could help look after him more, if he's close. Going somewhere else would be cool too though, because then they could play against each other during basketball season. College, ah, he can't wait... 

To his surprise, Aomine has always really seemed to think it was cool that he could speak English. None of his other friends have ever really asked about it, other than to accuse him when his English grades come back horrible— Aomine though, he's brought it up more than once. He's always done that, ever since they became friends, asking him how to read things in SLAM magazine, what does _‘motherfucker’_ mean, what is this called in English, read this tweet from Jordan out loud, what does it say— _how do you say butt._

Kagami had tentatively started it up himself a while back, to see if he’d be open to learning anything more than random bad words. Aomine seems interested at least. Hitoshi never had really, if Kagami had tried to tell him a joke in English or show him something. 

Kagami shakes his head.

“How are you today?”

 _“Hau ahh yuu ttu-dei?”_ Aomine mimics in his deep voice, so earnest that it's really sweet. Kagami manages not to choke on his burger. Aomine scowls. He never did like to get laughed at, but he’s let Kagami tease him for this long without quitting.

“Are.”

_“Ahhh.”_

“Arrrre.” Kagami bares his teeth to show him.

“Ahhhr— Whhh-aaahhh.”

“Okay now you’re just being a shit.” Aomine grins, holding one of Kagami’s feet between both of his beneath the table. He shifts, leaning forward on his elbows, his drink straw in his mouth, bright eyes meeting Kagami’s.

The sun is blazing through the window, almost unbearably bright. It gleams on Aomine’s hair. He just got a haircut recently and the sides are short again, the bangs cut above his eyebrows. He looks younger than Kagami remembers. Maybe because he doesn't scowl as much. Maybe because he's got the haircut he had when they first met.

“How do I say ‘I wanna play basketball?’” Kagami snaps out of it.

“Important stuff first, huh?”

“You know it.”

They spend the afternoon like that, squabbling back and forth, Kagami teaching Aomine little bits that he’ll probably forget right away, but it doesn’t matter. He knows he still has an accent of his own and probably isn’t the best teacher, but Aomine either doesn’t know or doesn’t mind.

Aomine’s got a really, really thick accent. It’s crazy cute.

Sitting here together, lazing the day away. Kagami’s even eating slower than usual. Just being with Aomine and enjoying the carefree atmosphere, laughing and flirting. It’s fun.

“How can I introduce you as my boyfriend?” Aomine says, under his breath, but not as quiet and careful as he would’ve been in public six months ago.   


Kagami’s heart has wings.  
  


_“This is my boyfriend, Taiga.”_

Funny, Aomine can say the word boyfriend almost perfectly. And the last part too.

  


. . .

  


Hitoshi’s texted again.   
  
  


Kagami sighs and ignores it, sending it straight to trash.

Honestly, sometimes he wishes things had ended better between them. How can he not. Besides the disaster that their breakup had been, what happened afterwards too, Kagami felt that all that could’ve been avoided.

In the aftermath, Hitoshi had talked a lot of shit about him, especially when the information had come out that he and Aomine had gotten together. October had been hell. It felt like all he was seeing and hearing was shit about how far he’d lowered his standards, or that he was easy, needed a dick to suck—

His friends have had his back and had largely taken it upon themselves to correct those rumors any time they came across them. Honestly, he couldn’t have hoped for a more supportive team. 

No one said anything to his face other than one time during the Interhigh, and Kagami had gotten the satisfaction of crushing that team. It didn’t stop the horrible, _horrible_ feeling of knowing that Hitoshi was doing malicious shit even now. Telling everyone that he’s the one who’d broken up with Kagami and not the other way around. It fucking sucks.

The rumors are what had upset him the most honestly, more than everything else Hitoshi had already done. It's not even that Kagami's embarrassed for his reputation. It's knowing that Hitoshi wanted to hurt him like that.

Having someone you cared about turn around and stab you in the back, it’s just awful. The way Hitoshi wanted to twist the knife, keep punishing him at the end, even months later, it just showed the guy’s true colors, didn’t it… Kagami still doesn’t know how he’d gotten that so wrong.

It’s not that the rumors themselves had bothered him. Kagami stopped caring about homophobic rumors in middle school. Why should he care if some guys in a different school think he sucks dick for sport, it’s not like they know him and it’s not like he’s going to let them beat him in a match. The people who know him, since he’s come out in Japan, they accept it pretty quick. The rest of it rolls right off his back.

What had fucked him up was the fact that Kagami has an idea the rumors were meant as a deterrent for Aomine. That especially sucked, because even though Kagami knew Aomine was happy to be with him, it didn’t mean he was prepared to be in the middle of that kind of gossip. He knows Aomine still has a lot of his own issues and was kind of hesitant for people to, like… _know._

It had been scary for Kagami. It felt like everyone on every sports team in every high school in Tokyo knew about their relationship by November, or had at least heard rumors that they were together— all before Aomine had been ready or wanted the world to know about them.

Kagami doesn’t know if people were bothering Aomine as much as they bothered him— he was the main target after all, but Aomine never mentioned a thing about it. He’d been a little withdrawn for a time, which had scared the living shit out of Kagami. 

All he could think was that Aomine was going to back out. Change his mind.

He hasn’t.

Kagami knows it’s all bullshit. The nonsense that Hitoshi’s been telling people, it’s all a load of shit, but Kagami’s not made of stone. The words themselves don’t get to him, because they’re not true of course, but Hitoshi’s malicious intent, wanting to hurt him even now, those hurtful words still make a little part of Kagami feel small and stupid.

He’d… he’d really liked Hitoshi once. Maybe even loved him.

For a while, the bitterness and humiliation and anger of being beaten up in public like that had kept him from doing much retrospection, from thinking about Hitoshi when he didn’t have to, but the intensity of those emotions faded with time. And now, when he looks back, he’s finds he’s filled with regrets.  


Lately, Hitoshi’s been texting him out of the blue. Trying to talk to him and stuff. He wants to meet.

It’s been going on for a month or so, since early March.  
  


In the beginning, Kagami felt a renewed burst of anger. He was still upset and he felt right in blocking him. From Twitter. From his Facebook. From LINE. Kagami doesn’t want to see him. He’s embarrassed and hurt and he doesn’t want to look at Hitoshi’s face. More than that, his pride felt that if he went, somehow it would feel like he was crawling back to him.

But over time, his anger had faded. The messages came maybe once or twice a week. Kagami blocks him again and again, but he keeps finding a way in. Maybe if he changes his number…  
  


After about a month of it, Kagami starts to feel a twinge of guilt. And even a bit of _curiosity._  
  


He hates himself for it, but it’s a tempting prospect, to go see what he wants. Because those feelings hadn’t been fake. Whether or not Hitoshi had been right about being a replacement for Aomine, Kagami doesn't know— but he had liked Hitoshi a lot. That had been real.

It felt wrong to let it end as badly as it had. If Hitoshi wants to make peace, then Kagami thinks he wants to too. After all, even if the end of the relationship had been Hitoshi's fault and only his, Kagami did things he isn't proud of too. Whatever Hitoshi had done, Kagami shouldn’t have dated him when he knew there was someone else in his heart.

For a time now, it’s just been something that comes to him in passing. Haunts him and doesn’t really go away, but most times he just ignores it. He thinks about Hitoshi sometimes even though he doesn’t want to.

Dreams about him. Thinks about him when something reminds him of him. He wishes he could let it go. He’s used to walking away from stuff that’s held him back. He doesn't know why this feeling is lingering.

Maybe if he meets up with Hitoshi one last time, he can finally let this go and move on.  


“Kagami.”   
  


Kagami looks up when Aomine approaches him in the kitchen. He puts his phone in his pocket. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been staring at that text.

He hasn’t told Aomine. He's not going to.

“Yeah?”

. . .

School is out, practice is done with, and he and Aomine are enjoying the rest of the afternoon. Kagami’s sitting on the cement, legs out, having brushed off the pavement beneath him to keep from getting dust all over his uniform pants. He leans back on the concrete bench seat behind him, waiting for Aomine’s return.

When he gets back, Aomine starts up the usual teasing. He must’ve missed Kagami, because he’s picking at him with an absolutely shameless glee. He’s paying him weird compliments again, pushing his luck further and further ever since their little boner truce— god, his flirting is so rotten.

If it’s even flirting at all, and not just straight-up _antagonizing._

Aomine, the little shit, waits until Kagami’s taken a huge bite of his sub to say, “Your butt…” Kagami pauses in chewing, looking up warily as Aomine looks off into the distance, as if in some deep thoughts. 

“... Is like two basketballs,” he concludes.

Kagami promptly chokes when he sucks in a laugh. “What the shit,” he blurts, managing not to spit up his food, but it’s a close thing. Fist on his chest, he breathes in tremulously, and manages to hold back the hysterics, until Aomine, who clearly knows exactly what he’s doing, goes on— 

“Well inflated ones.” He bursts out laughing, he can't help it, _son of a bitch—_

 _“What the shit does that mean?!”_ he shrieks, laughing uncontrollably, slapping his feet on the ground when his laughter starts to mingle with choking. Trying not to die was a nice plan, but fuck that now. Shit, there’s still food in his mouth.

“Are you saying it’s hard?!” he croaks when he manages to swallow.

“I’m saying I wanna’ slam it against the pavement.”

“Pfff-fff—” Shit, the deadpan delivery was getting Kagami every time, fucking hell, there’s tears in his eyes.

“Slam dunk my dick—”

“OKAY!” he practically screams, collapsing into a wheezing fit, holding his stomach. Aomine laughs, looking pleased with himself. 

“You look like a pepperoni,” he notes as Kagami wipes his eyes, coughing and coughing. Jesus, he hadn't expected Aomine to go that far to make a joke. He never used to before.

“I think I breat—” He coughs into his elbow, whacking his own chest with his fist. “Breathed food, gimme—”

Aomine gives him his sports drink solemnly. He waits right until Kagami puts the rim to his lips and them says, “Meteor Jam your—”

Kagami hunches over, trying not to spill all down his front or shoot Aquarius out his nose. Hand under his chin to catch the drips, he fights down his smile as hard as he can, but it doesn't work.

“Shut the fuck up,” he says, unable to keep up the pretense of being serious for even a single word, voice quivering with laughter. “I’m gonna’ strangle you,” he tries, but can’t hold in his fucking giggling. Aomine grins.

“God damnit, I think it’s in my nose.” Kagami sniffs and stands up, rooting around for a napkin. “I’ll get you for this later, you shit,” he mutters. “You're tough now but just wait, you won't like it when it's your turn. Big fraidy-cat.” Aomine shrugs, smirking.

“I wasted a bite of my sub. Sitting at the bottom of my lung, no thanks to you—”

When he sits down at Aomine’s side, ranting and wiping himself down, and then looks up, they’re practically nose to nose. His heart stills. Kagami meets his gaze, and… shit, it’s amazing how happy he feels. Aomine, sitting there, tie and collar askew, sun on his hair, easy smile making his face all crooked.

Gazing at him with that same gentle glow, something quiet and almost painful. Kagami’s tried for so long to recognize what it is in there that holds him so captivated. What it is that makes him feel so helpless. Maybe it’s just love. Devotion. Too much to comprehend.

Aomine’s lashes flick down for a second, and then his eyes are back on Kagami’s, a smile stretching his face as the gap between them shrinks— almost as if on its own, but he knows better.

“No,” Kagami blurts. “Absolutely not, you fuckhead.” He just almost threw up and he probably looks like trash, red-eyed and red-faced, there’s absolutely no reason for Aomine to be looking at him all goony like he wants to kiss him.

“You’re not kissing me after I just hacked up my lungs in front of you—”

“You kiss me then,” Aomine hums, low and dulcet almost, and Kagami gulps. His bones melt, and for a second, it feels like choking again.

Aomine moves his head to meet him when Kagami grips the back of his neck and pulls him in, kissing him hard at first, but softening up when Aomine sighs in contentment. Kagami curls his fingers in his hair, cupping the back of his head. It's the most they've kissed since their fight. Maybe he shouldn't push his luck, but he's really missed this—

A break for air, and Kagami presses back in for more. Aomine’s chapped lips get softer the longer they kiss.

Aomine tilts his head and tentatively opens his mouth wider. His hands are on both sides of Kagami’s head, as if to hold him in place, maybe even hold him back, and it only takes an instant of wondering why before Kagami feels Aomine lick on his bottom lip— just a little bit, retreating just as quickly.

But then he does it again, kissing at his slack mouth, lets his tongue touch Kagami's lips and Kagami’s blood is on fire in an instant. A shot of electricity races up his spine, all the tiny hairs on his back standing up in its wake. A raw powerful rush of exhilaration hits him and suddenly he's quivering all over. Can he really— _Can they—?_

He swallows and takes a shaky breath, approaching slowly like a starving dog ready to be turned away for the thousandth time.

Aomine’s shoulders tighten when on their next kiss, Kagami lets his own tongue meet Aomine’s. Aomine doesn’t pull back. He exhales hard, just a hint of a groan shuddering through. Kagami can’t believe what’s happening— Aomine initiated tongue-kissing all on his own, and he’s not pulling away. He's wound up tight like he's ready to bolt if he thinks he needs to, but he's actually trying it—

Aomine’s tongue feels cool on his, the little flashes of contact that he’s allowed, testing, slow and cautious, never leaving the safety of his own mouth or opening quite wide enough to give Kagami an opening— although, what would he do with it even if he had it.

He’s getting excited. It happens faster this time, an uncontrollable tidal wave not much different than a younger version of himself, smaller and more awkward, big-eyed and not as sure of himself.

Over half a year and their physical relationship is still progressing at the speed of a snail. Most of it hadn’t been difficult at all, but the ride’s gotten bumpier in the past couple weeks. Kagami’s had himself under some good self control ever since they made up after that whole _getting hard during a basketball match and upsetting Aomine_ thing. He knows he’d spooked him pretty bad and he felt horrible about it. He knows Aomine probably doesn’t want to do more than kiss for a long time, maybe forever, and he thinks he's okay with that, even if sometimes he _wishes—_

When he starts to get hard, _achingly hard,_ he pulls back. Aomine’s lower lip is shining wet. His eyes are slightly blown out, the pupils wide and dark. He’s breathing a little heavy too, matching Kagami’s pace. He looks a little surprised with himself.

He lets Kagami retreat, but leans in one more time to press a firm kiss on his mouth, lingering and sentimental.

 _“Fuck, I love you,”_ Kagami blurts, holding his face in both hands when he breaks away. It’s English. Aomine might get what he’s saying, because he’s still smiling, but his eyes go soft.   
  


_Me too._  
  


_More than basketball._

Damn, what a feeling—


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > I may post this one a little slower from here on. I didn't write the Aomine sequel yet, and tbh, I've been working on this series for so long that my brain is ready to move onto other fic verses. I'm still going to try to finish it, but in the meantime to tide you over, please enjoy the new fic I did, Boy in the Cage, for something a little darker.
>> 
>> Please forgive the slower updates on this fic. With boy in the cage complete and ready to post, I'm getting started on another new fic again, so I'll be working on that very soon  
> 

Hitoshi’s chasing him around the house again. They’ve spent the afternoon like that, kissing and playing, some harmless wrestling on the sofa. The fun, light atmosphere is what Kagami's so desperately craved. As the weeks go by, he finds he misses the affection from the start of their relationship, misses playing with a boyfriend who always seems to want him to be serious.

It isn’t until Kagami’s pinned on his back on the cushions, Hitoshi bearing on top of him that he realizes he’s gotten hard. Kagami’s smile promptly drops, his stomach fluttering with nerves and embarrassment. “Uh,” Kagami stutters out, hands on Hitoshi’s chest to keep him at a distance when he leans down to pepper his face with kisses, some futile hope that he can keep him from realizing. 

“Hey,” he murmurs, “Hitoshi?”

Hitoshi hums, kissing along the side of his neck, and Kagami’s eyes flutter shut involuntarily. Oh… wow.

He’s inbetween Kagami’s legs before he can snap them shut, and all of a sudden, Kagami’s breath feels like it’s punched out of him when Hitoshi grinds on him aggressively. Hitoshi’s hard too.  


They should stop.

“Stop it,” Kagami laughs a little breathlessly, pushing half-heartedly. Hitoshi keeps going, grinning in his ear and shifting his hips into him. It's amazingly good— “Hitoshi, stop,” he complains, losing his nerve momentarily when Hitoshi ignores him, eyes twinkling as he kisses into his sideburn, along his temple, face flushed, hair askew. He looks so handsome like that, and Kagami’s heart is pounding with excitement, but his throat is getting tight, a pit of unease in his gut, they shouldn't be doing this—

He feels Hitoshi’s hand go down, and a second later it’s gripping a handful of Kagami’s sweats, cupping his erection. Kagami gets his knee up between them and pries them apart enough that he can scoot back and break away.

“Hey,” he mutters, irritated, but he can only keep face for a second, because Hitoshi rolls his eyes and sighs in annoyance, letting him go.

And as indignant and upset as he’d felt at being ignored a second ago, he immediately felt a wash of anxious guilt at the sight of Hitoshi’s unhappy face.  
  
  
It feels like that's happening more and more lately.  


. . .

Strict self discipline is a nice idea. Usually Kagami's good at that kind of thing. Keeping his distance seemed like a good plan, where Aomine was concerned. If they were to go any further, Aomine should dictate the pace and Kagami will sit back and wait and take what comes. 

If Aomine's scared to get physical, Kagami will wait patiently until he's ready. And if that day never comes, well Kagami's sure he can bear it. His love is strong enough. If he ever made Aomine feel guilty or rotten for withholding sex, Kagami just wouldn't be able to live with himself, so he'll wait on Aomine's time, even if it takes longer than he would've hoped. He'll wait.

He'll wait and he'll masturbate to let off steam when his resolve isn't enough to overpower his attraction.

  
And it was all working out really well until Aomine attacked him.

“Kagami, would you still like me if I grew chest hair?”

Kagami rolled his eyes. Aomine’s over after school again, probably planning to stay the night because he’s changed out of his uniform into some house clothes. It’s not too late to go play basketball before the sun sets, and he's been reminding him of the fact every couple minutes. Aomine’s tired of lazing around waiting for him to finish cleaning and has come around being an annoying shit on purpose, maybe in the hopes he'll abandon his chores.

“This is literally a zero percent chance you will ever grow chest hair. I’ll bet money on it.”

“Fuck you, my dad grew some.” Kagami ignores him, and Aomine gets ill about it. “Whatever— Whatever, _Kagami._ At least I’m not gonna’ grow back hair like you probably are.”

“How d'you figure.”

“I mean, look at your legs,” Aomine teases, gunning for a reaction. Kagami knows he’s being goaded, but he’s never been mature enough to completely ignore it. Not when it’s Aomine. He’s impossible to ignore.

“You’re just jealous of me.” 

“Jealous?”

“You’ve got the legs of a grade-schooler.”

“What, so you think I’ve got no bodyhair?”

“I know you’ve got pit hair. But I bet you didn’t grow pubes till high school.” Aomine’s eyes go steely, and Kagami tries not to laugh, seeing immediately that he’d hit a nerve.

“Say that to my face, Kagami,” he says, deadly calm.

“To what. Your smooth baby buttcheeks face?” Kagami manages to keep his voice level, taking satisfaction in watching Aomine get ticked.  


“Take it back.”  


“No, you started it,” he refuses.  


“Kagami!” Aomine demands, aggravated.  


“No.”  
  
  
Aomine deliberates for a second, and then leaps off the couch at him, tackling him. Kagami takes a few flailing steps back and then crashes ass-first onto the floor. “Hey! You maniac!” he shouts, and immediately starts to laugh when Aomine starts tickling him in his armpits and his sides. “Stop!”

“Take it back or I won’t stop!”

“Stop, stop!” he begs, hardly able to draw breath, curling up and trying to hide his armpits and also keep Aomine’s hands back.

“Take it back,” he demands, grinning wildly as Kagami holds his breath, face red, sweating and wiggling one way and then the other to avoid his probing fingers.

“No!”

“Take back the shit you said before I make you.”

“Fuck… you…” Kagami eeps, collapsing inward like an empty chip bag getting the last of its air crushed out. 

He gets a handful of Aomine’s hair, gripping it by the roots, and wraps his legs around Aomine’s waist, using his leverage to fling them sideways. 

He can remember feeling starved for affection, he can remember wanting so badly to just feel like he can be himself, goof around and not have to put on this _cool guy_ persona to please the person he liked— he can remember how that felt, and being able to be silly like this with Aomine, being able to laugh and be _dumb_ together,Kagami feels like his heart has wings.

They toss back and forth, snickering and squawking, rolling into stupid positions and wrestling each other. Eventually Kagami’s out of steam, giving Aomine the opportunity he needs to pin him on his back and hold him down by sitting on his hips and holding his arms to the floor. Panting and red-faced, Kagami doesn’t struggle, too exhausted. Aomine looks down at him, smug and satisfied.  


Aomine’s groin is on his. Kagami holds very very still.  


He swallows hard, but really, there’s no point. He just can’t help it, and the next few seconds pass with the heavy pounding of his heart in his ears— and he gets to watch Aomine’s face contort with sudden realization.

Realization that he can feel Kagami’s half-chub swelling to a full erection between them with each heartbeat, raging out of his control.

His face is so hot and he’s lost in such a haze of embarrassment that he wishes he could fall through the floor. Aomine looks like he swallowed a sponge and is trying to breathe through it, eyeballs like marbles.

Kagami looks to the side, thinks he hears himself apologize, and tries to focus on how much this sucks. Tries to ease himself down against the floor and away from the pressure of Aomine's hips sitting on his lap. Tries to make his cock stop twitching every time he thinks hysterically, _our dicks are touching—_

“Sorry,” he gets out. “I know it bothers y—”

Kagami stares upwards, flat on his back, vision obscured by dark hair, his stuttering frowning mouth smashed by Aomine’s when he swoops down and kisses him, like he would've lost his nerve otherwise if he didn't go in hot.

His hands are sweaty and damp where they grip Kagami’s wrists to the floor, his body is coiled and tense, but he kisses him hard, determined almost. Kagami's jaw hangs slack, he lays there in a daze, blown away and amazed, can this be happening— 

When he snaps out of it and kisses back, he tries to go slow, not matching Aomine’s fervor at first, because his enthusiasm has always made Aomine retreat before now, has always startled and even frightened him, but today seems different, because when Kagami opens up, Aomine’s tongue presses against his in an instant, licking and sucking across his mouth.

A groan of surprise escapes him, and it just seems to get Aomine more excited. He lets go of Kagami’s arms and cups his face in his palms, holding his head still to try sucking on his tongue. _So bold—_

Kagami's hair stands up and he shivers, tingling all over. He keeps expecting Aomine to retreat, to pull back, lose his resolve when he can't make himself go through with it anymore, but he doesn't, he sticks it out and he kisses Kagami half to death. Aomine closes his fists tightly in Kagami's hair, a shock of pleasure zipping through him, his cock jerking between them. Kagami moans aloud into his mouth, a vibrating hum buzzing as their tongues entwine. His blood is on fire, oh god—

Wow, Aomine’s really on him. It’s probably the first time they’ve made out for real. The most enthusiasm and passion Aomine's ever shown in going this far. The excitement is enough to make Kagami's heart skip and flip. _This is—_

Aomine doesn’t stop there, as if this weren't enough to thrill Kagami for months to come. Kagami had thought he would stop there, that making out like this would become the new boundary, but Aomine keeps going. He sinks his hips down on Kagami’s and Kagami’s arms snap up around him, hanging onto his back, an embarrassingly high-pitched cry of surprise escaping at the sudden jolt of pleasure— heavy pressure squeezing on his erection, trapped between their bodies. 

Aomine exhales shakily, head hanging. Kagami holds absolutely still. Oh god, Aomine's hard too—

Their dicks are pressed together, and even through all the layers separating them, Kagami’s sure he can feel Aomine’s blood pounding, the quick rate of his pulse, he's sure he can make out the stiff outline of his erection, digging down into him.

Swallowing hard, not wanting to push his luck too much, Kagami tentatively presses back, feeling that at any moment, Aomine will snap out of it and chicken out. He's not saying anything, like he's putting all his effort into keeping up the steam of his bravery before it runs out.

When Kagami rolls his hips up, Aomine meets him, the friction is mind-blowing, making him moan aloud. Aomine lays down against him them, hugging him under the armpits and dropping his head into the crook of his shoulder to hide his face. Kagami stares at the ceiling, feeling delirious as one of Aomine's legs dip between his, not driving them apart exactly, but falling there naturally as they slot together. Kagami's own thigh fits up into Aomine's hips, dragging along his groin, the hard bulge of his erection, and Kagami gets a second to gulp and gasp at the ceiling light before Aomine starts moving— _Oh god,_ is this really happening—

Kagami’s head is a whirl of excitement, they're _actually fucking grinding on each other, whoa—_ Aomine finally seems to relax a little, slowing down, melting helplessly in his arms, and Kagami realizes he hasn’t made a sound till now or hardly breathed, because he lets out big shuddering breaths, escaping in a rush. Kagami swallows hard when he hears him hum, deep and relieved.

He has to wonder how they went from so many months of doing barely anything, to _this_ _—_ It felt so sudden, like a dam bursting. They should probably talk about it, he wants to know what Aomine's thinking, his head's probably a _mess,_ but Kagami can't muster the will to stop this. 

Aomine's mouth breathes in his ear, wet and raspy. He tries to turn his face towards him, get a look at his eyes, but Aomine's lips latch onto his the second he does. Kagami can't keep up with any of this, laying there dazed and quivering, hanging onto his back and moaning out.

Shit, Aomine’s humping himself on Kagami’s thigh while they kiss, rubbing his erection on his leg and sucking at his mouth, breaking away and panting in Kagami’s ear, standing the hair up on his neck— God, it feels amazing, digging his fingers into Aomine’s back and pushing himself up to get some friction between their bodies, press his dick into Aomine’s hip. Fuck, the pleasure and excitement is so unlike everything he's ever experienced, he felt overloaded with it.

It’s different. Different from anything Kagami’s known until now. Whatever experience he’d gotten with Hitoshi, this is completely different.

Even when they’d played and teased leading up to makeouts, it had felt somehow _serious_ with Hitoshi. Maybe not serious, but it had felt like he had to stay completely in the moment, be composed, make it perfect, and this is… this isn’t like that.

This is a mess. And completely unplanned. Uncoordinated. Spontaneous and clueless. They’re on the goddamn floor, pawing at each other and clinging on and fucking out their horny energy on each other's legs— Aomine is really just _going_ for it even though he clearly doesn’t know how to tongue-kiss or any of this, even though Kagami can feel him shaking, can feel his hesitance and eagerness swarm and swell within him from one second to the next.

They part for a minute, Aomine braced on his hands above him. He lets out a shaky breath onto Kagami’s lips, cooling the wet spots on his chin and cheeks where his tongue had gone outside the lines and swept past his lips. Kagami can't read his face. His eyes are dark, staying low. He doesn't know what got into Aomine today of all days, why he'd jumped him, doesn't know how he must be feeling, some strange confusing mixture of scared and uneasy and— and _happy?_ Kagami felt a laugh escape him when Aomine shoots back in to kiss him, sweet and clumsy, feels Aomine sigh out and uncoil a little bit, even feels his mouth soften as his determined clenched scowl eases into a smile. Kagami lights up in a grin and all of a sudden he can't kiss him back because they’re both smiling and it’s really hard to kiss when you’re smiling—

He's made Aomine laugh. He can feel it in the way his body shakes, can feel the hum of a laugh vibrating the drum of his chest. A ropy arm straps around him and rolls him, and they thump along until they hit the couch, big bodies and haphazard pile of limbs clunking along the wood floor on the way there.  
  
This isn't perfect or serious or planned out. This is fun.

“Oof,” he coughs, starting to laugh when Aomine’s elbow lands in the soft part below his ribs on accident, and then Aomine links his legs around Kagami’s middle, continuing to roll them backwards and ending up upside down, shirt bunching up under his armpits. “Hey,” he complains, flinging them towards the couch, but not succeeding in breaking free from the leech on his back.

Kagami can’t see Aomine’s face underneath his shirt, but he can hear him snickering, which gets Kagami going again too, because he looks like an idiot.

It feels like it’s okay to fuck up and be stupid and silly. They’re both new at it and there’s no point pretending to be cool to each other. They’ll enjoy it as they go.

That’s another thing that’s different— the moment the same old thing floats through his mind, _we should stop—_

For a moment they part, and he can see a quiver of uncertainty working into Aomine’s brow, a nervous gulp splitting his unsteady gasps for breath, and Kagami doesn’t say it, that same old thing that would make Hitoshi part from him, frustrated, and leave him feeling like a killjoy, would leave him guilty at the sight of the disappointment in Hitoshi’s face—

He doesn’t say it, and lays there trembling, because the spell has broken and the moment has passed, and Aomine looks so ready to bolt that Kagami thinks he won't have to say it. He thinks that Aomine might stop on his own, might back away from the ledge at the same time as he does, because they’ve always been so in synch like that.

But he doesn’t. Aomine clenches his hands and drops his head into Kagami’s shoulder, maybe feeling comfort in not having to look at him while he does something scary. He hugs them in tight until their chests are together, and keeps going, jerky, young, uncoordinated thrusts of his hips rutting them back and forth. Kagami hugs him around the small of his back and meets him, thinks he could go straight to heaven on this alone.

“Fuck,” Kagami gasps, “Daiki… Daiki—” Aomine clams up at that, his whole body seizing, and Kagami can see the goosebumps on his neck, the pulse racing through his veins. Shit, he’s getting there—

He sits up unsteadily, taking Aomine with him, and for a second they’re nose to nose, lips brushing as Kagami slaps around for the tissue box on the coffee table. He grabs a couple and breathes into Aomine’s mouth, nibbling on his lower lip as he sticks them into his pants with his fist.

He hugs Aomine with one arm and jerks himself off in his underwear with the other. Aomine’s cheek is against his neck, chin on his shoulder, knees apart where he rests in Kagami’s lap. Aomine’s touching himself, he can’t see it but he can feel his arm moving between them.

He can’t help the sounds he makes when he gets close. Aomine’s breath on his neck, his quiet panting, the way he tries to bite his lips shut, it puts him over the edge. Kagami convulses when it hits him, his gut tightening up and forcing him to curl forward. His grip stutters, and when it passes, he sighs in relief, going boneless on the floor, laying down flat on his back as he slumps over.

He didn’t know when Aomine got off, must’ve missed it when he’d climaxed, but as he pants and gasps, heart thundering, he realizes that Aomine’s quiet. Quiet and stiff. When Kagami tries to peek at him, he avoids him, won't look at him, and shifts away a little, staring at the wall, lips parted on heavy breaths.

Kagami swallows, mind starting to race and swell with panic. He thinks, maybe, maybe they _should_ have stopped. Maybe Aomine had pushed himself for his sake and is having doubts now. If Aomine regrets it— 

Surprisingly, he’s the one who speaks first. “Uhhh…” Kagami holds his breath, heart quivering. “So... that just happened.” That makes Kagami let out a gust of air and laugh, and though Aomine seems a little on the fence, a little _mortified_ by what they’d just done, he relaxes the more they talk, and even leans down to kiss him, which puts Kagami's heart at ease.

He brings a hand up to cup Aomine's head and kisses him back, sighing a hum. They break away and Aomine stretches his legs out. Kagami sits up, woozy and relaxed, fuck, his body feels great after a release like that.

He doesn't know what the hell bit Aomine this morning to give him the idea to suddenly reciprocate, face his fear in a sense, but Kagami felt so grateful, so thankful for that trust. So many of his worries fade into the ether and he feels so free and happy that he wants to kiss Aomine right on the mouth, again and again. He just loves him to bits.

Feeling affectionate, Kagami gets kind of spoony and tries to hold Aomine's hand. Some more roughhousing ensues when he realizes he must not have wiped it off that well, because Aomine gets the heebies about the cum on his palm, and well, goodbye to that romantic moment.

“One on one?” Aomine suggests breathlessly, adjusting his waistband and leaning above Kagami when he tires of wrangling and wrestling him around. His hair is all ruffled up and his shirt is all twisted to one side, cheeks rosy, mouth wet and pink.  


_‘Fuck, I love this guy—’_ Kagami feels his heart swell up into his throat.

“You’re on.”

. . .

Kagami had made plans to meet Tatsuya this afternoon. He’s been looking forward to it. Life is good, honestly. He and Aomine are doing great together, Seirin is putting in some serious training hours and seeing improvements, and his brother's coming out to see him after a long absence.

Aomine had spent the weekend over, and walks him out to the train station and says goodbye when Tatsuya shows up.

He’s been putting off introducing them.

Part of him has made excuses until now— _Tatsuya already knows Aomine, so there’s no reason to reintroduce him as his boyfriend— We shouldn’t waste time talking about something everyone’s aware of, I barely see him and I should be focusing on that and not… other stuff—_

But really he knows the thing he’s trying to avoid is lingering embarrassment. He doesn’t want to have the conversation that he knows will come. Wants to leave it in the past.

Because he’s done this once before.

He can remember the afternoon, so proud, so excited. Introducing his first ever boyfriend to Tatsuya. Spending an afternoon with the both of them at the arcade, beaming as he showed Hitoshi off to his brother.

Asking him later, “What do you think?” and anxiously awaiting his approval.

“He seems nice,” Tatsuya hummed. Kagami beamed.   


It’s the same thing people always said when they met Hitoshi. Every single time.  


His brother’s lukewarm reaction in particular had become a source of resentment between them, especially later on. Maybe because Tatsuya might have been the first person to see something not right with Hitoshi, way, way back in the beginning.

And Kagami had of course not wanted to listen. Why would he.

But looking back he can remember an afternoon with the two of them, he can remember asking Tatsuya in earnest, “How was the game with Shuutoku?” and as Hitoshi sits at his elbow and sighs, he remembers being confused when his brother’s eyes narrowed and zoned in on Hitoshi, scrutinizing him.

That second time, Tatuya hadn’t seemed so welcoming. Hadn’t seemed so happy for him to have found someone to date. Hadn’t seemed so willing to treat his first boyfriend kindly. He’d seemed thoughtful. Uncomfortable even. Subdued. Kagami hadn't confronted him about it, because he didn't like the idea of his brother being critical of the guy he liked. And maybe because, after all this time, he didn't want to fight with Tatsuya. He's always been a coward about that kind of thing.  


Explaining to him that he’d lost their ring had been hell. Especially after they’d just mended their fences last year.  


“What’s this about you and Aomine falling out?” Tatsuya prodded him about a month or so into his relationship.

Kagami looks up, chewing on a burger. He shrugs flippantly. 

“Oh that?” he mutters. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Kagami.”

“It’s fine now,” he says. “Misunderstanding.” He avoids Tatsuya’s eyes, but not for the reason you’d think.

It’s already after his big fight with Aomine that they’re having this conversation. It’s after he and Aomine had made up from that fight. After Aomine had apologized and they’d put it behind them. That’s not what he’s being a wuss about.

He doesn’t feel that he has to explain himself further than calling that whole debacle a misunderstanding. He hasn’t even felt the need to mention what Aomine did, hasn’t spread it around to anyone who hadn’t been there to see it in the first place. He doesn’t talk about it because Aomine had apologized for it and it was in the past now, and there was no point punishing Aomine by making him look bad over and over by bringing it up when they’ve already moved on— 

No, the reason he’s dodging is that Tatsuya holds grudges. He doesn't let stuff go. It's been hard enough trying to avoid an ' _I told you so'_ conversation after Hitoshi had beat his ass and tried to ruin his life, but the subject of Aomine is an entirely different beast.

Because just as Tatsuya was the first person to dislike Hitoshi and act suspicious of him, he’s also the only person that Kagami’s ever suspected might have guessed about his feelings for Aomine.

If Kagami had let on, Tatsuya hadn’t said so. He'd kept quiet about it and Kagami never knew for sure if he was being paranoid or if Tatsuya really had figured it out.

But looking back, he wonders.

All those concerns and all those past talks with his brother bring him here now to his relationship with Aomine, and he worries, just a little bit, that it might be better to keep a brother and a boyfriend separate. He wonders sometimes, if Tatsuya holds a grudge against Aomine for those things he’d heard, for that incident in the gym a long long time ago, if he holds a grudge the way he holds one against Hitoshi for hurting his little brother.

And as they stand outside the train station, having known who Aomine is for a couple years, having known about Kagami’s rivalry with him, and probably knowing about Kagami’s longstanding feelings for him, as secret as he'd tried to keep them— they watch Aomine go and Tatsuya says, “That’s the guy, huh.”  


Slightly scornful, but fond. Kagami’s shoulders relax, and Tatsuya teases him a little more.  


“Yeah, that's the guy.”

. . .

Training camp with the first years is going well. He and Kuroko are leading it. Kuroko is leading as the team captain, and Kagami's standing in as coach and as one of the senior players, standing there behind him with his arms crossed, bouncer style.

At the start of the year, a lot of the first years had either not taken Kuroko seriously, or had just not noticed him and had naturally looked to Kagami as the leader, but after the first game, Kuroko’s enthusiasm and love of the sport couldn’t be ignored. Kagami’s there as intimidating backup, and sometimes repeats the things his soft-spoken buddy says more loudly for the bone-headed kids.

Aomine’s there too, showing up uninvited as usual instead of attending his own practice.

Surprisingly, he’s mostly been well-behaved, sitting quietly along the sidelines either napping, watching, or fiddling on his phone while he waits for Kagami to be released to him.

Today he’s causing trouble. As you do.

They’ve been sharing a bag all weekend. And a water bottle. And the clothes in the bag. If his kouhai don’t all know about their relationship already from the many months of Touou’s ace coming around to pester them during practices when he has no business being there, then he doesn’t know what will. 

Most often, he busts in to their practices and tries to swipe Kagami for a match when he should be coaching, and to Kagami's chagrin, all his underlings are too impressed and intimidated by Aomine's skills to realize he's being a flirty dumbass, trying to play grab-ass.

Aomine must want some attention today, because he’s being irritating again on purpose. He’s teasing him and trying to rile him up in front of his team. Kagami knows it’s better to give in to it and give him what he wants and just bicker back, because if he ignores him, he’ll just crank it up and go back to his usual bullshit and actually interfere with their practice.

Today, other than some unnecessary comments, he's more or less waiting patiently, itching for Kagami to take him on their beach date.

Kagami honestly hadn't expected his patience to last this long, waiting. He ought to reward him later for good behavior, if he doesn't get on his nerves too bad in the last hour before practice lets out.

There's a skip in Aomine's step as they head out into the sunshine. The first day it’s warm enough to swim, they take a train out to the coast for a day at the beach.

He surfs for a little while to unwind. He’s out of practice and there aren’t a lot of waves to speak of anyways, but he has fun paddling around on the board and looking at the sky, enjoying the lull of the ocean. Aomine swims next to his board and even climbs on it to sit next to him when Kagami tires of chasing the waves. He urges him to try standing up on it to see what it's like, _I'll teach you,_ but Aomine unsurprisingly prefers watching Kagami surf to trying it himself.

He stakes his board in the sand and they play on the boulders lining the pier, fooling around and leaping off of them into the ocean spray, plunging down into the chilly depths and then scrambling back up onto the rocks.

They play beach volleyball with some girls, they lay on the towel and nap after a snack, and he and Aomine enjoy the shade and the sand when they wake from a doze in the afternoon sunshine. He tells him some English. Tells him about America. Tells him about the beaches in California.

“How’d you learn to surf?”  
  
Aomine sprawls out next to him, head close to his shoulder. Kagami looks out at the water, down the stretch of the shade under the umbrella where their legs stretch out in front of them. Aomine looks more than ever like he wants to cuddle up to him, but on a public beach, he holds back. Aomine’s foot is tipped towards his. Kagami lets his toe touch onto his.

“Lotta’ practice back home— well, in California,” Kagami amends. He sighs, looking out over the horizon. 

“In L.A. they have some great waves,” he murmurs wistfully. “I guess it’d be out there somewhere, huh…”

Aomine looks with him out on the ocean, so wild and choppy near the shore, but the further you look, the flatter the water looks. California's on the other side, way, way out there.

“I can’t wait,” Kagami hums. “It’s just around the corner. UCLA. Just a couple more months and then...”

So much is going to change. College is coming. A completely different stage of life. This time next year, he’ll be back in America, maybe on a beach just like this, Aomine next to him, toes in the sand, looking out on the ocean and dreaming of Japan. They’ll be on college teams, starting their lives, working their way to the NBA draft.

He looks up when Aomine doesn’t say anything, half wondering if he’d fallen asleep. He hasn’t. He’s still looking at the skyline.

“You okay? You got quiet.”

“Hm?” 

Kagami kicks his foot a little bit and Aomine’s eyes clear. He smiles and rolls him into the sand, and Kagami yelps, wrestling him back. 

He thinks of home, way out there across the water, and dreams of next summer. If they were in America, he'd cuddle Aomine on the shore. Just a little longer.

On a California beach, he'll be able to kiss him right here under the sun. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My outline for my new story is finally done, I can actually start writing it today!!! I actually was about to get started and then remembered it's Sunday. 😂 ~~it's a fantasy fairytale au //vibrates with excitement//~~
> 
> Again, sorry I'm slower updating this one, I've been putting off completing it and have been trying to buy myself more time.

“Kagami?” Aomine asks absently. “How did you know you were gay?”

Sometimes Kagami wants to tell him that even though he’s at peace with himself and is at peace with the fact that he is very, very gay, he wants to share with Aomine that he can see where he’s coming from about girls sometimes—

Girls are very cute, and Kagami still gets weird and awkward around them sometimes, still is mystified and embarrassed by cleavage. He gets why Aomine thinks boobs are so great, Kagami wouldn’t mind trying to touch one someday maybe. Kissing a girl looks like it could be fun— 

He thinks he could even be a good husband and father one day, thinks he could love a girl, if not for the fact of the intensity of what he feels for Aomine, the immediate and tangible tug in his gut caused by physical contact with Hitoshi, the static energy that raced through his whole body upon kissing a boy— the way he and Aomine had jerked off together in his living room— He knows he is really gay.

That scale he learned about in high school, maybe he’s about ten percent into girls, ninety into guys. A crude way of putting it, but there you go. 

And sometimes— sometimes he thinks that if he told Aomine that, he might be able to comfort him in some way. Let him know it’s not an all or nothing thing. That he doesn’t have to hang up the boob magazines and _be gay_ now.

He wonders if Aomine looks at it like that, like being with Kagami is the point of no return or something— and sometimes he thinks Aomine just needs someone to tell him it’s all gonna’ be okay.

“Did you know as a kid?” Aomine hummed, and Kagami’s not sure where this is coming from, this thoughtful and troubled look Aomine gets sometimes, quiet and almost pained, like he still isn’t at peace with his own self and is trying to understand, trying to find parallels within himself by comparing it to Kagami’s experience. Like Kagami’s the one and only example on how to be gay and he has to learn to follow it.

Kagami’s been kissed by Alex, but who could count that. He’s seen her topless, so he’s seen a boob in person. It didn’t exactly… _do_ anything for him other than get him really flustered. But that’s most likely because she was a mom to him, or at the least, a big sister.

It’s never really worn off though, the weird rush of excitement and embarrassment at seeing her wander around naked like it was no big deal. No matter how much older she is than he is, no matter how much she’s a sister to him, the blood rushes to his face every single time, whether it’s out of teenage modesty, or some tiny little spark of curiosity.

As a kid, when he’d been upset, when he’d cried, she would hug his ten-year-old head into her boobs and his hurts would be healed, his face squashed in her bosom. It had been an embarrassing thing to be kissed, would leave him put-out and sulky for the rest of the day, because at ten, it made him feel like he was being treated like a baby. But deep inside, it felt good, reminded him of his mother, except more slobbery— 

He didn’t realize right away as he got older why the other kids were jealous about it, but he figured out why eventually, around the same time every kid gets the awareness that puberty causes. The embarrassment changed. An adult woman isn’t supposed to kiss a teenage boy on the mouth, even if he’s her honorary son— a grown woman shouldn’t show her stomach or her bare legs or not wear a bra around teenage boys.

He keeps waiting for the day he’s going to see her with different eyes, when he’s going to see her in panties and not feel completely humiliated and annoyed, but feel… feel the way he does about a sweaty guy pouring a water bottle over his head, letting it soak into his t-shirt. He doesn’t think he wants that day to come.

He does think girls are cute and pretty. Feels spoony and stupid around the demure ones, so different from him, so small and so much more grown-up than he is, a mystery that maybe some part of him that’s still an elementary school boy wants to chase until he can land a kiss on her cheek. If things were different, he could see himself loving a girl someday, a far away time in the hazy distance of the future.

But as things stand, he knows life is going to take him into the arms of a basketball player. One way or another, he thinks that’s the end of the road for him.

Aomine’s waiting expectantly, and Kagami doesn’t say any of that. Doesn’t explain because there’s no point in explaining. It has nothing to do with what he’d asked. Aomine’s been acting strange since they’d crossed that line for the first time, started their sexual relationship, dipped their toes in— he’s been oddly distant. Kagami wonders if it’s nerves or something else. Maybe he’s processing it.  
  


“I knew in the lockers in seventh grade,” he sums up, figuring honesty is best. “There was a tenth grader there. So I knew.”   
  


Aomine’s silent for a long time, staring at the ceiling. It seems like it wasn’t the right answer, but Kagami doesn’t know what else he could have been looking for with that question.  
  


“Oh.”

. . .

“Kuroko,” Kagami says when they’re alone in the locker rooms. “I wanna’ talk to you about something.”   
  


Almost a year and a half ago now. It seems like such a long time, but he can remember feeling nervous for the first time in ages, about telling someone. He knows being in America had gotten him spoiled. He’s not sure how kids here will react to the news. He’d like to hope that Kuroko is close enough with him that it wouldn’t matter to him that he’s gay, but you always hope those kinds of things. 

“Yes, Kagami-kun?” 

Kuroko’s looking at him expectantly. Alright, just say it already. Here it goes.

“Look, uh…” Kagami inhales and tries again. “You know how, uh…” He shakes himself, grimacing, because this is harder than he thought it would be. “Look, there’s no easy way to say this, I guess, so I’m just gonna’  _ say _ it.” He glances at Kuroko, who’s still waiting in silence.

“...”

“I’m... into guys.”

“........”

His face doesn’t even twitch. Kagami doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. He raises his shoulders, then his eyebrows, and finally holds a hand out as if to say,  _ ‘well?’ _

“....?”

“Is this a confession?” Kuroko finally says, hesitantly, and Kagami doubletakes.

“What? No!” he shouts, scowling. “I’m coming out to you!”  _ Obviously!  _ Geez, and they say he’s the dumb one.

“So what’s your answer!” he blurts a little unsteadily, suddenly feeling uncertain again, because really, he shouldn’t have put it off this long and he desperately wants their friendship to continue. 

“My answer?” Kuroko blinks almost dazedly, slow and confused. 

“Yeah, y’know… what, what do you think?” Kagami mumbles, rubbing his neck in a show of vulnerability. 

“I think…” Kuroko seems to consider his words carefully, but Kagami’s starting to calm down, because he doesn’t look angry. Or grossed out. Or disappointed. 

“I think I’m surprised,” he says slowly, and finally lifts his eyes back to Kagami’s. “But not upset, if you’re feeling troubled.”

Kagami exhales. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath. “Oh. Good,” he breathes. He lasts two seconds before bursting, “Okay so—” Kuroko coughs into his fist, hiding a smile. “You know how I introduced you to Hitoshi?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I—” Kagami lets out another breath, head dropping as he smiles at his knees. “Met him a little while ago when I was out doing some shopping. We… we’re going out,” he shares proudly, shooting Kuroko a glance. He seems pleased for him.

“It’s not a big thing,” he rushes to say. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you.” He levels Kuroko with a more serious look, grateful and much older than he feels. “You’re one’a my best friends, so… Yeah. That’s why I brought this up.”

Kuroko nods.

“... He’s probably gonna’ be around more often, and I… yeah,” he finishes, realizing that he was rambling. Kuroko’s eyes crease happily.

“Congratulations, Kagami-kun.”

That feels so… so fucking good. He’s warm all over from it.

Kagami swipes under his nose, absolutely touched. “Thanks,” he mutters, and then clears his throat. “... Whew,” he expels, standing up straight, hands on his hips.

“Hm.”

“You’re the first person I’ve told over here. Wasn’t sure how that was gonna’ go,” Kagami confesses. He opens his mouth again as if to say something else but settles for clapping a hand onto Kuroko’s shoudler in thanks.

“Well in that case, I think you’re a very brave person.” Kagami snorts and tries to shrug it off. “And I’m glad we can trust each other.”

“...” Kagami looks into his friend’s face, still so much shorter and smaller than him. He grins when Kuroko holds out his fist.

“Yeah,” he agrees, smiling with his teeth, and meets his knuckles in a fist bump.

. . .   
  


After his confession to Kuroko, he doesn’t know why he doesn’t take the next logical step and tell Aomine too.

Maybe he told himself it wasn’t necessary. That it didn’t really matter and there was no point. There was no good way to bring it up. All the excuses he’d used to put off telling Kuroko as long as he had.

Maybe he was avoiding it because some small part of him was afraid that if he told Aomine he was gay, Aomine might start to scrutinize him, might find out the feelings he has for him. Maybe Kagami’s afraid he’ll be obvious. 

Because Aomine’s his next closest friend after Kuroko, but he’s not just a friend to him. Aomine’s someone he’s desperately loved for so, so long. It’s not the same. Coming out  _ will _ , in some ways, be a confession. 

Whatever it is, he puts it off too long, and when Aomine finds out on his own, it’s not at all like telling Kuroko. He doesn’t take it well.

Kagami’s always thought that his time in America had grown him a spine. He’d always thought that after those times he’d had, he couldn’t be brought that low again and that he’d always be prepared for rejection. Prepared to be knocked down.

He’s prepared for that because he’s already learned the most valuable lesson — that he can always get up and walk away.

“I saw you and your boyfriend. You’re fucking disgusting.”

What he’d never be prepared for was just how hard that really was. You can never prepare for that.

. . .

Aomine’s over again, and they spend the evening fooling around on Kagami’s couch.

Kagami loves kissing Aomine. Always has. The many months of it being a purely affectionate activity, it’s always warmed his heart. And now, a deeper layer, excitement, sexual passion, when Aomine kisses him hard like this, Kagami kisses back like he’s hungry. He doesn’t know how he went so many months kissing and keeping his excitement at bay, because now it feels like every time Aomine gives him a good one, he gets turned on just like that— 

“Whoa,” Kagami breathes. “You’re really…” he pauses when Aomine chases his lips, “— into it,” he gasps. Aomine doesn’t answer.

His movements are quick and almost rough, forcing his head onto Kagami’s with his eyes shut tight. His body is stiff and strained as he presses into his space, like he’s doing something he’s not supposed to and doesn’t want to be caught. Like he has to make himself go through with this, even if he wants it deep down— He seems nervous. Even though they’ve jerked off together a few times now, he doesn’t seem any more at ease with it than he did the first time.

They haven’t gone any further than what had happened on the floor last week.

It took like nine months for them to get to this point, and Kagami has to wonder if it’s going to be another nine months before they drag themselves forward another step. It’d be okay if it did. It’s the wondering that keeps Kagami awake at night, restless with thoughts. That excitement doesn’t seem to wear off.

Kagami’s happy as they are. More than happy. He’s content to keep playing tummy sticks even if they never get any further than that—  _ believe him, he is. _

But… he’s curious. Maybe that’s what it means when they say there’s no point trying to close the barn door once the horse is already loose, because letting any sort of sexual activity into their relationship seems to have greatly diminished Kagami’s ability to put those thoughts out of his mind and just be patient—    


Probably because now he knows how it feels, how awesome it was, and he wants more.

He’s curious. Now that they’ve made out and now that he’s heard what Aomine sounds like, now that Aomine’s gotten off right on top of him,  _ god,  _ now that he’s masturbated in front of Aomine, he can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop his mind wandering to  _ more—  _

He hasn’t gotten a glimpse of Aomine’s dick. The couple times they’ve done this now, working off some steam after some heavy kissing and after rubbing on each other a little too much, they kind of just sit together, legs around each other so that their laps are close together. They scoot up as close as possible, too close to see anything, and then they hang onto each other and rub it out— 

They haven’t touched  _ each other.  _ And they haven’t looked at each other, and that’s something Kagami thinks about a lot. Something he thinks about when he’s laying awake at night. 

He knows what Aomine looks like. Most of the instances he’d seen him nude had taken place before their relationship had started, and he doesn’t like to count those. But of course, there was also that time in the showers, not so long ago— 

There’s still a difference between seeing one’s boyfriend being obliviously and innocently nude, whether it got Kagami excited or not, and seeing what Aomine looks like when he’s hard. Seeing him naked— sexually.

He’s supposed to wait. He’s told himself a million times it’ll be better if he lets Aomine lead them and to just  _ wait _ till he initiates on his own, but he can’t help himself. 

He could always just ask.  _ ‘There’s nothing wrong with asking, is there?’  _ he thinks almost desperately.

Aomine always slows down if Kagami reciprocates too enthusiastically, but holding back is so hard. Kagami runs his hands along Aomine’s back, digs his fingers in along his scalp. He takes a handful of his hair and holds him still while he pulls back to kiss on his neck.

Aomine holds still, lets him manhandle him, seeming uncertain. “This okay?” Kagami breathes, voice husky as he breaks away from licking on Aomine’s ear a little, gently pulling it into his mouth and biting along the rim. He can see the goosebumps on Aomine’s neck, the scrunch of his brow as he shuts his eyes and shudders, lips parted.

Their cocks are touching. He can practically feel Aomine’s heartbeat in his groin through their sweats. Ah god.

“Yeah,” Aomine breathes back, whispering it in his ear like a shameful secret. Kagami clams up, swallowing hard. “Keep going,” he says, lashes flicking low for a long second before he meets Kagami’s eyes hesitantly. Just a moment before he kisses Kagami again, pressing his hips into Kagami’s.

Kagami groans aloud, rolling up to meet him. They rock into each other for friction, sighing and gasping. Once Aomine lets him go a little further, Kagami starts to push his luck. He’d been planning to let him set the pace, but he’s getting fired up.

Kagami sits up in a rush and they stare at each other panting for a fumbling second as Kagami takes his shirt off and grabs Aomine to him. He feels Aomine’s hands come to his bare back, molding to it, sliding along his spine. They kiss, Aomine’s mouth moving a little slower as Kagami slides his hands around, down—

Trembling with excitement, he put his palm over the bulge at Aomine’s groin. His mind is a quiet buzz of  _ wow _ —  _ Wow,  _ he’s touching his boyfriend’s erection for the first time. 

Aomine swallows, lips brushing his, and he seems really apprehensive. Kagami squeezes tentatively, cupping his erection and molding his hand to it, pressing on it some. Aomine lets out a slow breath and squirms, but his shoulders lower the more Kagami massages his dick in his grip, rubbing along it with his palm.

“Do you… know how to do it?” Aomine mumbles as Kagami kept close to him. He kisses as the side of Aomine’s mouth and breathes down his jaw, nipping at his collarbone. Aomine’s gripping onto his arms, very unsure, but seems to be trusting him for now.

“Some,” Kagami breathes. 

Aomine’s letting him. Oh god— he’s letting him— 

Kagami’s so turned on he thinks he’s going to pop a vessel in his brain, his heart’s working so hard it’s just going to give out. Aomine’s body is so warm and firm, his erection is so hot in his palm, the heat radiating through the fabric. Aomine’s breathing hitches when he squeezes, his forehead dropping to rest on Kagami’s shoulder.

“You wanna’ touch me too?” Kagami hears himself say, voice cracking. He sounds like he’s begging. 

“You don’t have to,” he says, when Aomine gives him this look like a scared animal. He kisses his cheek feverishly, working towards his ear and tugging on his cock through his pants. He groans aloud as he feels Aomine reluctantly reciprocate, his fingertips touching his aching erection, slow and hesitant at first. Kagami quivers with anticipation, practically gasping for breath.

His hand closes around it, long fingers pressing in, a sweet pressure Kagami’s been starving for. He can’t hold in his sigh of relief, moaning it right into Aomine’s ear. Aomine makes a choked noise, swallowing unsteadily, feeling around. Holy god, the rush of blood to the head Kagami gets is powerful enough to make him swoon for a second— Aomine’s handling his dick—

“We… we can stop,” he manages, even though he’s so turned on that he’s about ready to hump Aomine’s leg.

A little ticked, Aomine grabs the front of Kagami’s sweats tight and Kagami doesn’t breathe, cock twitching in Aomine’s grip at the sound of his gravelly voice and at the sight of his smirk, the playful lash of teeth.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” he hums, a little nervous hitch at the end, eyes a little shy. 

Kagami laughs breathlessly.

“So uh,” he says with a grin, “You wanna’ go first or—” Aomine takes his chin and kisses and kisses him until his eyes are fluttering and he feels the heat go to his head. Blood rushes to his groin in a tidal wave of excitement as Aomine fumbles sightlessly at his waistband, sliding his fingertips in like slotting a playing card into the box.

Kagami exhales heavily, nipping behind Aomine’s ear as his dark head drops to his shoulder. His hand’s going in— 

As Aomine’s hand makes a space beneath the elastic band of his underwear, his cock eagerly jumps up to meet Aomine’s palm, and Aomine hesitates to close his grip around it. Kagami lets out a slow shaky breath. Aomine’s touching his dick for the very first time— 

“Ooh,” he stutters out, relaxing momentarily when Aomine lets go and shifts back, peeking down between them, holding Kagami’s pants open with a couple fingers and peering in. And then he just stays like that for a few long seconds.

Kagami suddenly felt very flustered, sitting back on his palms and looking to Aomine’s face for a reaction. Looks down to see what he can be looking at, back up— Heat goes to his face as he realizes just how nervous he is too underneath all the adrenaline. Aomine’s not… saying anything. He’s just staring.

Not the reaction Kagami would’ve hoped for, exposing himself for his boyfriend for the first time.

“....” Aomine’s squinting at it slightly. What does that mean? 

Overcome with self-consciousness, Kagami squirms. Is… is it weird? Is it ugly or something?

“Well?” Kagami prompted at last, equal parts annoyed and anxious.

“........ Huh,” he notes, slack-jawed.

“What.” Kagami pushes his lip out. 

Aomine looks for a couple more moments, and finally blinks, eyebrows raised, and says, “I thought maybe they cut your dick.”

Kagami stares at him. “Aomine, I was born here.” Aomine snorts, and Kagami smiles a little, rosy-cheeked.

It serves to break the tension. Kagami doesn’t feel nervous after that.

. . .

The rest of that weekend is great. The two of them go down to the park to shoot some hoops, spending the whole afternoon there. When they take a break to eat, they wander the park and then lay in the grass under a tree in some shade. 

Aomine yawns and seems ready for a nap, resting on his back with his arms behind his head, eyes shut. Kagami smirks. So naive.

“Kagami?”

“Uh-huh?”

Aomine opens one eye and Kagami gets the glorious view of Aomine’s face screwing up in panic just before he leaps and tackles him. The surprised squawking noise that blurts out of Aomine’s chest dissolves Kagami into hysterics.

“Kagami!” he hollers, cheeks hot with embarrassment and fury as he punches at Kagami’s shoulders and chest, thrashing in his grip. “No!”

“Huh? No what?” he laughs as Aomine tries to shove him with his foot.

“I mean it, you little shit, I’m not in the— Hey!”

He hefts Aomine up and drags him around, and Aomine gives up on trying to look unamused, relenting and running around with him. They scream and yell and pull hair, going tumbling through the grass and wrestling like wild men. Aomine starts tickling him, and Kagami laughs and rips up grass as he tries to claw his way out. 

They roll and shove and grapple with each other, screwing around and trying to pin the other. When they come to a rest under a tree by their abandoned bag, Aomine’s on his back. He’s grinning, head to the side, eye flinched shut, hands out to shove Kagami back, shoulders hunched up to protect his neck. He’s holding him back with his knee planted in Kagami’s gut, but Kagami’s got one of his arms down.

Kagami can’t contain the happiness he feels, roughhousing with him, laughing and playing like nothing matters. He holds Aomine’s head in his hands, caging it, and presses a firm kiss into his face, sinking his nose into the soft curve of his cheek. Aomine grins, eyes squinting shut, and lets Kagami settle into his arms for a second.

He gets a foot in Kagami’s gut and shoves, forcing him to somersault over Aomine’s head, laying him out flat— Kagami gets the breath knocked out of him and smiles at the open sky.

"Too naive!" Aomine cackles.   
  


Fuck, he loves this guy— Damn, what a feeling.

  
  


. . .

Hitoshi’s texted again, in the early hours of the morning.

Aomine’s still asleep, laying next to him, arm outstretched, a cushion for Kagami’s head. His face uncreases in sleep, lips parted, short hair ruffled like the down of a baby bird. Kagami sits up on the edge of the bed, staring down at his phone, his back and side feeling cool as the warmth of their embrace escapes through his thin t-shirt.

Aomine smiles in his sleep sometimes when Kagami runs his fingers on his face, a muscle in his cheek clenching and showing a dimple.

He swallows and deletes the text.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK, i put the wrong chapters in the wrong fics, im so sorry. that's what I get for updating two chapter sevens at the same time. god dAMNIT. anyway that's why you got double email notifs, sorry guys. i had to re-edit them ;;-;;
> 
> Also, i really should have forced myself to finish both sequels before starting to post this one bc i've totally lost steam on the aomine sequel. I've got like the first paragraph done and the rest is just outline. I'll have to make myself finish it bc there's some really good scenes in there. Particularly there's some scenes that do show up in the kagami one but are fleshed out longer in the Aomine one. For instance, the 'oh, you're uncircumsized, thank goodness' scene-- yeah, that keeps going in the aomine piece. Same with the dicksucking in this one, there's a lot more dialogue in the other one. ~~mabye i can just bang it out and then post it raw even if its crap, at least it'll be done and we can move on~~
> 
> //shakes fist// ONE DAY  
> 

Kagami’s having a great day. Aomine — _Aomine —_ initiated, get this, dicksucking— 

He can’t say he hasn’t been thinking about it himself for a while now. It seemed like the next logical step after starting to get used to jerking each other off. Kagami’s been wanting to try sucking Aomine off, and hasn’t known how to raise the subject.

He figures Aomine will probably be more interested if he brings it up with the suggestion that he go first, not to mention the thought of doing that to him gets Kagami hot all over— Like, Kagami was going to do it to _him._ He was going to let Aomine go first, and here Aomine goes and catches him completely off guard all on his own.

He’s visibly a wreck, sure, sweating all over and looking like he’s stuck his finger in a socket, but he doesn’t back out, and Kagami thinks the reason it gets as far as it does is because he’s so blown away and surprised and fucking _dumbstruck_ that he doesn’t even think to tell Aomine it’s okay you don’t have to, until he’s basically already— 

“Oh god,” Kagami breathes out, hands hovering uncertainty as Aomine’s head settles between his legs, hands pulling his cock out of his pants. He can feel Aomine’s wet breath hit his bare skin and has a frantic insecure moment to think, _I haven’t showered yet today, do I stink? Does… does_ it _stink? Fuck, I should’ve used baby powder before he came over—_

But Aomine doesn't say anything about his sweaty balls and nervously licks his lips, jerking Kagami’s cock a couple times. He hadn’t realized the visual would do so much for him; the image alone makes him tremble all over. Kagami bites his lips together and moans into the seal. He closes his eyes, afraid that he might blow too fast, he doesn’t want it to be over— 

_‘Is he really going to—’_

Aomine licks the head, tongue out, and Kagami covers part of his face. He knows he must be bright red right down to his neck.

“O-ohh,” he moans out. “Ahh.”

It feels like heaven. Aomine puts the sensitive head in his mouth and carefully sucks on it, his tongue undulating along the bottom as he swallows. It’s so— 

Hitoshi never did this to him. Kagami’s never recieved a blowjob before. Is this a dream? No, no— even his dirtier dreams, he hasn’t thought about this, not in this detail.

Aomine’s sucking his cock, wow… Fuck, it feels amazing. Kagami puts a hand down to pet on his hair, letting his head fall back onto the back of the couch. 

When he goes, Kagami looks down at him in a daze, and Aomine stares at him looking just as surprised. His cheeks are flushed and his mouth is wet, eyes wide open, hair a ruffled mess.

_‘God, I just love this guy—’_

. . .

“How much farther?” Kagami pants, slapping a branch away from his face.

“Alright, alright,” Aomine brushes off. Kagami scowls. He’s having way too much fun with this.

“Daiki, it’s fucking _hot—”_

“Aaand, we’re here!” Kagami stomps up the last couple feet and stands at Aomine’s side, staring over the water. It’s the same riverbank that they’ve gone swimming at before two summers ago, but they’ve come out of the woods at a different spot, and the view he’s normally used to, he’s seeing it from a different perspective.

“Wow. I never knew this was here.” 

The water is blue green and laps at the shore of soft mud, lined with reeds. Aomine’s standing at the edge up to his ankles, wearing a white tank top, a hat, and ragged grey jeans that are rolled to mid-calf, a bug box around his neck.

There’s an old wooden bench staked into the shore, washed out with time, the water lapping around the support beams. Aomine puts the bucket he’s been carrying there, a big industrial barrel with a handle.

They get in the water and pass an hour or so swimming and exploring the banks. It’s like last summer in late August when they’d just started dating, nervous and new, Aomine smiling excitedly and squatting at the riverbank, catching crayfish in a bucket with him, showing him how to scoop them in. He’d seemed pleased to death that Kagami was having a good time, and plucked a crayfish off his finger when it pinched and then dangled there. That trip had seemed monumentally important to Aomine. His excitement and affection for him had felt like something he could physically sense. His joy lifted Kagami up. It's a precious memory.

The water is still cold this early in the season, raising goosebumps on his arms and making his balls contract up against his abdomen. Kagami still gets a little squeamish when he touches his feet into the mud, afraid he’ll feel something sharp scuttle over his toes. Mud feels so much different than the California sand. But soon, he’ll be back there on the beach, swimming with Aomine— 

When they tire of swimming and sit on the bank with the bucket, they watch the skyline for a time.

Aomine’s sitting on the riverbank, butt in the mud, water lapping at his sides. He’s looking out over the water and chewing a piece of grass. The sun makes his skin look like red clay, or bronze, the way he sits reminds Kagami of an art sculpture. 

He’s gorgeous. His lazy body glows in the late light, and the way it looks against the backdrop of the water, slices of blue and white and pale gold, he’s perfect like that. 

Kagami’s sure he'll remember him like that until he’s an old man.

. . .

Kagami doesn’t think too much about the night Hitoshi hurt him, usually deflects the memories and avoids them. He’s good at it. But he does dream about it from time to time, and then in the moments after waking, when he’s vulnerable and unguarded, the thoughts return.

His guilty memories come back in an unbidden rush, especially when he wakes up beside Aomine. The twist of shame when he’d realized Aomine had seen Hitoshi groping him in the kitchen, a feeling of panic and not knowing what to say, oh god, he’d seen— 

And worse, one of many nights when Hitoshi had come over to make out on his couch and then gotten Kagami to suck his dick, the horrible realization when he lay awake while Hitoshi slept that night, he was supposed to meet Aomine today— 

That night by the pool, he’d finally admitted to himself that he hadn’t been happy for what feels like forever. Weighed down by regret and guilt, as though he’d tried to contain himself, curl up and fit himself into a tiny box. Couldn’t be himself. Couldn’t be honest.

And what comes the most is remembering what it was like to feel… not dirty, exactly, but… He doesn’t know how to describe it. After their relationship had started to change and they’d begun to argue and struggle, kissing and touching, something that had used to excite him and make him happy, it changed. The sick belly, the unease that lingered afterwards, it was so hard to explain, even to himself. Beer on his tongue. Cum sitting in his stomach. An argument that they’d made up from with a makeout, which still felt sour and unresolved, at least to him.

He’d always felt pressured to drink when Hitoshi was drinking, unable to get rid of the feeling that Hitoshi would think he’s a stick in the mud if he refused. It’s not that he’s totally against the idea of drinking underage, but he’s wary. Not necessarily because he thinks it’s wrong or makes you a bad person, but because… Well, Hitoshi has a tendency to go too far, and he changes when he’s drunk.

Sitting outside Akashi’s party with his heart breaking, feeling humiliated and crushed by the hurtful things his boyfriend had spat at him. He can remember the way his throat had tightened up, feeling so incredibly hurt and so _embarrassed,_ not knowing what else to do but retreat, go outside to find a place to hide so he could be alone to cry— 

Aomine sitting beside him next to the swimming pool under the moon, sharing some words of comfort. Aomine gazing into his face, so quiet and calm, with these oddly soulful eyes. Almost longingly.

And for a moment, it seems like he’s leaning in towards him ever so minutely, his lips parting, and Kagami’s heart starts to beat a million miles a minute, swelling up in his throat, _hoping that maybe_ — 

He doesn’t like thinking about what came afterwards. So he doesn’t.

. . .

“What’s Kuroko doing next year?”

“What do you mean?” Aomine looks up from his food. There’s rice on his lip and one of his cheeks is bulging out as he roots around in his bowl with his chopsticks. Kagami can’t help but snort at him like that. Aomine smirks back with his cutely uneven teeth and plays some footsie with him, affectionately nudging his leg and idly tugging on it between his two feet.

“I mean like, college, work?” Kagami clarifies, shifting on the cushioned seat of the diner booth bench. He moves some of his empty plates to the side of the table and tugs his others towards him. “Have you guys talked about that at all?”

“Not really.” Aomine reaches out and picks off his plate to try a bite of something he didn’t order himself. Kagami would put up a token complaint, but he’s feeling sappy today and just squirms. Aomine looks obnoxiously pleased about the allowance, eyes twinkling, so he bites his tongue.

“I know he’s probably not going pro.” Aomine seems to like what he grabbed. And because Kagami’s feeling generous— how can he not with Aomine looking so godawful cute and being so damn sweet — he carefully picks an especially big and tasty looking prawn off his plate and holds it out in his chopsticks towards him, because that’s the kind of loving boyfriend he is and it’s a sacrifice he’ll make for love. Just this once.

“Not like me and y—”

“Yeah, we all know you’re going pro, Kagami,” Aomine interrupts, snorting derisively, and then he leans over the table towards where Kagami is offering out his best shrimp. He takes the bite into his mouth, carefully closing his teeth around it, letting Kagami feed him.

He winks and grins, and Kagami thinks little puffs of steam must be bursting out of his ears. Aomine licks his lips and takes another prawn from his plate with his fingers. Kagami tugs on his collar.  
  
“Puh,” he huffs, squirming his mouth and nose to play off how easily charmed he is by Aomine so much as smiling at him, even at this late date— 

“My mom’s been on me about school,” Aomine notes, chewing and looking content with his lot. He took off his hoodie when he came in, the evening summer air too muggy to be tolerated. Kagami loves when Aomine wears that t-shirt with the star on it. 

“Next year is stressing her out.”

Aomine brings up his mom a lot. He’d never actually talked about his family until recently. For all that they’d hung out together all the time once they’d become friends, Aomine had never so much as mentioned his family until they’d started going out. Aomine’s really opened up to him since then.

It figures he’s an only child like Kagami. _‘It’s the only thing that makes sense, what with how spoiled he is,’_ Kagami thinks fondly. _‘The only one who can be my sibling is me— Pff.’_

The way Satsuki’s made it sound, they absolutely dote on him. Kagami can definitely imagine that, considering the way he acts. He definitely strikes him as the kind of kid who has always been very well cared for.

It’s just as well— Aomine seems to really love his parents. 

“I know, right?” Kagami hums. Aomine’s sitting back now, knees spread and pants tugged low to accomodate his full gut. He’s sitting patiently and watching Kagami eat. “I can’t wait to be back in California. It’s awesome in the summertime. Crowded, but we’re used to that,” Kagami shoots him a grin. He’s been looking forward to showing Aomine his favorite spots. He’s going to love the palm trees.

“It’s not like here at all. The city’s a lot less organized, and not as safe, but…” Kagami pauses to take a bite, and lovingly lets his foot bounce back and forth against Aomine’s. “I can’t help but love it. There’s nothing like America.” 

Aomine’s quiet. 

He’s looking out the window, sleepy and dull-eyed. Kagami eats in silence for a while and gets to thinking about home — well, _America._

 _‘If we were in America right now,’_ he thinks, _‘there would be prom.’_

He looks across the table at Aomine while he chews, and thoughtfully ponders what could have never been. Aomine in a suit. Not like his school uniform, but a dress-suit. All buttoned up, hair combed. Matching corsages. Slow dancing to Green Day in the high school gym. 

Aomine meets his eyes and Kagami’s dart down, a sudden bittersweet pang striking his heart.

This is better. Kagami swallows.

Well anyway, soon it’ll be different.

. . .

“Why’re we just waiting around here. Let’s shop already.”

“You know why. He says he’s like five minutes out, so just be patient,” Kagami says, leaning this way and that, peering above the mass of dark heads speckling the sidewalk as it stretches into the distance in front of them. He and Aomine stand outside the station exit and wait for his brother to show up.

“Mm,” Aomine grunts, belligerent and put-out. They’ve already been through this on the way here and in the train again. Kagami ignores him and keeps a look out down the busy street. Tatsuya always did blend in with the crowd in Japan. 

“I don’t see why he has to come in the first place. Why can’t we just shop on our own.”

“Uh, because?” Kagami shoots back sarcastically. “I haven’t seen him in a while. So suck it up.” Aomine makes some nondescript grumbling noises, shifting at his side. He probably wanted him to himself for the weekend.

“Why do you even care anyways, you only ever want to go shoe-shopping with Satsuki.” Aomine shoves his lip out and gets all butthurt, and okay, maybe Kagami was fishing for a compliment, but how can he resist.

“Maybe I wanted to go shoe-shopping with you for once.” Aomine’s quiet for a second. Then Kagami feels a nudge to his leg, Aomine’s toe pressing into his calf. “Y’know. _Alone—”_

“Yeah, yeah. Try not to be a total ass today.”

“I don’t deserve this treatment,” Aomine sulks, looking wounded. “Are you still mad about the mentos? That was forever ago now, I haven’t done anything like, all day today.”

“Okay, true. Fine.” A long brown finger hooks into his belt loop. Kagami can’t describe the joy he gets from that simple act of affection, Aomine linking them together like that, as if he doesn’t want to get lost from him in the crowd.

“But if he starts it—”

Kagami gives him a look. Aomine smirks a little bit, the corner of his mouth lifting.

“Just kidding babe.”

Aomine’s been tentatively throwing that name out there once in a while now and Kagami still never fails to get all stupid over it. Maybe he was unfair to tease him about getting weird over being called ‘Daiki,’ because he definitely gets it now.

Aomine smirks for real that time, showing his teeth, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Aw, shut up, you,” Kagami snorts, and then raises a hand to get his brother’s attention. 

“Tatsuya!”

Aomine hangs around obediently, hands in pockets, following while they shop. Kagami’s had a couple outings now where he’s tentatively tried to get Tatsuya and Aomine to at least be in the same place at the same time. They seem to get along, but Aomine’s never been very social with him. Which is fine. He tolerates Tatsuya, and in a much less hostile and begrudging way that he’d _tolerated_ Hitoshi. For all Aomine’s complaining earlier, he seems content to trail at their heels and windowshop while they chatter back and forth.

Of course, Aomine never joining the conversation might come down to the fact that he and Tatsuya keep switching to English on accident.

For Tatsuya’s part, he’s been moderately polite to Aomine’s face, probably for Kagami’s sake, but it’s always been hard to know what he’s thinking. He knows that Aomine has kind of a bad reputation— in the basketball world and otherwise, for that absolute disaster of a fight they’d had last year. Now that they’ve been dating for this long though, it’s different. Kagami can’t help but be anxious for Tatsuya to... _approve._ Especially after last time. Tatsuya had never liked Hitoshi.

They end in Aomine’s favorite shoe outlet. The minute they’re through the door, his boyfriend is gone. Kagami exchanges a look with Tatsuya and snorts at the sight of Aomine’s dark head towards the back of the store, visible from over the tops of the shelves.

“Passable,” Tatsuya says, towards the end of the afternoon when they’re all shopped out and about ready to head home. 

Kagami fistpumps and Tatsuya snorts. Aomine looks up from an aisle over, surrounded in what looks like a fort of shoeboxes. He’s got the re-release of the Air Jordan IV on his feet and is halfway thumbing through the bills in his wallet.

“Barely,” Tatsuya amends begrudgingly. Kagami grins.

“I’ll take it.”

. . .

Hitoshi keeps messaging him. No matter how many times he’s tried to block him, he finds a way around it. Leaves DMs, texts, phone calls. Kagami’s even considered changing his number, but he feels like that would be letting him win, in some way. Admitting that it bothered him.

He doesn’t tell Aomine about it. Not to make a secret out of it, exactly. Not to _lie,_ but he doesn’t want to upset or worry him. And maybe he keeps it to himself because he doesn’t want to cause problems. He doesn’t want to make a thing of it. They were moving on from the whole thing and he doesn’t want to drag it up again. Hitoshi doesn't deserve the satisfaction of still being able to fuck things up for him. 

Besides. It’s not that big a deal. He can handle it on his own.

. . .

“Aaah, I wanna’ play basketball,” Kagami groans when he breaks from a kiss.

“Again?” Hitoshi sighs.

Kagami sheepishly rubs the back of his head. “It’s nice out,” he defends. “Besides. I can’t slack. I’ve gotta’ train so I can get on a team in college—” Hitoshi leans in to try and get them kissing again but Kagami avoids. “Then I can be drafted.”

“Yeah,” Hitoshi muses, playing with his hand. Kagami looks down and watches him, a big tanned palm with wide-set knuckles and short nails fiddling with his own. A lot of times Kagami’s felt too big for things, especially in Japan, but Hitoshi’s always been just his size. “But what about your back up plan.”

“... What do you mean?” He looks into Hitoshi’s face to see him rolling his eyes.

“Taiga,” he says, patronizing as if he were talking to a child who wanted to be a pirate when he grew up. “People don’t actually _get in_ to the NBA.”

“It’s called draft night. That’s when you— ”

“Yeah, I know what it’s called.” He sounds annoyed.

Kagami frowns. “I know it’s going to be hard, but—”

“I mean, you’re good, yeah, but.” Hitoshi shrugs. Kagami closes his mouth, shoulders dropping. “Don’t ride all your hopes on it. It’s basically impossible.”

Hitoshi’s smiling, but Kagami wrinkles his nose, unwilling to let the matter drop. “What, so I should give up before even trying?”

“I’m just saying be realistic.”

“It’s my dream,” he says hesitantly. “To dunk in the NBA.”

He knows he’ll have to work for it. He never thought that it would be easy. He doesn’t think it’ll come true on its own. He had only hoped that Hitoshi would have been supportive of that dream. 

“If you say so,” Hitoshi waves off, and Kagami can’t help but feel deeply dissatisfied and frustrated, opening his mouth to keep harping on it—

“You do look pretty cool when you dunk,” Hitoshi admits, grinning, and the wind leaves Kagami’s sails as it always does.

“I can teach you how,” Kagami offers.

Hitoshi laughs.

. . .

Kagami wakes up to another couple phone-calls, set to go straight to the answering machine. There’s some texts too.

Sometimes he wishes he had somebody to talk to about it. He wonders what Aomine would say if he knew, but Kagami knows that’s not an option.

As happy as Aomine is to be with him, he has his own issues to deal with and even at this late date, Aomine is hesitant about their relationship being a spectacle. Maybe that’s why Kagami has tried so hard to shield him from the gossip. Maybe it’s why he wants so much for Aomine to just not know about what’s happening. It’s better for Aomine to think of Hitoshi as Kagami’s ex, never to bother them again. 

But to Kagami, Hitoshi is a complicated person. A source of despair and humiliation, and yet, all these memories of them, the excitement and happiness that he had experienced, his first relationship— 

After all, he hadn’t used Hitoshi as some replacement for Aomine. At least, not _only_ that. He may have been a tool to help Kagami move on, but the feelings he’d felt for Hitoshi were real. He’d liked the guy, and what had happened between them had left scars. Scars not easily mended, even by Aomine’s love. 

Worse than scars was the sense of wondering. Maybe at the end of it all, that’s what he can’t let go. His questions, this small betrayed stupid part of him that wants to know why— what did I do so wrong— why did it turn out like this— 

_What do you want? What could you possibly want from me now?_

Months ago, you couldn’t have paid him to see Hitoshi’s face again. But it’s been a long time, and the anger has cooled and the hurt remains, an ache that won’t be forgotten, even if he spends days at a time without it crossing his mind.

All that’s left is a sense of regret. What would Kagami say to him, if he had another day with him? He isn’t sure anymore. Regrets. The thing he can't bear. The one thing that remains even after walking away.

As he looks down at those texts, Kagami thinks that just maybe… maybe he _should_ go see him. Just to see what he wants. Just to put it to rest for good.

And besides. One last time to say goodbye can’t hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

Kagami wakes up and stares at the ceiling. He lets out a long slow breath and puts his arm over his eyes. 

Another dream.

. . .

“I want barbecue for dinner,” Aomine hums, hopping slightly as he removes his shoes while they enter Kagami’s doorway, shutting themselves into his apartment, escaping the chill and the patter of rain on the stairwell outside.

“No way, the rain’s picking up,” Kagami refuses, slipping his shoes off and putting the shopping on the counter before he returned to take his coat off. Aomine’s taking off his jacket. His hair and shirt look damp, but don’t glisten. They made it inside in time, but they could still do with warm baths, probably.

Their date had gotten cut short when the sky had started to look grey and the air had started to touch pinpricks of water, so small that they might be missed, along their arms and faces. Aomine’s been frisky all afternoon and Kagami’s feeling like a shaken up Coca Cola— 

“So get out there and cook for me. I want some kabobs, Taiga.”

The balcony is already soaked and the grill looks pitiful out there with his drowned houseplants. They both look over at a well-timed flash of lightning, and then thunder cracks just as the rattling sound of the rain on the roof turns into a rush of white noise.

Aomine lifts an eyebrow. Kagami scoffs, tapping some fish food in for Cheep-cheep.

“Tough shit, I’m not going out there.”

“You’d better get to it, it’s almost dinner time.” Kagami sets his jaw, looking back at Aomine. He might be his boyfriend, but that doesn’t stop him being aggravated at the sight of him peeling his socks off and just leaving them where they drop. He gives him the evil eye as he lopes over to the couch and tosses himself over it. Black t-shirt, black sweats. Bare feet and bare arms. Infuriatingly handsome grin.

Kagami flutters an eyelid and glares.

“Your face’ll stick like that.” Aomine puts his arms behind his head, biceps tensing. “My mom said. And Satsuki.”

“What, you’re gonna’ just sit there all comfortable while I get soaked?” He puts his hands on his hips and gives him another look, and when he just gets a cheeky smirk, he huffs and goes to rifle through his shopping bags.

“You can keep the t-shirt on if you want.” He can hear Aomine’s mirth. 

“Sounds like you want an asskicking,” Kagami warns.

“If it’s you, maybe.” Kagami startles, head whipping around. He didn’t hear him stand up, but his voice came from right behind him. Taken aback, Kagami just stares, open-mouthed.

Aomine had just swatted him on the side of his butt, more on the hip really, not quite daring enough to really go all in— and he looks so surprised with _himself,_ like he can't believe he'd actually dared to do that, that Kagami can’t even get ill at him about it.

They stare at each other for a minute, wide-eyed, and Aomine gulps loudly, then darts a hand out again. Kagami takes a stubborn step back, scowling, and Aomine grins playfully, looking shaky on his feet but thrilled to his toes. Aomine jumps forward a step, like he’s going to give chase, and Kagami can’t help the smile that twists his lip. He doesn’t run, standing there waiting for him.

“Heh,” Aomine laughs, and nabs him around the waist, sharply pulling them together. His hip bones dig into Kagami’s abdomen, and he can feel long toes resting on top of his feet. “C’mon, isn’t it your job to spoil me?”

“You fucking brat,” Kagami mutters as Aomine’s smiling lips meet his.

Fingers curl into his hair, cup the back of his head and tug at his scalp, pressing him into Aomine’s kiss. Kagami’s hands hold Aomine’s hips to steady them, gripping on. There’s breath on his cheek as Aomine tilts his head, nose brushing his. A choked groan echoes in his throat as Aomine kisses him deep, nipping at his tongue and lower lip. Heat shoots through him instantly.

“Ah,” Kagami gasps aloud when they part, saliva connecting them for a moment.

“Just kidding, babe. I’ll be good,” Aomine breathes, grinning teasingly, eyes warm and mischievous, and there’s the Mentos in the bottle— 

Kagami grabs him by both sides of his head, kissing him so hard that Aomine grunts and has to take a few stumbling steps backwards until he hits the door, stumbling on the step down into the genkan. 

So he wants to be spoiled, huh? Well Kagami’s been waiting— 

He fumbles blindly for Aomine’s wrists and snaps them to the wall and grinds his hips into him hard, and then tries to stay standing through the wave of heat rushing to his head. It seems to excite Aomine so much that he stiffens up and even makes this choked whimpering noise. Kagami can feel him get completely hard in three heartbeats.

There’s a helpless surprise on Aomine’s stricken face as Kagami gets on the ground in front of him, like he hadn't actually expected to get this far. Kagami drags his hands down his body as he goes, not at all as smooth as he was trying to be, not as practiced as the models Aomine has no doubt gotten accustomed to in his magazines and AV tapes, but perhaps they were matched in that way, Kagami’s clumsy confidence and rudimentary experience slotting perfectly with Aomine’s fantasies and complete lack of practical experience— 

Look at him. If Kagami’s an amateur, Aomine sure as hell doesn’t know the difference. He’s looking down at Kagami like he hardly dares believe that Kagami’s about to do what he thinks is happening—

Kagami has Aomine in the palm of his hands, melted into a quivering puddle. He seems so vulnerable like this, and Kagami’s got goosebumps all over, charged with anticipation. Kneeling at his feet, looking up at him, what a feeling— 

“K-Kagami?” Aomine stutters out. He keeps his eyes on Aomine’s startled crystal blues, dark and quivering as he opens his mouth and slowly leans in, pressing his head into his groin.

He rubs his face into his crotch, nestling it there. His eyes flutter shut involuntarily as he smothers himself in the warmth, filling his lungs with the sweaty masculine smell, the musk of an erection held close to one’s body all day in the trapped heat.

He felt woozy almost, can feel his heartbeat pounding between his ears. Is he really going to do this, he’s wanted to for what felt like forever, is Aomine going to let him, shit he’s got his face up next to his dick, can feel it on his cheek, on his mouth— fuck, Kagami’s so hard he hurts— 

“Hmmm,” Kagami groans, taking care to close his fists in Aomine’s pant legs one at a time and then pulls his sweats down.

He’s let Aomine’s hands go, but they stay there pinned to the wall anyways, motionless even when Kagami tentatively inserts his fingers under the waistband of his underwear, testing the elastic. Aomine doesn’t stop him, throat bobbing. His forehead is shiny with cold sweat, and Kagami watches as his pink tongue darts out to dampen his dry lips.

Kagami holds his eyes for a second, snaking his fingers from the sides to the front, the elastic pinning his fingertips against Aomine’s hard abdomen. He can feel his nails trace a coarse bit of hair.

He hears Aomine swallow, wet and gasping. Kagami tugs his underwear down an inch, hot under the collar and with clammy hands, and then another, until Aomine’s cock bounces out, heavy and hard.

Aomine swallows again, one hand coming up unsteadily for a second, curling into a weak fist as he looks away, at the ceiling, towards the kitchen, away from Kagami. 

Kagami grips Aomine’s dick near the base. It’s hot and it sticks to his palm, damp with sweat, and then directs it to his mouth. He licks the exposed head, shaky breath puffing out from between his teeth. He relishes the choked noise he hears escape Aomine’s chest, tight, almost strained as if from suffering. He looks up at him, mouth open, tongue rolling along the underside, so turned on that he’s shameless about its. Aomine’s eyes dart down to his, brows scrunched together.

Kagami watches as Aomine’s face bursts into a dusky rose color, flushed and pinched with mortification and fascination, half concealed as he presses the back of his hand over his mouth.

The thrill of humiliation at having a captive and almost entranced audience just turns Kagami on even more. He feeds Aomine’s cock into his waiting mouth, tongue out, and closes around it, sucking him down with an inelegant hunger— 

A sharp inhale from above him penetrates his consciousness. He can hear Aomine’s toes curling on the floor beneath him, feels his knees wobble when they jostle against Kagami’s chest— 

Aomine’s hands are in his hair, fumbling at his head, his damp palms sticking to the strands, making his scalp prickle. Kagami bobs his head, groaning as his hair is gripped by the roots. Aomine holds his head and juts his hips out just a tiny bit, thrusting about half a centimeter at a time, probably doesn’t even know he’s doing it— 

Kagami groans out his nose again, sucking Aomine’s cock in and out, straining his neck to get a better angle. He swallows around the excess saliva, it sounds wet and slurpy and way too loud as he pulls back for a second and then sinks back down on his dick. Oh god, listen to him choking, humming deep in his throat, moaning with it in his mouth. 

He palms himself. Shit, he hadn’t thought it would turn him on this much.

Aomine’s leaning back heavily against the wall, shaking and gasping and squirming like it’s not going to be long now, and Kagami felt ablaze with excitement, dazed and winded, mouth and throat starving for it— 

He wrings Aomine out with his hand, jerking him off into his mouth. Aomine’s grip on his head is tight and shaking, his entire body coiling up, lean and long and strained to burst.

Kagami pulls off to gasp and pant for a second, gagging, and then goes down again eagerly, sucking him about halfway in each time, squeezing the bottom with his hand.

“Kagami,” he speaks, a muffled moan, higher than his usual voice, almost a question.

Kagami groans in response, hand between his legs, jerking himself in his sweats. Aomine lets out a quick panicked breath and shoves at his forehead. Kagami takes both of his hips, looks up at him, his gritted teeth and his eyes, alarmed, pleading, helpless— 

Kagami hollows his cheeks and sucks, and Aomine crumples. He bites his lips and after a pitiful choked noise, he climaxes, quiet and breathless, holding the sides of Kagami’s head. Kagami tastes the rush of cum, familiar and bitter, flooding his mouth in quick hot jets. Aomine’s hips thrust weakly, sliding him in and out of Kagami’s mouth, the minute uncontrolled motions jabbing at his gag reflex. Being held still like that, powerless in his mindless grip, it excites him, and Kagami masturbates into his underwear quick and hard, frantic puffs of breath escaping his nose.

Aomine holds him there for a long time, shaking all over, and then the tension seeps out of him all at once and he carefully releases his hair, holding still as Kagami pulls away, slow and gentle on Aomine’s tender and sensitive cock, twitching and wet.

Aomine stares down at him, face flushed, blinking dazedly. He’s quiet, blown away enough that he forgot to feel ashamed— Kagami feels the same way, staring up at him with a soaked chin and neck, lips wet with the cum he couldn’t swallow.

“That… that was…” Breathing heavily, Aomine pauses to try to swallow. Kagami wipes his chin. Shit, he came in his pants, it’s already cooling, wet fabric hugging his cock to his belly, rubbed raw.

He wonders if Aomine’s going to kiss him— after he’s had a mouthful of cum.

He does. 

He collapses into him. Aomine’s hands, slightly damp and clammy, cup his face, his cheeks, clumsily petting his bangs back from his forehead as he moves to kiss him. His mouth slides along Aomine’s, slick with his own saliva, but Aomine doesn’t slip out of place, as clumsy and wobbly as he feels. He holds Kagami’s face to his and sighs, long and relieved. 

“That was awesome,” he breathes when they break. His eyes are filled with something quiet and deep, soft with amazement. Kagami gazes back, dumbstruck by it.

 _“I love you,”_ he murmurs, but Aomine’s eyes don’t even twitch, vacant the way they always are when he says words he doesn’t recognize. 

He wonders if Aomine knows that he’s done this before. Wonders if a moment ago when Aomine had stared down at him in awe, he’d thought, _where did you learn how to do that—_

He wonders if Aomine ever thinks about how it was when he was with Hitoshi, if he ever kisses Kagami and thinks about how Kagami used to kiss his ex. Does Aomine wonder if Kagami compares the two of them, even in passing. Their kisses, the way they smile, their bodies—

He wants to tell him that every moment he spends with him, everything they do, he outclasses Hitoshi by a mile. He wants to tell him that he’s always loved him twenty times more than he’d ever loved Hitoshi.  


He wants to tell him, but he never does.

. . .

It derails his thoughts so much that for a beat, he even forgets to be angry.  


“You wouldn’t hang out with me anymore ‘cuz a’ that guy!”  


For a minute Kagami just stares and stares, taken aback, absolutely flabbergasted by the outburst, and by the immediate look of panic on Aomine’s face, the kind you make when you realize you’ve said something you shouldn’t have and have to keep your hand from flying to your mouth to cover it.

He’s met boys in America who acted the way Aomine’s acted in the last month or so. Who called the gay guys fags and who picked fights with them. Who had issues with their own sense of masculinity and needed to bully others to falsely bolster it. The kind of people that Kagami hasn’t had more than passing run-ins with. They’re all the same.

But just maybe… maybe it all could’ve been a misunderstanding. Maybe it was just the case of an angry guy lashing out at what he didn’t understand. Cruel though Aomine had been, maybe it had just escalated far out of the bounds either of them had meant to let it get. Because everything that’s happened until now was indeed the behavior of a rotten high-schooler that would grow into a rotten adult. The type of person that wasn’t worth missing or even worth sparing passing thoughts about.

But _that— ‘You wouldn’t hang out with me anymore’_ — that was the confession of a selfish child who hasn’t wanted to share his toys. A kid who got upset when his buddy made a new friend. And it makes everything else look just a little bit different.

He doesn’t know why he starts laughing exactly. But there’s this profound sense of relief that just washes through him. Maybe because it seems so like Aomine to get ruffled up about something minor and then not back out once he’s dug himself into a pit with his bad attitude. Maybe because he can see exactly how they’d gotten led down this road and how silly he was for thinking that this was the same, _because they’re all the same—_

Aomine looks pale in the face, a sick sheen of sweat on his forehead as he swallows, looking pathetic and uncertain. Kagami can’t stop laughing.

“Really? That’s what got you so worked up?”

Aomine just squirms and pouts his lips out, sulking, and shrugs, refusing to look at him, like he doesn’t want to make the mistake of admitting out loud again that he’d gotten carried away because of jealousy. Indignation and offense— _insecurity._ Kagami never would’ve guessed Aomine even had the capacity to feel like that.

Of course he’s not the same as those guys. He’s never been like anyone else he’s ever met in his life. He wasn’t rotten. Just stupid.

What a disaster.

He should have said this all before, the stubborn ass. But Kagami’s grateful enough to hear it now, Aomine coming around looking like an idiot and apologizing to him. And maybe that makes him a sucker. Maybe he’s a fool to give him another chance, but Aomine’s always been a big brat.

“C’mere, loser.”

He should probably feel guilty for backing down, for forgiving him, but the spark of hope and joy on Aomine’s sad tired face when he picks up the basketball and starts dribbling it, waiting for him to join him on the court, it spreads a warmth through his whole body, down to his fingertips. Despite it all, his heart had never been able to close that door. Not entirely.

Maybe Kagami’s making excuses for him because he still loves him, because he doesn’t want their rivalry to end despite having told himself and told himself that he’s already walked away and won’t turn back around. 

Maybe he’s a fool to give him another chance to stab him in the back, but Aomine doesn’t let him down. He shapes up, true to his word. But nevertheless, after that afternoon, things change between them. Nothing he can see or put his finger on, but something he can feel.

What is this unreadable expression he finds on Aomine’s face, time and again over the coming weeks, eyes sad and deep, gazing into his for far too long. 

Was he…..?

No. Of course he’s not. It can’t be.

. . .

“I thought you’d be happy,” Aomine says to him, breathy and almost bewildered, looking for all the world like he can’t believe he’s saying the things he’s saying, like he hardly knows how deeply they pierce Kagami’s heart. “Because when _I_ heard you felt the same, I was—” he trails off, but the look on his face tells him what he was going to say.

When I heard you loved me, I felt— _joy._

He stands there looking at Kagami like he’s holding his heart out to him, waiting and waiting for him to take it. 

Kagami can’t describe the otherwordly force that’s keeping him on his feet, rooted in place. This bone-numbing fear that makes him shiver all over. All he wants is to find a place to hide, a place where he can be safe to finally cry out everything he’s been holding in since Akashi’s party. Anywhere but here, where the last person he wants to see him break down is standing there and watching him choke on tears.

The desperation he’d felt when Aomine had confessed to him on the court, after Hitoshi has left him, after _basketball_ has left him— after he’s been beaten and broken and humiliated, after he feels like standing up and moving on is the hardest it’s ever been.

“Please, can we just go home and pretend this never happened and go back to playing basketball like always,” he croaks out through tears. Aomine’s wide-eyed pitying look cuts him straight to the bones, but he doesn’t stop begging, please, let’s just walk away now, before— 

He puts his hand to his neck, grips at the ring and chain.

Before he loses something he can’t get back.

It’s ripping him apart, and in that moment he hates how cruel Aomine’s being, to make him hope at the final hour, once he’s at his lowest. Don’t make him hope. Because if that’s taken away once he’s come to the end like this, Kagami doesn’t know how he’ll survive. A person can't live without hope.

His month without Aomine had taught him that he could and would go on if he lost the thing he loved most in life. It was within his ability to just pick up and keep going, not that much worse off. It hadn’t even been so hard.

But life would be a little emptier. When people leave your life, the place they’d occupied takes up just as much space. When he and Aomine had fought, it’s not even that Kagami had kept thinking about him and his absence. It’s more that he _hadn’t_ thought about him. It had been like he’d never existed. It was like starting over and getting to live a life in which he and Aomine had just never met, and that’s when he’d learned that the void Aomine left behind just couldn’t be filled quite the same.

He's not the type of person who can be replaced, and walking away and moving on meant he had to resign himself to carrying that loss around with him— 

Maybe that's why he'd been so mad in the gym that day, a boy who'd discovered how easy it would be to move on from what felt like the worst heartbreak imaginable— and so, so disappointed that he was being made to do so.

Maybe that's why he'd gotten so broken up when Aomine had come to poke and prod him, _is it true, you love me—_ because that's what he'd learned. He was strong enough to live without Aomine and cope just fine, move on and have a fulfilling life if he wanted— but what a waste. What a horrible thing.

He's done it before. Kagami's lost more than most in his short life. He knows what it is to start over, to pick himself up after he's gotten obliterated. The idea of doing it again, standing there on the street court and trembling under the summer sky, Kagami knows what it'll be like, living with a void with one specific shape, a void that could only be filled by the thing he'd left behind.

The thought of it was so painful that it drove him to tears. 

“If I say it and you walked away, I couldn’t replace you,” he whispers. "Ever."  


_So please. Please don’t make me say goodbye._  


He gazes at Aomine pitifully, begging for a reprieve. How can Aomine see him like this, wet lashes, red and blotchy face, quivering lips, and not take pity, just leave him be, please don’t do this, not now— 

He’s used to leaving things behind, but if he has to let this go…

He doesn’t think he can.

. . .

“Kagami—” Aomine moans out.

“Will you fucking stop,” Kagami hisses, slapping at his ear and shoving him aside with his foot. Aomine laughs and settles into the couch next to him as Kagami fiddles around putting in the next DVD as quick as he can, getting back to the relative safety of the couch.

Aomine insists that they watch with the lights off ‘to build atmosphere’ or whatever the fuck. The last couple movies weren’t so bad, because at least the light outside hadn’t died yet, and they’d passed the time eating the snacks Kagami made, munching on the floor and laughing at the stupid parts.

Now it’s past eleven, and it’s completely dark other than the flickering of the TV. And he has a feeling Aomine purposefully made him save the scariest one for the last. “Did you see this before,” Kagami wonders, after clearing his throat to make sure he won’t sound noticeably nervous. Aomine shakes his head, eyes not breaking from the screen.

After that, they sit for twenty minutes in silence as the suspense slowly builds. The low atmospheric music is putting him on edge. Kagami knows he’s not the only chicken here. They’re both scared and are pretending not to be scared, not wanting to break first and give the other the chance to pounce and tease mercilessly.

Kagami’s completely tense, his hand balled up into a fist in his lap, eyes glued to the screen. He has his legs pulled off the floor, because he somehow feels more secure like that. Aomine’s motionless at his side, a blanket around him.

He knows there's a fucking sting coming, he swallows hard as he can hear the music building and then suddenly go dead silent. And then a jumpscare that makes them both jolt snaps across the screen in the next second. 

_“Jesus,”_ Kagami breathes, shoulders lowering. His heart had flipped.

They watch another minute or so in silence and then he feels something touch his leg. “FUCK!” he yelps, and he leaps off the couch, kicking out wildly. Aomine has also flung himself backwards, hanging over the backboard with one leg in the air.

“Shit—”

Oh— he realizes. He was trying to hold hands.

Kagami sheepishly gets back on the couch and Aomine dusts himself off wordlessly, burying himself in his blanket. Fuck.

. . .

They’re pawing at each other in his living room. They’ve had a great day together. Hitoshi had surprised him on his way home from school and taken him out for the day. 

Days like this together have seemed to grow fewer and fewer as their relationship has gone on, days spent in happiness and harmless fun, not a sore word between them. Things have been getting tense lately, a little rough, so it’s always a relief when they’re doing fine again.

Hitoshi’s cuddling on him and kissing under his ear, arms around his waist to tug Kagami into him. Kagami keeps laughing as his mouth tickles at his neck, and soon he’s drawn into a kiss, a sigh of enjoyment escaping his nose. 

They’re five minutes into making out when it starts to get heavier. Kagami’s hard and is holding his hips back from their embrace, but unable to extract himself from their liplock, because Hitoshi’s hanging on too hard. He’s got handfuls of his ass, digs his hands into his hair, passionate and rough.

When Hitoshi goes to touch him, searching fingers on his erection, squeezing through his shorts, Kagami breaks away. Hitoshi immediately looks annoyed. The patience he’d shown at the start of their relationship is all but gone.

“Why do you keep chickening out,” he accuses, irritated at the interruption.

“It’s not chickening out,” Kagami says a little defensively after a surprised pause.

“Yeah well you keep acting like you’re gonna’ do something and then you change your mind,” Hitoshi huffs, running a hand through his hair, and Kagami frowns. He doesn’t like the feeling he gets when he knows he’s disappointed him. 

“Don’t lead me on. It's not fair to lead a guy on.”

“I’m not.”

“What’s this then?”

 _“Don’t,”_ Kagami refuses, a little breathy, shoving Hitoshi’s hand away from where he’d just grabbed a handful of his groin. “...” They just stare at each other for a minute, Hitoshi looking bitter and fed up. 

“I can’t help it,” Kagami finally says, looking down, hands in his lap.

“Yeah well me neither.” Hitoshi juts his chin out. “You got me excited, so what am I supposed to do now?”

“It’s not my fault,” he mumbles. He’d thought they were just kissing, so—

“Let’s at least get off.”

Kagami doesn’t say anything else, eyes cast down, and he must look uncertain enough because Hitoshi just sighs.

“You’re fucking impossible,” he says under his breath.

“Fine,” Kagami breathes.

Hitoshi stands up from the couch. Kagami sits there, just staring forward. He doesn’t know what he feels. Maybe hollow. Small. Like he always does after they’ve argued. 

Hitoshi unbelts his pants. And Kagami gets on the ground. Fine—

He grins down at him, eyes sparkling. His warm palm cups the side of his face. “That’s better.” Kagami smiles back.

He’s never known if he’s any good at it. He’s probably not, because Hitoshi has been his only practice, and the times have been few— but Hitoshi must not have experience either, because he doesn’t seem to care about his fumbling. He just stands there and moans sweetly. Hums his name. Laughs and pets his hair and watches him do it.

Fine.

His mouth tastes sour for the rest of the day, and his legs are sore from kneeling on the floor mats, his neck aches from straining, and his stomach feels funny. But Hitoshi is in a better mood, he’s affectionate for the rest of the night, lazy and happy and particularly nice to him, but even so, Kagami can’t help but feel that he would’ve rather been somewhere else.

It’s only later that he remembers he was supposed to meet Aomine on the street court. 

. . .

When the movie’s over and they go to sleep that night, racing into his bedroom without hardly a peep, they hug together, blankets pulled wordlessly above their heads. It feels safer like that, with their feet pulled in and every last bit of them covered by the blanket.

Aomine cuddles on him, scooted down farther than he has, his head nestled on his breastbone, warm puffs of breath seeping through his t-shirt and onto his belly.

He knows Aomine loves him. He knew it when he got sick and Aomine had come over and spent the weekend with him, washed his hair for him and tried to make him some food and took it easy on him when he wasn’t feeling good— He knew it when Aomine picked and teased him gleefully from morning till night, he knew it when Aomine spent his pocket money on him and took him to all his favorite places— He knows it when they’re standing side by side and Aomine sticks his pinkie out of his pocket and curls it around Kagami’s fingers. He knows it when he says I love you in English, words that he knows Aomine doesn’t understand, and yet every second he spends with him, his eyes sparkle like they did that day in the rain, finally together, when he’d blurted out, _me too— me too—_

But sometimes…

Kagami swallows hard and closes his eyes tightly, hugging Aomine’s head to his middle. He’s not asleep just yet, can feel his fingertips curl into his back, one arm slung over Kagami’s hip. The bridge of his nose pokes into his chest as he adjusts his head. 

Sometimes it bothers him that Aomine’s never said it out loud. Not that it makes much of a difference. But he thinks it would, in some small way. 

To him it would.


	9. Chapter 9

It’s different this time. The atmosphere has changed, the tension rising as it always does when one of them is about to push the boundaries a little farther again.

Making out on his bedspread, Kagami’s thrilled to lay flat on his back and let Aomine crawl all over him, pin him down and just kiss and feel each other up for an hour straight, till' he's been hard long enough that it hurts— He can feel Aomine’s nerves, feel it in the way his hands tremble, the crease in his brow, the way he isn’t smiling or fooling around the way they usually do when they kiss and snuggle and wrestle.

They’ve been going further and further lately. Putting their hands under the other’s shirt and pushing it up, grabbing each other’s asses when they kiss and grind. One of these times they’re going to end up— 

Aomine’s hand is in his shorts and Kagami lays there helpless and dazed, pleased at how routine this has become, how easy. Their lips part, and Kagami’s just about to ask what’s up when Aomine gulps nervously and sits up. Kagami pushes himself up on his elbows, facing him.

“What’s—” He sits the rest of the way up and lets Aomine scoot in, lets him sit between his legs, arms draped around him. Their chests are hugged together, hips slotted up close, and all the hairs on his body stand up at once when Aomine’s hot breath hits his ear.

“Do you, uh… Do you know how to—” 

Kagami’s so hard he shoves his fist in his mouth and bites on it. _Oh god—_

Ten fingertips nervously grip into his back. Aomine’s cheek is pressed against his neck, probably so he can avoid looking at him dead on.

“You know… how to do it?” Aomine breathes, ragged and low.

“I think so,” he manages, mouth going dry. He tips his head towards Aomine’s, lets his face press against his. He brushes his forehead on Aomine’s temple, coaxing him to turn towards him until their noses bump.

Aomine’s eyes are cast low, lashes shading them, and his mouth is pinched and twisted, contorting on a nervous swallow.  
  
  


The weeks after he and Aomine had fallen out were a weird period in his life. Limbo, almost, caught in the middle. 

It felt indescribably strange to be moving on with life as though nothing had happened. He was heartbroken, wasn’t he? So heartbroken that for a time he’d almost thought that he wouldn’t be able to get over it, it had hurt so bad. And yet, he can function the same as always, feels all the same feelings, the same ups and downs. It was alarmingly easy, to go on with life without something he’d thought was so important. So special— irreplaceable.

He doesn’t talk about Aomine, and after a week or so, he doesn’t think about him that much either. Maybe it shouldn’t surprise him how quickly he learns to cope with it. He’s used to leaving things behind. Always has been.

But this time… it feels sort of like shutting the curtains and blocking out the light of the full moon. And just rolling over and going to sleep in darkness.

He’s heard from Kuroko that Aomine hasn’t been doing that great.

When they meet in the gym, he sees the same old face that he thought he knew so well. As easy as it was to walk away, it’s just as easy, scarily so, to turn around and come back. He doesn’t think he’s ever done that before. Maybe that’s what hope is. Still there even if you ignore it, waiting in the shadows for an opportunity, any crevice it can shine through.

Aomine looks like shit. He was disheveled, like he’s wearing week-old laundry that he’d slept in for all seven of those days, and his skin is off-color, makes him look sick.  
  


He looks kind of like that now, sitting in Kagami’s room on his bed with him, the lights off, curtains drawn to block out the afternoon sun. No, he might even look a little sicker. Less sad and pitiful, but definitely more scared. And reaching out for him just as hard.

Kagami has to wonder why he’d brought it up, why he was the one to initiate it and take them to that point if he looks like he'll faint trying to do it— and it reminds him of that afternoon, the pathetic look to his sallow face, desolate and bleak, but some pitiful hope remained there, and burnt out as he was, if that hope had a chance, he was determined to at least try— 

Aomine hugs him, holds onto him with this silent sense of terror, his back rigid. Kagami closes his eyes, swallows, and tries to keep his cool, tries to settle the fire in his blood to a simmer.

“Have you ever even fingered yourself before?” Kagami gets out, lashes brushing Aomine’s temple. Aomine’s fingers curl into his shoulders.

“I mean… a little,” he admits, his raspy voice cracking, hesitant with shame.

Kagami tries to slow his heart and his breathing. This is the farthest Aomine’s ever wanted to go. Kagami’s pushed his luck before about their physical relationship, but he’s never even tried to get Aomine to do anything like that, anything even _close_ to— 

_This_ feels one step away from— from _real sex—_  
  
  


After his fight with Aomine, that disaster of a fight, Kagami had gone on as usual, but had closed off emotionally from his friends and team. From Hitoshi especially. They’d kept dating and seeing each other pretty frequently, but Kagami only feels it all on the surface, the waves on the surface belying the still of the deep.

He gets over it pretty quickly — the fact that everyone, _everyone,_ knows now. That he's gay. Thanks to Aomine. There’s no point being upset about it, because there’s nothing he can do about it anyways.

It’s not to his detriment, because his team goes on treating him as they always do, if not for a few confused looks, but he suspects that’s due to Kuroko’s interference. He’s spared a few grateful thoughts to the way his friend has deflected his team’s questions and likely talked them all into letting the subject go.

He doesn’t have to worry much about what people are thinking of him. If he were anyways, a couple of the people who’d been there during that disaster have since come to him personally to tell him face to face that they accept him. Sometimes it’s awkward, others it’s a friendly slap on the shoulder and a simple, ‘you’re all right.’

It all blows over so quickly that honestly, he feels like he should be more upset about it than he is. Aomine had outed him to the great majority of the people he’d met here. He’d embarrassed him. But in the end he’d mostly just been upset about all that other business— the personal stuff.

Aomine looking at him so hatefully, so disgusted, like Kagami had purposely kept being gay a secret as some sort of personal slight.

Young though he is, in retrospect Kagami knows that a lot of Aomine’s adverse reaction came from lack of understanding, and from deep insecurities and personal issues, as that kind of thing almost always does. At the time he hadn’t cared to have any sympathy, because the way he saw it, Aomine shouldn’t take his issues out on him. But after they made up and Kagami watched him struggle to come to terms with it, looking uncomfortable when he saw him and Hitoshi together, Kagami starts to understand that maybe Aomine had looked at the two of them and just maybe, he’d seen something inside himself that had scared him.

That’s what he looks like every time he’s frozen up in hesitation. Holding back from holding hands, from kissing, from getting more intimate and physical, from getting _sexual,_ something he had to warm up to, approach slowly, afraid that he won’t like it, afraid that he _will—_

That’s what he looks like now, as he has many times before, so familiar now that Kagami can read it on sight. Scared to do something that he can’t come back from.

As Aomine would put it, he can’t ‘ungay’ himself once he’s been gayed.

Hysterical laughter in his throat, Kagami swallows and then grits out, “Are you sure you want to do this?” He waits a beat and then babbles, "We don't have to, you know that. I won't be disappointed, or... or... Fuck, I'm not gonna' be mad or anything." 

So far, Aomine being a chicken hasn’t stopped him. It holds him up, but not forever. Eventually he always gives in and tries it, no matter how scared, and the last little threads he’s hanging onto are snapping one by one. Kissing, touching, sucking each other’s dicks, one after the other, the things Aomine thought were too gay to ever do, till only one thing is left—

He nods mutely, mouth open on a ‘yeah,’ but no sound comes out. Kagami takes his chin and kisses him.  
  
  


After a minute or so of slow kissing, trying to calm their nerves, Kagami gets up. He takes his shirt over his head. Aomine stares up at him breathlessly, and makes room for him when Kagami slips onto the bed behind him, settling down on his side, his back pressed to Kagami’s chest.

Kagami does a reach-around, putting his arm across Aomine’s stomach, slowing when Aomine grips his wrist on its path into his underwear. It hangs on as he slides his fingers in and gets his hand around his dick. He’s half hard, and Kagami can hear him gasping aloud, breath shaking. 

Christ, Kagami's so charged with excitement that his head is pounding, he's so hard he thinks he's gonna' blow right here, but Aomine's shaky, nervous energy is effecting him too, he feels scared and hesitant too, scared to hurt him, scared to _scare_ him _—_

"You okay?... I can stop if _—"_

"Don't fucking talk right now," Aomine grunts out tightly, biting his lips shut again immediately.

Chin on Aomine’s shoulder for a second, Kagami jerks him off a little and then hikes Aomine’s leg up, hooking it back over his own, shakily licks his fingers, and then reaches in again to feel underneath his balls, touching him tentatively between the legs. Aomine’s fist digs into his wrist, but doesn’t pull Kagami's hand away.

His whole body jumps and strains away when Kagami touches him on the bottom, delves inbetween his asscheeks. It’s hot and damp on his fingertips, fuck, he’s touching it—

Aomine makes a little noise, a little whimpered croaking sound. Kagami doesn't prod in, he doesn't penetrate, just pokes around and enjoys how it feels, warm and damp with sweat, drawn together tightly, soft and ridged.

Kagami’s mouth is watering like crazy, his face in Aomine’s shoulder, his dick straining against Aomine’s sweaty back, the moisture sticking the fabric of his underwear to it and causing friction when he presses against him. Fuck, he’s so turned on— he feels so horny that he’s a little terrified by the intense urge he has to rut onto his boyfriend’s back, thrust against him, grab him around the hips to hold him still so he can just hump himself on his back— fuck, he wants—

He wants to put it inside.

The rush of blood to his head is so powerful he feels like his septum is going to pop a vessel. Just the feel of rubbing and stroking between Aomine’s legs, hugging him from behind like this— it feels like sex. It’s— 

Amazing.

Aomine doesn't say to stop, but he's trembling, so he lets go.

Maybe not yet.

. . .

“Aren’t you almost done yet?” Aomine sighs, impatient and miserable. Kagami rolls his eyes. “How much dust could’ve gathered from like, _yesterday?”_

Kagami glances over his shoulder. Aomine’s upside down on the couch, head on the floor, leg in the air. He snorts. “You were here yesterday, idiot. I didn’t clean.”

Aomine flails an arm and makes a moping sound. Kagami shakes his head and leaves him to his sulking. “Okay, but. Why does it feel like every time I’m over, you’re playing maid.”

Okay, one, Kagami's not playing anything, he lives alone, so who else is gonna’ clean the place. Two—

“Uhh maybe because you always come on cleaning day?” Kagami says without a shred of sympathy for Aomine’s pitiful near-death look. “Read a magazine if you’re bored.”

“I looked at them all already,” Aomine grumbles, and when Kagami doesn’t answer, he groans. “Ugh.”

He gets about twenty seconds of peace and quiet before Aomine complains again, “You’re taking so _long.”_

“Not any longer than any other day.” Or maybe now that Aomine’s complained so much, he’s deliberately dragging it out, but we’ll never know.

“Sounds like you’re just slow.” Oh, that’s it.

Kagami stills. “Y’know. Maybe if you weren’t so _lazy—”_

“You should take a break and come pay attention to me.”

“— and tried to help me, then—”

He doesn’t sound miserable anymore. He sounds like he always does when he’s getting pleasure out of teasing him. “Oh, I see what you’re saying.” 

Kagami narrows his eyes. “You do.”

“Mhm.”

“Cause’ what I see,” he says flatly, getting back to his chores and ignoring Aomine’s leer, “is you, in about five seconds, with the worst wedgie known to mankind.” He nudges Aomine with his foot on his way by. “Weeping for your balls.”

“You know what I see?” Kagami stares down at him, arms crossed. Aomine grins. “My babe of a boyfriend in an apron.” 

Kagami lets out an almighty huff and grinds his jaw on the way to the hall closet to stow his supplies, because he can make out some over the top garbage about, _‘the handsomest boy in the world—’_ and he knows the only reason Aomine isn't embarrassed to say it is because he knows Kagami is more embarrassed to hear it, it's this crazy game of flirty chicken he plays _—_

“Aw, you’re done? No, keep the apron on for a while!”

“Do you have some sort of complex.”

“My complex is you,” Aomine teases, grinning boyishly, and oh great, he’s remembered he has legs and is following him now, enjoying the flustered look that’s all over his face, no doubt.

“But you know what, that’s fine, because I know how to get your attention now.” Kagami stands at the counterside, picking up his grocery list for a glance.

“Oh yeah? And how’s that.”

“With a… _boob grab!”_

“Wah!” he yelps when Aomine hands snake under his arms and clap over his chest. He hugs up behind him at the counter and clings on like a leech, nosing into his ear. 

“Hey!” he shouts indignantly, a little embarrassed at being caught by surprise.

“Mmm,” Aomine hums, squeezing and groping. He worms his chin onto Kagami’s shoulder and peeks over. He squeezes one handful, then the next. “Ooh, they’re nice.”

“You enjoying yourse— ah!” Kagami gave Aomine a look. “I’m about to pinch you back, and you won’t like it.”

Aomine shuffles closer, sock feet brushing Kagami’s, his chest against his back. “I might,” he breathes in his ear, shy almost. Kagami can feel him smiling.

He braces his hands on the counter and hangs his head. “You little pervert.” He can feel Aomine’s dick on his back, half-hard and wedged there by Aomine’s tight embrace.

“I thought you wanted to play basketball.”

“I was getting a little bored, but,” he says breathlessly, smiling lips brushing Kagami’s cheek, “You’re fun to play with too.”

Kagami avoids his sweet flirty eyes and shoves his own erection against the counter, hands in fists on the edge. “If you want your dick sucked, then just ask.”

“Pretty please?” he breathes, hot with shame.

 _‘I thought you’d never ask—‘_

Kagami takes Aomine by the face and kisses him. When he starts to lower to the ground, Aomine seems surprised to be taken with him. He makes a stuttered noise when Kagami palms the front of his shorts, fumbling to get on the floor, letting Kagami kiss him straight to the ground.

“Haa,” a breathy moan floats out of him, flat on his back in the hallway, legs apart, the perfect space for Kagami’s head. Man, Kagami loves him like that, this helpless look that’s both eager and scared, he looks so much like a virgin and it leaves him starving no matter how many times—

He takes his cock out for him and grips it. “Wow, look at that, it's standing up on its own,” he hums appreciatively, licking a stripe up the backside and watching Aomine melt.

“Get in my mouth, stud,” he says, and opens his mouth, tongue out. Aomine swallows hard, cheeks red, jutting his hips up as much as he can, look at his abs work— 

Kagami slurps him down when the tip reaches his lips, bobbing his head and squeezing a handful of his balls through his shorts.

“Oh. Yeah,” Aomine breathes, quiet and shaky, hands gently holding him by the hair. He picks his head up to watch for as long as his neck will support him. “Ah… Taiga,” he whispers, panting lightly and hissing through his teeth. "Fuck..."

It’s a little amazing, the ease with which they do this kind of stuff now. In a way, it only makes Kagami more eager to take the next step, but this is what he and Aomine do. Play basketball, sleep over, get off together— that’s what he’s comfortable with, and Aomine likes his comfort zone.

Kagami likes jumping for the stars. 

And he knows that all of this fooling around is only in Aomine’s comfort zone now because they’d ventured _out_ of it time and again. All of this has scared him until he’d gotten used to it. Started to like it. First kissing, then a little more, and then a little _more—_ he thinks that if they’re able to try the next thing, Aomine will see that it’s not so scary— if Kagami can do it right— 

“Mmm,” Kagami hums, cheeks hollowed, sweat on his brow. Aomine slim body is locked up, clammy fists squeezing his head, urging him on. He rubs himself on Aomine’s leg, sucks his dick and enjoys it, it’s never felt like a chore like it did with Hitoshi, Aomine is— 

Kagami wrings him out and tucks him back in his shorts, wiping his mouth with his wrist. “How about that basketball match now?” he pants, winded.

Aomine’s eyes are closed, his arm over his head, body utterly limp. “Five minutes,” he mumbles, blissed. Kagami snickers and lays down next to him. "That was great, babe, thank you _—"_

Aomine sighs again, contented and relieved. He falls asleep before the five minutes and Kagami lays there with him and smiles, hands laced on his chest— _‘The best, Kagami, the best—’_

_You're my best too—_

Kagami’s done a lot of thinking about what happened between them last time Aomine was over. He’d feel pretty rotten about it if not for the fact that he wasn’t the one to raise the idea. Aomine had initiated it on his own, and that meant that at least in the beginning, he’d had his reasons for wanting to do it.

Now though, after that somewhat botched first groping session, Kagami thinks that if they’re really going to go this far, then it’s probably better to ease into it, like they have everything else. If only for Aomine’s sake. He does seem to want to go through with it, but he also seems scared to go all the way—

When Kagami thinks about it, not in the moment, he feels pretty nervous too. 

It's different than fingering himself, right? He won't know how it feels for Aomine. How's he going to know if it hurts if Aomine doesn't say?

They should probably work their way up to it and practice in other ways first, before trying anything drastic.

After a few rounds of basketball and some burgers, Kagami suggests they give it another try. Aomine looks like he swallowed a cat, so Kagami tells him to go take his shower first and then wait for him in his room while he takes his.

He takes it as cold as he can stand and tries to psyche himself up. There's no real point anyways, he's so nervous that his dick is limp. He scrubs himself everywhere until he’s pink, dries himself off, and then goes to his room, head reeling. Aomine’s sitting on his bed, and when Kagami opened the door, he looked up like a startled animal.

Kagami gulps, heart pounding, and turns the light off. Aomine doesn’t say anything, frozen in the darkness as Kagami approaches the bedside and eases down beside him. Then slowly, he starts to shuffle out of his clothes. Kagami pulls his socks off, one at a time, then drags his shirt over his head. Aomine blinks and then shakes himself, tentatively taking his own off too.

He pushes his shorts down and starts to breathe heavier when Aomine swallows and copies him again, even more hesitantly, baring his long legs. He’s brown all over, bright blue briefs cutting a stripe in the middle.

Aomine won’t look when Kagami shucks his underwear, hanging onto his own, reluctant to even strip all the way naked. Kagami’s feeling shy too, sitting here completely exposed, so he picks up the cover, and Aomine practically leaps under with him. 

He pulls the blanket up to their necks and lets it drop, and Aomine squirms around under there and then throws the underwear out onto the floor, and for a second they just stare at each other in the dark. Aomine’s wide-eyed and his nose is poking above the comforter, scrunched and pink.

“We don’t have to do this.”

“Why are you whispering, fuckhead,” Aomine deflects, also whispering, so Kagami gets a little closer. The first thing his body touches is Aomine’s knee, leg bent in defense to keep him back, but he slowly slides it down to let him closer and closer until—

The nerves that have kept him soft lose their power immediately when he feels Aomine’s body, warm and completely bare, touching his from toes to chest. Kagami puts his arms around him and Aomine hugs him back. All that skin, pressing into him, it's wonderful.

“Wow, you feel…” Kagami sighs. “Awesome…”

Aomine’s hard too, it’s so weird to feel it like this, nudging between his bare legs. Kagami lets out a slow breath and Aomine doesn’t let go, hugging on tight. Their chests are pressed together and Kagami can feel Aomine’s heart beating quick and shallow like a baby bird’s.

Shit, they’re naked— they’re naked— The excitement of it seems to soothe some of Aomine’s jitters too, because he’s starting to touch him a little, rub Kagami’s back with open palms and nervously lick his lips.

“Hey,” Kagami pants, open-mouthed and touching himself. “Aomine. Aomine—”

“What,” he rasps, leg fitting between Kagami’s, his skin feeling hot everywhere Kagami touches. His eyes are wide and white.

“Kiss me.” Aomine does. Lips and tongue and teeth, hard, sloppy with adrenaline, a make-out that electrifies him, makes his erection ache— he takes Aomine’s hand and spits in it, trembling when Aomine moans aloud and let him pull it under the blanket, guide it between his legs. Maybe if he goes first, Aomine will let him do it back...

Kagami keeps kissing him, tries to, Aomine’s mouth is slack on his, but he doesn’t retreat from Kagami’s insistent kisses and licks. He takes his hand away, but Aomine lets his stay there, motionless and stiff. He obliges to roll over Kagami a little, partway on top of him, his hand hesitant and curious as he feels around. Kagami’s heart is racing, fist working his dick back and forth. Aomine’s going to finger him, oh— 

His fingers tentatively probe between his legs, the heel of his hand cupping Kagami’s balls. Warm damp fingertips slot into his asscrack, and when he touches his asshole, he just stays there, panting into Kagami’s mouth and holding still.

“You checkin' my pulse?” Kagami rasps, and Aomine actually laughs, a high hysterical noise.

“Shut—” he tries to speak, but he can’t stop laughing, quiet and breathy, too surprised and shot with adrenaline to say anything else. “Shut up,” he manages to whisper, his smile looking partway terrified.

“Aren’t you gonna’ do it? You can,” Kagami urges, jacking himself off, spreading his legs for Aomine under the blanket, and Aomine gives it some more effort, rubbing his hand back and forth on it, petting him like he doesn’t know what else to do. It’s kinda’ sweet. “Daiki—”

“Okay, okay,” Aomine bites out, “I am, just—” He pulls his hand out and spits, spits, can’t make any spit. Takes a shaky breath and grits his teeth, tries to spit into his trembling hand.

Kagami slaps around on his nightstand for lotion and Aomine fumbles to put some on his fingertips, pulls the blankets up to their shoulders and rests his forehead on Kagami’s while he reaches around him blindly. 

Kagami feels antsy and excited, but they're pressed together close, so he feels secure, Aomine's arm hugged around his back, reaching down from behind. 

He lets out a quiet sigh as Aomine’s fingertips probe in, fumbling slowly. He shuts his eyes, body coursing with excitement. “Will it hurt?” Aomine breathes.

“I don’t think so,” Kagami pants. He puts his hand over Aomine’s and presses on it to encourage him and give him a nudge, and he watches Aomine swallow, then feels him try pushing a fingertip in. As he pushes on the tense muscle, Kagami squeezes, then relaxes, the pucker opening up. 

“Whoa,” he whispers, tentatively sinking it farther and farther, long and flexible. Kagami squirms and gasps for breath, jerking himself off.

“So,” Aomine goes on. “This is fun. My finger’s in your butt.”

Kagami cracks up, and Aomine holds very still when his insides squeeze, looking surprised at the way Kagami’s body feels moving on his hand and around his finger. “Not very sexy, Captain Obvious.”

“What’s next.”

“Finger me, you idiot,” Kagami laughs, and Aomine cluelessly but very earnestly moves his finger in and out. It kind of feels like a worm wiggling around in his guts but he’s so turned on that the stimulation has him moaning aloud as he beats off. He squirms his hips, squeezing down on Aomine's finger and pressing his hips up into his hand as he masturbates. The orgasm is like nothing he’s ever felt before, wrings his body out like a rag, leaves him trembling all over, weak in every muscle and crying out like a little lamb.

Aomine stops and pulls his finger out, reaching over him to nab his towel off the floor and wipe his hand. Kagami lays there and pants. "Fuck. Oh my god." He kicks the blankets down off his feverish skin.

“Wanna try it?” Kagami breathes, and Aomine gulps.

“Okay.”

Kagami moves to hug back in against him but before he can, Aomine turns over and lays on his stomach, head in his elbow. He must not want to do it from the front. Kagami scoots his pathetic and euphorically limp body next to him, skates a hand down his back, skidding through the cold sweat gathering along the dip of his spine— when he meets the curve at the small of his back and the swell of his ass, Aomine’s hand reaches back to stop his progress. 

“Go slow,” he forces out, wrenched with embarrassment. 

Kagami kisses between Aomine’s shoulderblades, and then the back of his head when he ducks it onto the mattress, hiding his face and hunching in on himself. “Kagami, do it slow,” he muffles into the bed. "..... Okay?" he prompts.

“Okay,” Kagami gasps out, body still heaving. He’s sweaty all over as he rests his weight on Aomine’s back, using one wobbly arm to hold himself up.

Fingertips wet with lotion, he licks his palm and fits his hand in the cleft of Aomine’s ass, warm and taught with muscle, and when he can’t support his own weight anymore, he rests on Aomine, his naked back. He’s gentle, he’s really really gentle, rubbing with his thumb, just circling it and massaging it to try and open the first sphincter at least, but Aomine is clenching tight, fighting his fingertip when he pushes it in. 

It’s amazingly hot inside, and the flesh is so tender Kagami moans aloud.

Aomine makes a noise. “You like that?” Kagami pushes in up to the knuckle, carefully teases with his fingertip. He kisses at the side of Aomine’s face and finds he’s biting his lips together, eyes bravely screwed shut.

He’s pale and sweaty, and is trembling like he’s going to vomit. _Oh, he doesn't like it—_

“We can stop,” Kagami says. Aomine doesn’t say anything, just lays there rigid, and suddenly Kagami feels horribly guilty. “Sorry,” he blurts, carefully pulling out. Aomine doesn’t breathe until he does. 

“Daiki... Hey, I’m sorry—” 

He gets one watery eye poking out, angry and burning with shame, glaring at Kagami like he’s hurt him and sulking like he’s disappointed with himself.

“It’s okay,” Kagami tries, “I don’t wanna’ make you do something you don’t want to. It’s okay, I’m not mad…” He’s not. “You wanna’ do something else?”

Aomine mumbles under his breath but he won’t repeat what he said, so Kagami sheepishly hugs him under his arm and kisses him on the head.

Face shoved in Kagami’s neck, Aomine gives a wet sniff, and Kagami feels like the worst boyfriend on earth. 

“Aw geez, Aomine,” he mutters. “You want anything?”

He cracks a smile when he feels a damp palm close on his buttcheek. 

“These cakes—” Aomine croaks and sniffs again. Kagami smiles and puts his nose in Aomine’s hair.

“Hey, I’m being groped!”

“Oh no… By who?”

“Hahaha—”

. . .

Kagami thumbs his phone, stomach twisting. His background, a picture of Aomine lit by the sunshine, laying on his back on red pavement, a basketball court. He’s lifting his head to purse his lips out at a toad, sitting in a heap on his chest, wrinkling his t-shirt.

The screen dims. Kagami unlocks the phone again and then sends a text.

_‘I’ll meet you there at six.’_

. . .

That night, Kagami has a nightmare. 

He dreams he’s choking. Something is squeezing around his throat and he can’t breathe. He kicks and thrashes and brings his hands up to pull the thing around his neck away so that he can get just a single breath, but nothing helps.

Barely awake, Kagami unravels a sheet, throwing it off the bed, and then lays on his back and gasps until he drifts off again. His throat feels all scratched up, like he’s swallowed a pine cone, and no matter how he coughs, it doesn’t go away.

He doesn't cry. He never can when he wants to.

. . .

Kagami pushes open the door of the music store on the corner when the girl out front handed him a tissue pack with a band he recognized.

He wanders around, rifling through some bins, and finds a few keepers. Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and the MCR farewell album. Just the sight of it reminded him of summers back home on the L.A. courts with Tatsuya, playing basketball while the boombox blared and his brother could scream his emo heart out— 

His eyes light up when he sees a stand in the corner. He heads over there and reaches for the last CD of an american band, his favorite from middle school. It’s a Fall Out Boy one— 

Right before he can pick it up, a hand slaps over it. Kagami scowls and tries to yank it away. “Hey, I saw it f—” When he looks up, Kagami’s jaw slackens. 

It’s a boy his age. A really handsome one. He’s got eyes like… like Coca Cola. Dark glowing brown.

He lets go of the CD, and now it’s in Kagami’s hand. “You like Fall Out Boy?” Kagami blurts. Coke-boy is smiling a really nice smile.

“Dude, I love it. Reminds me of middle school!” Kagami feels his heart start to flutter. “Wish I knew what they were saying!”

“Oh… Y’know, I grew up there,” Kagami noted, rubbing the back of his neck.

“What, that’s really cool.”

His name’s Kimura Hitoshi. He comes here a lot because he plays guitar and this is where he buys his sheet music. He’s a second-year high schooler but he’s a year older than Kagami, and he doesn’t seem in a hurry to leave at all. He smiles so much and asks Kagami about himself so much that Kagami felt thrilled down to his toes.

He rubs the back of his hair and bravely flirts back a little. Asks if Kimura wants to walk with him in the shopping arcade, maybe get some lunch and talk a little more. He says yes. Kagami’s so pleased that steam probably escapes from his ears.

“You play sports?” Kagami grins and follows Kimura to the door. “You look like you do.”

“Yeah, I like working out. Yourself? What are you into.” The door jingles and the sun shines in.

Kagami grins.  
  


“Basketball.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy crap i almost forgot to update, sorry

Kagami’s never been good at picking up subtleties, not if they don’t have to do with basketball.

He’s also never been able to figure out if people are gay or not unless they come out and _say_ so. It takes him a little while to be sure about the guy he met in the CD shop, Hitoshi, and he doesn’t know why he attaches to him so quickly, but maybe part of him was hoping.

He can’t be sure, but he thinks Hitoshi is flirting with him, and it’s incredibly thrilling. Especially when they part at the end of the afternoon and Hitoshi with a charming grin, says, “You wanna’... uh... can I get your number? We can listen to the CD.”

Oh shit, Kagami realizes — he’s gay too. _And he’s interested in me—_

There’s nothing quite like the excitement of teenage naivety and the joy of discovering that you’re liked by someone. There's nothing like loving when you've never been hurt.

He can still remember how that felt.

. . .

Kagami moans out into Aomine’s hair, the back of his ear, clinging onto him. He has a self-conscious thought for how much he’s sweating onto him, it’s got to feel gross, but Aomine doesn’t speak. He lays still, breath punched out of him as Kagami works his body against his naked back.

Aomine seems more comfortable the second time. He usually does. It’s like he can’t stop himself, as freaked out as he obviously is, and Kagami _knows_ he is because he doesn’t talk very much when they’re in his room with the lights and their clothes off. He’s scared, but he still keeps trying it, keeps going to the edge with Kagami, so Kagami keeps obliging him, fooling around under the covers and touching each other _there_ while they jerk each other off before bed. Aomine’s no less stiff and frightened than the first time when Kagami uses his fingers on him, so he leaves him be and gets on his back. Aomine's letting him fuck his legs—

“Da- Daiki… Ah, that’s so—” Fuck, it feels _so_ good. Kagami hugs onto him under the arms and moans, pressing his hips onto Aomine’s bottom, forcing his dick through the gap in his thighs, taught and firm and slicked by lotion and sweat. “You feel so good,” Kagami pants.

He pulls back, gasping, using one hand to press his dick against Aomine’s back, holding it down with his thumb and thrusting it back and forth, letting it slide between his asscheeks. Aomine lets out a hot breath, staying quiet, head in a pillow. Fuck, even just watching it is getting him there— “That’s so hot,” Kagami breathes, fucking himself on Aomine’s leg, his back, his butt. Maybe it feels so fucking amazing because it’s like pretend sex. Or play sex. Or practice sex. It's like _something—_ It feels so close to what he thinks the real thing must be like—

When he goes, he moans it into Aomine’s shoulder and then rolls off of him. He runs his hand down Aomine's spine until it lands in the cum pooling in the small of his back. Kagami smiles, heaving for breath, and pets Aomine’s back. Aomine picks his head up and scoots towards him an inch or two. He looks a little embarrassed, but when he manages to raise his eyes, he smiles at the sight of Kagami all laid out, winded and limp.

“You,” Kagami gasps, “You wanna’ do it to me?” Aomine nods, and smirks in the dark. Kagami grins back, legs apart so Aomine can fuck him on his back.

“Hey you’re right,” Kagami rasps, holding onto Aomine’s shoulders once he moves between his thighs. He looks a bit more confident once he settles there. They fit together surprisingly well. Aomine's hips slot snugly inbetween his legs, punching the air out of him as he thrusts away and rocks the bed like they’re actually doing it— 

“Sumata is pretty amazing!” he pants, breath cut off every time his body rocks. Aomine picks his head up from nibbling on his ear and jaw.

“This is not sumata, I told you it’s the legs!” He coughs when Kagami hugs him tight, crushing him back into place. Kagami feels raw from friction, Aomine’s dick jutting and rubbing at his sensitive parts as he bangs away, but he’s so turned on he could cum from anything, his cock pulses and his asshole throbs, and his heart beats— “The _legs,_ Kagami, of course you think it’s amazing, because you got to do it and I’m not, unless I flip you and shut you up!”

“Hey, you talked!” Kagami teases gleefully, and Aomine pretends to pout, but he catches him smiling.

It’d be great. To stay like this forever.

_I love this guy, I love this guy, I love this guy—_

. . .

Kagami gets there at the appointed time, and inexplicably, when he sees that face he’d used to love, he feels a yank in his gut, and immediately realizes that this was a mistake. He shouldn’t have come. 

“Taiga.”

“Hey,” Kagami greets uncomfortably.

“You actually came. I wasn’t sure you would.”

Kagami grimaces, sitting down on the other side of the bench. He thinks it’s better if he just finds out what he wants and then leaves as soon as possible. “If you wanted to talk, then talk.”

“I wanted to clear the air. It wasn’t right the way we left things.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s a lot I wish I hadn’t done,” Hitoshi admits, twiddling his thumbs. He looks okay. Kagami doesn't know what he'd expected him to look like, but he doesn't look like a bad guy or... or disheveled or however a drunk monster should look. He looks the way he did when Kagami had used to love him. He looks the way Kagami remembers him. Before everything.

“... I’m sure we both feel that way.” Kagami swallows. It’s true, there’s a lot he still feels guilty about and wishes he could have done differently. Questions he still asks himself every day.

But he hadn’t expected him to say it like that.

“... Yeah,” he agrees slowly.

“I just thought we should clear the air about what happened between us.” Kagami closes his eyes. He should have expected this. It’s a little late for Hitoshi to come around wanting to apologize for everything he did, but part of him feels intensely relieved. Like after all this time, it’s some assurance to Kagami that it really wasn’t his fault. That’s all he’s been waiting for.

“Look, it’s okay—” Kagami starts, but then trails off when Hitoshi surprises him.

“I overreacted, yeah, but you need to look at it from my perspective too.”

“...” Kagami swallows, and just stares at him for a long time. "What?" he finally hears himself say, his pulse starting to pound hard in his throat and his head, his face flushing hot. His brow furrows. He can't breathe. "... What?" he rasps again, feeling his heart drop lower and lower.

“It wasn’t fair of you to date me when you knew you already had feelings for someone else,” Hitoshi says, as though that’s obvious and Kagami’s silly for even being surprised he’d bring it up. “You let me eat myself alive from wondering. I felt like a total chump.”

Kagami stares, flicking from eye to eye, swallowing hard.

“You should’ve told me from the start that there was someone else, Taiga. Whatever I did wrong, it wasn’t all on me. Did you expect me _not_ to be mad?”

He starts to breathe harder, and manages to find his voice. His whole body feels sick with pain, heart plunging through the floor.

“You were wrong. I never did anything to be ashamed of when we were dating. I never betrayed you,” Kagami rasped out. “So don’t put your jealous crazy bullshit on me.”

“It’s not like I was wrong though. I was right. I was right to be suspicious.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t deserve what you did.” It's so hard to insist, so hard to believe it when he feels about two inches tall.

“You're not still upset over that,” Hitoshi laughs. “I didn’t even mess you up any worse than you and Aomine fought when we met.”

“That was different,” he rasps weakly.

"Why," Hitoshi demands.

“Because—" Kagami flounders. He just looks so derisive. So dismissive. "You weren’t supposed to hurt me. I was supposed to be able to trust you.”

“Oh whatever. C’mon Taiga, even _I’m_ not still pissed about Aomine beating my ass. Let it go already.”

Kagami let his head fall into his palms, exhaling slowly. It feels like it always did when they were together. He’d come to Hitoshi about some grievance, and he’d leave the argument having apologized himself, feeling like a crazy person, feeling like the bad guy, feeling like he didn’t even know his own thoughts and feelings.

“I really loved you,” Hitoshi says quietly. “Still do.”

Kagami lets out a long sigh, closing his eyes behind the cover of his hands. “Hitoshi,” he starts.

“Did you ever love me.”

“Hitoshi, what’s the point of this.” He looks up, weary and exhausted. He shouldn’t have come here. They’re not getting back together and if they were supposed to mend the wounds between them, Kagami’s only feeling worse than he’d felt this morning, when he still had all these questions.

“Was I just some ploy to make him jealous all along?”

“No,” he denies, even though he doesn’t think he owes Hitoshi an answer. He doesn't owe Hitoshi anything that will help him justify what he did at Akashi’s party when he’d thought he caught them cheating.

“Well it sure worked like a charm, didn’t it.” His voice is sharp and hard with hurt.

“I told you I’m sorry.”

Hitoshi stares at him for a long time. And finally he smirks.

“Is it fun to play stupid? Must be nice, dangling a guy in my face for months and then acting like you don't what went wrong. Man, Aomine's got his work cut out for him, doesn't he. You're something else, Taiga.”

Kagami clenches his hands into balls, the fists quaking. It’s always like this. Being patient and gentle and apologetic about his faults because he expected Hitoshi would treat him the same way, but instead— instead Kagami's just left feeling completely crushed. Crushed and misunderstood.

“I’m tired of getting treated like I was the bad guy in our relationship. I’m not proud of what I did, but I wasn’t all to blame for how things ended up,” Hitoshi says, accusatory. “You led me on.”

Kagami finally bursts, getting worked up. “You made me feel crazy! You-you—” He can’t even speak he’s so upset. He doesn't have the words to express how he feels, the tangle of pain and confusion knotted up inside him. He’d never gotten the chance to really yell at Hitoshi, lose his temper and face the person who hurt him so deeply. 

“I tried my hardest for you and— and you threw it back at me and I felt like shit! All I did and it—”

“And it didn’t matter,” Hitoshi finishes, a grimace on his face. “How’s it feel.”

Kagami snaps to his feet, seething and looming over him. Hitoshi doesn’t match his temper, staring up at him mildly with a brow raised, as if to say, _you won’t do it—_

And Kagami can see this now for what it is. Hitoshi had done this all the time towards the end of their relationship, made Kagami constantly feel like the bad guy. The shortcoming. The one not trying hard enough. He’d pick and complain and criticize him and wait until Kagami’s patience eroded, waited until he was so distressed and upset that he’d finally react, finally lose his temper, finally raise his voice or show that the words were hurting— and the second he did any of that, Hitoshi would immediately back down.

It made Kagami feel like he was the one overreacting. He was the one starting the fight, being emotional, getting heated. It would leave him feeling incredibly ashamed. Like Hitoshi was the mature one who knew how to control himself and Kagami was just being a big jerk, a kid who was blowing up over nothing. He felt crazy— he felt stupid and mean. 

It’s so hard not to lose his temper. Wouldn’t it be better, if this time they got in a fight and Kagami fought back? If he finally hit back, if he finally hurt him back and made him feel just a little of what he’d done to him? Maybe then, whatever piece of Kagami that Hitoshi's holding hostage, maybe it will finally be set free—

Kagami glares down in his face, vibrating with rage. Hitoshi’s lip quivers in a snarl, body tense, and Kagami’s taken back to that night.

The split-second comprehension that Aomine was leaning in to kiss him out in the moonlight, and then he’s on the ground. Bleeding from the head, bleeding all over the place, laying there helpless and trying to crawl, dragging himself across the ground, looking absolutely—

He breaks the glass-like finish of the swimming pool with a tremendous crash and then hangs there under the surface like a corpse. The bubbles stop floating and the pool turns red. He’s not swimming back up.

Kagami feels that his heart is so broken that nothing more can be taken from him. That he can’t go lower.

And then Hitoshi turns his fists on him. Beats him. Hands around his throat, sending him into a pure animal panic— a panic that keeps him awake at night, the mere memory brings tears to his eyes—

Kagami balls up his fists and glares down at him, face red. Hitoshi looks up at him coolly, like he knows he won’t do it.

No. He can’t hit back. He can’t give him the satisfaction— of being no better than him.

“Whatever,” Kagami finally spits. “I don’t know why the fuck I even came here. You’re not gonna’ change.”

As he says the words, they sort of echo in his head and then set in. Something in him loosens, and then something suddenly hurts— _s_ _o desperately bad._

Because he must have hoped, hadn’t he. And now that hope is lost.

Hitoshi doesn’t say anything else to him, and Kagami turns his back on him and leaves him there. He doesn't look back even though the urge is overpowering. Maybe he'll see him looking after him, looking sorry, looking surprised or guilty or _something,_ but Kagami doesn't look.

He's not going back. He walks away. Closes up on that pain and the _whywhywhy,_ and puts it behind him.

He punches a wall.

He holds his phone to his face on his way home, and maybe this was his own fault for being stupid enough to go see his waste-of-time ex and really expect that he was going to get an apology, or closure, or peace, but he’s messed up over it, he's fucked up, so he calls his brother— 

He remembers how Tatsuya had reacted when he’d heard about what happened after his breakup. The fight in Akashi’s garden and then Hitoshi harassing him after a game, humiliating him in front of his team. Tatsuya was pissed. He's always been harsh when he gets pissed.

“I never liked him.”

“Tatsuya—”

“No, you listen Taiga—”

“Do we have to do this now,” Kagami had sighed.

“ _Yes.”_

He’s always burned hot. And when he gets mad on Taiga’s behalf, his anger has a tendency to make Kagami feel worse. When he’s trying to help, Kagami just ends up feeling stupid, but he knows his big brother is just upset that he’s been hurt. He's mad because he cares. He tries to keep that in mind, but it's hard sometimes.

“...” Kagami sighed and put a hand to his face. He picked his head up and glares back at Tatsuya. “What, so you saw it coming, is that what you wanna’ tell me?”

“Okay, you obviously don’t know when you’re being gaslit.”

Kagami ground his jaw back and forth. This isn’t what he needs right now. “Why, 'cause I’m too stupid?”

“No. ‘Cause you’re a genuine person and _you’d_ never think to play mind games on your own, so you wouldn’t assume someone else would have some weird ulterior motives when they do and say things to you.” Tatsuya glared him in both eyes. “Plus you’re too nice a guy. You believe the best of people and take them at face value.” He shook his head and looked out at the sunset. “When really, everything that guy did was—”

“Manipulation,” Kagami finished. "I know." He can see that now. At least, he can see it in the second half of their relationship. The first part had been good.

That’s what so hard to let go of. He can't help but feel… that he must have _made_ Hitoshi change. Maybe if he'd tried harder, put in more effort, been more affectionate. Maybe if things had been different… Maybe Hitoshi had only ever started acting like that when he’d started to feel second best. Whatever that moment was. 

Probably around the time Aomine had come back into his life after their falling out.

And here he is now, clenching his jaws together and wandering the city in the evening, staring at the sky and not seeing anything. Maybe he hasn’t learned a goddamn thing— 

“I don’t know where I went wrong,” he says over the line. “I dunno’ how he could make such a one-eighty. He was such a nice guy…”

“Yeah. Nice,” Tatsuya replies sarcastically. “Except when he wasn’t— and if this is the part where you cut in and defend him or make excuses, then just do us both a favor and _shut up,_ Taiga." Kagami grit his teeth.

When he doesn’t answer, Tatsuya’s temper builds. “He invited you today to _fuck_ with you. God damnit, he's still doing the same shit, Taiga, how do you not know that by now?" he demands, and Kagami grinds his teeth back and forth. 

"I saw the way he was with you,” Tatsuya raises his voice, as if to make him listen. “He’d pull you around on a string, up and down, up and down, waiting for you to bite so he could start yelping and play the victim—" 

“Yeah look, I know, I fucking see that now.” Kagami rubs his bangs off his forehead, because this isn’t the kind of comfort he was looking for, he’d just wanted to talk about it, but everytime he does, Tatsuya just gets furious along with him— 

“It was hard to know what to do in the moment. I liked him okay? I didn’t know what I was supposed to do,” he blurts, then just... deflates.

"You should've put your foot down the first time he started yanking your chain."

“I know. I sure as hell would do things differently now.”

“So why did you go back,” Tatsuya pinpoints coldly. Kagami stops, mouth open, staring forward.

He grits his teeth, grips the phone. “Taiga, wait, I didn't—” 

Then hangs up.

  


All he wants is to get home so he can be alone, _be alone and hide away until he can pull himself together,_ but by the time he gets there, Aomine is already there waiting for him and it just serves to pack the pressure tighter within him, because the last thing he wants to do is talk about this with Aomine. He’s not sure how he’s going to get through this evening without a meltdown, but he knows he has to. Just a little longer.

“Welcome back,” Aomine greets from the sofa, but Kagami kicks the door shut and sequesters himself in the kitchen. Aomine frowns and cranes his neck curiously. “You okay?” he calls.

“Fine,” Kagami says shortly.

“Oh.” He knows Aomine’s lingering in the kitchen doorway, watching him, but he doesn’t turn around. He clenches his fist, cracking the crusted blood on his knuckles. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Dinner will be ready in an hour.” 

Aomine’s quiet for a minute. _Go away. Just go away,_ Kagami begs. He turns on the sink. Rinses his hands. Rummages in some drawers and pretends to ignore Aomine, pretends he can't feel his eyes on the back of his head.

“Okay,” Aomine finally says, and goes and watches some TV. Kagami braces himself on the counter and lets out a slow breath.

Cry. Just cry already.

He can’t get a reprieve. He's never been good at faking stuff. Maybe his jaw's too tight, or he's too quiet, his brow too heavy, but he knows he's not fooling Aomine even a little bit. When they're done eating, he can feel Aomine's eyes on him again, suspicious and confused.

He ignores it for as long as possible until Aomine starts petting on his leg affectionately. Kagami chews slower, putting his chopsticks down. He wants to be alone. He feels rotten. Just rotten.

“You okay?” He sounds so goddamn concerned and it just makes Kagami’s insides start to boil. It’s not like Aomine at all to be concerned. It's rare that he tries that hard to be nice. He must look really messed up. Fuck, he just wants to move on from this. There’s no point rehashing it all again.

“I already said I’m fine,” Kagami shrugs off.

“You’re not _acting_ fine.”

“Oh my god, just get off my case.” His outbursts just make Aomine pester him harder, his brow furrowing deeply with suspicion. 

“Did something happen?”

“Who says something happened,” Kagami denies.

“Well I don’t see what I did for you to bite my head off for no reason.” Kagami puts his face in his hands and takes a slow breath. He’s right. He didn’t do anything. He’s not mad at Aomine, really. He doesn’t know why he’s even yelling at him. Kagami just needs a minute to get it under control.

“Kagami?” A warm hand on his shoulder does him in. “What the fuck is the matter with—”

“I ran into Hitoshi today.” He just spits it out, fed up. Get it over with. This day has already been shit, he might as well have a fight with his boyfriend too.

“What?” Aomine’s instantly mad, as expected. Kagami just stares with his jaw clenched. He just wants to get this over with. Skip to the end. “When? Are you okay?”

“This afternoon.”

“You just ran into him?”

“No.”

“What does that mean? He found you?” Kagami’s jaw tenses even tighter and Aomine’s expression goes dark. He seems unsatisfied with his lack of reaction. “What, you— Wait, you saw him on purpose? Why would you _do_ that?”

“I didn’t, he’s the one texting me!” he finally shouts, and fuck, now they’re fighting. Great.

“What?! Kagami, Jesus—” Aomine’s looking at him like he’s gone crazy. Kagami puts his face in his hands, scrubs, bleeding knuckles. Cry. Just cry already— 

“Why didn’t you mention this before?”

Aomine is incensed. His eyes are fierce, his teeth are bared and he looks wild, like the night he beat Hitoshi to a pulp, screaming his head off and wailing on him, punching him in the head until he stopped fighting back— like he wants to rip into him all over again for hurting Kagami— because he thinks Kagami deserves protection. He thinks he's worthy of being defended. He doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know Kagami brought this all on himself.

“How long, then?” Kagami grits his teeth and grinds his jaw, trying to keep the lid on, but Aomine keeps pushing, enraged and animated.

“ _How long?!_ Why aren’t you saying anything! How long has he been bothering you, god damnit!” Aomine yells. Kagami’s quiet, so Aomine growls in a furious burst, whipping around and punching the sofa cushions, rips at his hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before!”

“There was no need,” Kagami grits out. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big-” Aomine tries to make him look at him. Incredulous. Furious. _“Kagami!”_

“I’m FINE!” Kagami screams— _screams._

He stands there and heaves for breath, in and out, shoulders shaking. Aomine’s just staring at him in silence, looking surprised, mouth open. Kagami wipes at his face. Tries to breathe through his nose, but it’s too wet. 

It hurts. It feels so bad. The guilt. The shame.

Because maybe all this time he’s been ignoring his texts, feeling guilty for thinking of him and of his memories of him, good and bad, he’s kept the dark thoughts at bay by telling himself he didn’t have a right to be traumatized or sad. Not after months have passed. Because it’s not like he’d been _abused—_

To Kagami, abuse happens in movies, drunk fathers looming in the shadows and terrorizing their helpless families. _Women_ get abused. Battered wives. Tiny, timid girlfriends. Kagami _couldn’t_ have been abused. He was too strong, a big sturdy boy. And if he'd gotten hurt, then it must've been because he'd allowed it.

He’d been able to defend himself and had chosen not to fight back. He’d chosen to go back after all of it— this afternoon, the pain and distress it had caused him, he’d brought that on himself. Because if _he's_ been abused then he's worse than defenseless. He's let it happen. He could’ve told Hitoshi to fuck off and then forgotten about him. But he couldn’t forget. Why can’t he just forget and walk away.

He’d just wanted an answer. _You took something from me. You scarred me—why? Why?_

_Did… did you really abuse me? If you did, then why don’t you feel sorry? And why do I still think of the good times when you hurt me so bad? Why do you still haunt me when my life is a thousand times better without you, now that I have Aomine?_

If he was really abused, then why does he feel in some tiny corner of his heart that he’s brought it on himself, that it’s his own fault for _missing_ Hitoshi in some small way even though he’d made him feel so horrible. Why had he felt compelled to go back? Was it to prove something? To deny that tiny little thing in his heart of hearts that still wonders how it went so wrong, what did I do— 

_Am I always going to wonder?_

Maybe there are no answers. And he has to keep going even if he never gets them. That’s the hard part. Realizing that he’s not as strong as he thinks he is. It was all a facade, and after a time he’d even learned to fool himself.

"I'm sorry I kept it a secret," he rasps. "I just didn't want to tell you. I just..." He just hadn't wanted Aomine to know how pathetic he could be.

He hangs his head and wipes his eyes. “It’s not like I want to think about him,” he croaks. “Sometimes I still do even though I don’t _want_ to.” He clenches his hands in and out, hanging there at his sides. “Where he is. What he’s doing. If he still thinks about us. If he— if he ever felt bad about what he did at all. He just kept trying to talk to me and I… I guess it just made me wonder.”

It would have been easier to just walk away. Leave those regrets behind and forget those questions. It’s how he’s always dealt with grief. All this time he’s been told he was mature for coping so well with loss, _his mother’s dead and yet he’s so well adjusted,_ but now he wonders. Had it been maturity, or had it been the shock of losing Mom that had made him shut off. Had he been so traumatized that he’d never even learned how to grieve.  
  
Letting go of attachments and moving on in life without feeling bogged down by the people he’s lost, the friends he’s said goodbye to, it had become so easy, because it’s easier to let that sorrow roll off his back, it’s easier to shut off his grief than to dwell on what he’s left behind.

He thinks of going to college and not seeing Kuroko again, his team, his friends, and feels it rip into him. He thinks of Aomine trying to make him confess, thinking he was going to lose him if he admitted to loving him, feeling utterly desperate because he knew, he knew this time he couldn’t walk away and feel nothing if he lost him— 

He thinks of Hitoshi saying _how’s it feel_ and realizing _he’s not going to change,_ and Kagami feels utterly broken.

“I thought he would say sorry,” Kagami admits. He stares at the floor, the life seeping out of him. “I really thought—”

Aomine takes a step towards him. Then another. “Aomine, I—” he croaks, face crumpling up, pink and ugly. Aomine puts his arms around him and hugs him. He can feel his hand on the back of his head, bringing it to his shoulder. He’s being rocked side to side. He’s… he’s crying.

“He didn’t deserve to tie your fucking shoelaces,” Aomine whispers, and Kagami tears up, mouth contorting. 

He sniffs hard and screws his eyes shut and Daiki sways with him, quiet and steady as Kagami's breath hiccups and hitches. He hugs him, hugs him, hugs him, mouth in his hair. 

“Daiki?” he croaks.

“Mm.”

“I wanna’ play basketball,” Kagami breathes. Curls his fingertips into Aomine’s arms and holds onto him. Don’t let go of me— 

Aomine looks up at the clock on the wall. “It’s late. You sure?” Kagami nods. Doesn’t pick his head up. Aomine seems to consider, and then mutters, “Okay. Get your shoes.”

 _I loveyou i loveyoulove love you i love you I love youlove you love you i love—_  
  


Aomine doesn’t bring it up for the rest of the night. Takes him out onto the court and gets bitten up by mosquitos and plays in the humid summer night. Matches his fervor even though Kagami's plays are wild and sloppy, a mind strained with exhaustion and hurt. Aomine lets Kagami take out his aggression and anger on him, his basketball is vicious, and Aomine is like he always is, looks at Kagami like a shining star— 

“I heard Aomine beat him up,” Tatsuya had said, when Hitoshi has humiliated him and the relationship has left him and Aomine has come to prod his broken heart and Kagami can’t get lower. The week after Aomine had realized Kagami loved him, tried to make him admit it.

“He did,” Kagami said.

“Taiga.” Tatsuya’s tone made him look up. “You’ve always been way braver than I have. Don’t hold yourself back because you’re afraid.”

At the time, he'd thought Tatsuya was telling him to move on, but looking back, he'd probably been talking about Aomine. Some encouragement to confess to him. Kagami wonders when Tatsuya had figured out that he loved him.

They play and they play, they play until a wheeze is rattling in Aomine’s chest and Kagami’s knees feel like sand. Sweat has soaked his clothes and washed away the tear-tracks. It’s Kagami’s win. The ball goes through the net and Aomine lets the ball bounce, bounce, roll away. He walks to Kagami and kisses him.

Holds his face. Makes him feel just right, just the way he is, and for this wonderful heartbreaking moment, his guilt and regret fades away and he feels worthy— 

He hasn't felt worthy of anything in such a long time.

When Aomine takes him upstairs, back to the safety of his apartment, he kisses Kagami’s lips in the darkness of his home, and Kagami’s on him like a starving dog on roadkill. Pins him to his bed, uses his knee to force Aomine’s legs apart. He cups his face and kisses him hard, panting, pulling on his clothes frantically.

“Kagami,” Aomine rasps. “Hey.” Kagami pulls Aomine’s shirt up under his armpits, pushing his mouth onto his to quiet him. “What are you—” There’s an arm between them, prying him away.

Kagami holds himself there and pants, staring down at him, the passion leaving him like the bottom dropping out of a bucket of ice water. What _is_ he doing. Aomine’s looking up at him, and Kagami feels his eyes, heavy and cold, a shimmering bead dropping from one and then the other. He lifts his wrist and digs them into his eyesockets, sitting back on the mattress.

"Sorry," he gasps out. "I’m sorry, I dunno' what—"

“C’mere,” Aomine says. “C’mere. You’re okay.”

“Yeah,” he tries, but his voice cracks. His eyes are screwed shut. Aomine is holding him. Tucking his stiff, cringing body in against his.

“You’re okay.” Kagami nods and sniffs. Aomine pulls the blankets over them and kicks and kicks until their shorts shimmy down. He hugs Kagami and wraps their legs together, kisses his wet lashes and moves with him, puts Kagami to sleep, and when he sleeps, he dreams of a basketball game— 

He dozes and wakes a few times through the night. Aomine is wrapped through him, his hand laid on his cheek. And Kagami thinks that whatever he’s had to leave behind, however painful, it’s no big loss when he considers what has taken its place.

He loves this guy. He doesn’t think he’s loved anything more. Not Hitoshi. Not even basketball.

And some painful pinch loosens in his heart, and he finds solace and relief. Knowing that nightmare is over and that he can walk away from it for good like he’s walked away from everything else— it's more of a comfort than words can say.

It’s over. And it's sad to leave things behind. It's sad when things end. But the good part about walking away is beginning again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //hurriedly sniffs up tears// 
> 
> fu c k


	11. Chapter 11

“Kagami,” Aomine says to him one morning. “I wanna’ have sex with you.”

He swallows in return, meets Aomine’s quiet eyes, and feels his heart start to thump. “Yeah… me too.” Aomine’s face colors, but he smiles a little, seeming relieved to have it off his chest.

  
  


They spend that morning reading together on the internet, laying on Kagami’s bed crowded around his phone. Aomine looks really earnest as he reads, if a little apprehensive. Kagami's a little suspicious that he already seems to know the right articles to read ahead of time, but he's not complaining. “Looks… simple enough,” Kagami says hesitantly, and Aomine presses his lips together until they turn white.

They go to the corner drug store that afternoon for their supplies. In the end, Aomine gets all weird and goes and stands in the aisles while Kagami buys their condoms and the medical-grade lube Aomine had picked out. It is pretty awkward, and he finds he can’t make eye contact with the clerk as he hands over the money.

“We don’t have to do it like, _today,_ y'know,” Kagami raises as they walk home. Aomine looks both a million times better now that they’re resigned in their decision, but also, he looks sort of shaky. Kagami’s not one hundred percent certain that Aomine isn’t about to faint where he stands.

Aomine doesn’t reply.

“We can keep practicing,” Kagami tries again once they’re back in his apartment.

Aomine glares at him, and then shuts himself in the water closet. Kagami groans.

It figures Aomine’s just nervous or something. Kagami’s pretty hyped up too. It’s one thing to know you and your boyfriend are constantly getting each other off and to _imagine_ how awesome having real sex would be, but it’s another thing to actually go all the way. Kagami wants to try it, but part of him is afraid that he’ll mess it up. Kagami hasn’t done it before either. It’s probably going to hurt and then Aomine will get scared and won’t want to try again— he'll just have to try his best and err on the side of gentleness.

Speaking of, Aomine’s been in the toilet for a while. “You good in there?” Kagami calls, knocking on the door curiously. 

“Yeah.” Kagami shrugs, and goes and occupies himself elsewhere.

Kagami still thinks they need more practice. What else _could_ they need when Aomine still clearly is too freaked out to even think about enjoying it. It’s not like Kagami has unrealistic expectations for their first time, he knows it's not gonna' be super amazing, but he doesn’t think he wants to do it if Aomine is going to be hating it the whole time. But he doesn’t know how he’s going to get this guy to untwist. 

_‘Is this about the gay thing again?’_ Kagami wonders, mentally groaning. Based on what he’s learned until now, things are going to move really slowly until Aomine gets over whatever’s bothering him. Which is frustrating, because trying to help him just makes him close up even tighter. He has to wait till Aomine works it out on his own.

Aomine’s still just chilling in the fucking toilet. It’s nearing on half an hour now. That's enough waiting. “What are you doing?” Kagami knocks on the door and then cracks it open. Aomine’s in there, sitting down, pants pushed to his knees. He’s on his phone and one eye is glaring up at Kagami. 

Aomine clearly didn’t even go. He’s just sitting in here. Kagami opens the door wider.

“Are you gonna’ come out soon?”

“Fuck you, I’m cool.” Kagami shuts the door.

“Does your stomach hurt or something? I can bring you water—”

“No. Leave me _alone.”_

“You’re being weird,” Kagami notes. “Why are you being weird?”

“Kagami, fuck off, I’m doing what I’m supposed to do,” Aomine shouts through the door.

“Oh,” Kagami says, and stands there for a silent beat, feeling a shiver of anticipation, because that means he’s getting ready for— Then he blinks, shaking it off as he realizes, “Wait, are you just going to sit in there all day until—”

“Leave. Me. _Alone.”_

“Ugh. Whatever. Come out when you’re done being a baby.”

  
  
  
  


. . .

They make plans for Aomine to come over for the whole weekend. They’ve practiced a couple more times and have had successes, so they decide that Friday is the day. 

Kagami’s been antsy all day. He’s sweating like crazy. Why the fuck is he sweating so much? He’s gone through a shitton of baby powder because he’s already showered once today and yet his balls are sweating enough that he’s worried he’s going to stink. He’s only wearing shorts and underwear, how is he getting this hot?

His best bet is probably to just scrub himself all over one more time in the evening, powder the fuck out of his shit, and then hope he doesn’t smell like gym sock when they do it—

When he hears a hesitant knock on the door, he hurriedly pulls his shorts back up from where he’d been standing in front of the oscillating fan, trying to dry out. “It’s open!”

Aomine comes in looking apprehensive. Kagami gulps as they make eye contact. They're gonna' lose their virginity tonight.

“I’m back,” Aomine mumbles.

“Welcome back—” 

They could get started now. But they probably won’t. Maybe that’s what makes them kids. Some part of Kagami instinctively feels like that kind of stuff has to happen in his room, at nighttime, even though there’s nothing stopping them from doing it now, just after lunch. Part of him wishes it would just get dark already, because he doesn’t think he can take much more buildup. Another part is glad for the excuse to put it off a little longer.

“So, uh…” Kagami rubs the back of his neck. Aomine tosses his bag onto the couch and braces his feet like he’s expecting Kagami to pounce on him right there and needs to steel himself to face down a hungry beast. 

“Look, I dunno’ how to go about this,” he sighs honestly. “... Why don’t we just do what we normally do and then… let it happen.”

Aomine nods, and relaxes a little. The idea of a delay seems like a relief to him too. A little more time to mentally prepare. “... Want to play basketball then?” he suggests hesitantly. Kagami grins. 

“Only if you’re ready to lose.”

They play basketball for a couple of hours and loosen up and Kagami’s balls sweat some more, but they start to settle down again once they head back to Kagami’s place to eat dinner and bathe. They both know what comes next.

Kagami soaps himself all over, getting really good between his legs and under his dick. He sniff-checks his pits until he’s feeling fresher, and he washes his hair until it lays flat and silky under the spray. 

Aomine showered first while Kagami did the dishes. He wonders if he’s been thinking the same things he has, or worrying, or lying awake at night feeling excited and scared. He wonders if, when he was in here just before Kagami, he’d thought about these same things, if he’d done exactly what Kagami was doing now.

He rubs soap on his fingers and then eases them between his legs. He tries to relax, heart pounding. Not long now— 

He gets out and dries off, dressing in a t-shirt and boxers for sleep. He stands in front of the mirror and ruffles his hair up, then ruffles it down again. Up, down, maybe to the side, no, no, leave it— 

By now, Aomine would usually be complaining that he’s taking too long, but the bedroom is silent and dark. Kagami gulps, towel around his neck, and shuffles in. Dark eyes follow him. Kagami slowly moves across the room, then practically trips into bed, which makes Aomine snort.

“Clumsy.”

“Shut up,” he hisses, and then goes quiet.

It’s awkward. Why doesn’t this seem easy. It has been before, all the times he’s wanted so badly to put it in, all the times he’s laid in this very bed touching himself before going to sleep, thinking about having sex with his boyfriend— It had felt so natural. Why does it seem different now. 

Aomine seems like he’s waiting for him to take the lead, but Kagami feels out of his depth for a long second. “...” He glances up at him. Aomine’s giving him this look, so Kagami touches Aomine’s leg and squeezes, feeling up his thigh.

“So, uh… how do we do this?” Aomine mutters, hands fisted on top of his legs. He’s tense all over, leaning away slightly.

“Idiot,” Kagami scolds, maybe to build his confidence. Aomine scowls. “Like we always do. We’re just adding a step.”

“No! I meant like— should I lay on my back, or…”

“Oh.” Kagami gulps, shutting up. “Yeah. That’s fine,” he gets out.

“Your voice cracked,” Aomine teases, and Kagami goes blazing red. He can feel himself starting to sweat again already.

“Shut up!”

“Haaah, it did it again—”

“Shut up, you!” Kagami blurts, getting in his face with his teeth clenched. Aomine’s smiling. They’re nose to nose. Aomine pecks him on the lips.

Kagami swallows hard, leaning into the space Aomine makes when he leans back on his hands, letting Kagami approach and crawl up onto the bed towards him, on top of him. Aomine holds himself up on his palms and Kagami scoots in, seating himself just above Aomine's knees. Aomine accepts another kiss, tilting his head and letting their tongues meet. Kagami’s starting to get hard— it happens so fast— 

Kagami pulls back and takes his shirt over his head. He swallows and tries to ignore the way Aomine stares up at him, tight-lipped and silent, wide-eyed as he exposes himself, pulling his underwear down. Kagami’s palms are sweating. This is surprisingly way more embarrassing than he’d thought it would be. He wishes Aomine would crack another joke.

Aomine picks his arms up and lets Kagami take his shirt off for him. Kagami pulls it over his head, careful of his ears, and he kisses him when he makes it out. Kisses his mouth, the side of his face, scoots towards him until their bare chests meet. He can feel Aomine’s hands come around him, loosely linking at the small of his back.

Aomine looks nervous. Kagami’s a little nervous too.

“Kagami?” he murmurs, low and small as Kagami presses his body into him. Aomine moves back, legs parting tentatively, a little shy to let him in. He lays back, knees apart for Kagami to lay between, one elbow holding himself up. 

“Yeah?” Kagami scoots in between his spread thighs and peels his underwear down. When he gets them off Aomine’s ankles, his legs try to snap shut, but they can’t with Kagami kneeling there between them— 

Aomine puts a hand over his lap, resting it there as Kagami reaches for the tube of lubricant they picked, squeezing the corner to push out some gel to wet his fingers. He keeps it there as Kagami tentatively feels between his legs, smooths the pads of his fingers over his asshole, clenched up in fright.

Even though they’ve practiced this quite a few times now, Aomine’s face is starting to look pale. He’s so stressed out that he’s completely soft.

Aomine sits up a little more, one arm hugging Kagami around his neck. Kagami kisses his face, blood burning, the heat going to his head too fast. They’re naked together and his erection fits right between Aomine’s asscheeks. He gets this wild thought of a hotdog slotting into a bun—

“Is it gonna’ hurt?” Aomine rasps. “Is… is it safe?” He can barely talk, distress making his voice tight and short.

“We’ve got the condoms.” Kagami tries to sound calm. Getting excited will only get Aomine more freaked out. "Here. Let's open it—" Kagami sits back, making room for Aomine to push himself up.

They fiddle with the box and take one out. They're individually packaged in little plastic tubs, each with an aluminum peel tab. Kagami peels the top open and they look at it. It looks slimy. Aomine pokes at the little wet rubber ring with his fingertip, and it kind of slides around in the slime. It’s supposed to be the clear kind, but the rubber looks sort of whiteish yellow. Kagami fishes it out and pinches the little nub shape at the top, heart pounding in his throat as he tries to fit the slippery ring over the head of his dick— “Oh, it’s inside out… Wait, no… this way. Fuck.”

“No, you had it,” Aomine says. “Look, it unrolls this way. No, flip it around, that’s inside-out.”

His hands are fumbling and shaking. It unrolled in his hand too much and now he can’t get it. His fingertips are too big and clumsy. “Shit. It’s messed up, get another one…”

“You’re wasting them,” Aomine hisses half-heartedly, but he opens up another of the plastic containers, peeling the lid for him with equally shaky fingers.

“Sorry, geez!” Kagami holds the tip once he gets it in the right spot, and then rolls down the rest with his fist. Aomine grips his dick curiously, feeling it in the rubber casing. Kagami sighs out a moan, letting him play with his cock for a second. 

“Huh… I thought it’d feel like a dildo or something. But it’s kind of like skin. Kind of.”

“Well yeah, it’s still me,” Kagami replies, whispering back instinctively because Aomine keeps whispering too. “I dunno’ how it’ll feel on the inside, but you probably won’t know the difference.”

Aomine’s neck contorts as he tries to swallow. He’s looking really scared now.

“Should we use two?” he suggests, sounding breathy and halfway hysterical. His eyes meet Kagami’s and he looks so young and frightened in that moment that Kagami feels his throat tighten. He wants him to wear two condoms stacked. “… Just in case?”

“No, just one.” Aomine nods, breathing shallow and unsteady. Kagami swallows. He should try and comfort him.

“I’ll be really careful,” Kagami says, trying to sound reassuring. He pets Aomine’s arm a little, fitting their bodies closer together. Aomine eases down and lays there stiff as a board, thighs digging into Kagami’s sides, squeezed shut around him as tight as he possibly can. “I’ll be careful, I promise,” he repeats, and Aomine nods, swallowing and laying still. Kagami can see the pulse pounding in his neck.

“If it hurts, we can stop.” Aomine meets his eye, looking dubious and a bit desperate. “We can stop and try again later.”

Kagami doesn’t know much more about any of this than Aomine does, but he knows that if it hurts, that means it’s bad. It’s not supposed to hurt. Only thing is, he’s not confident enough in his skill that he’ll be able to do it without it hurting.

“Go slow,” Aomine grits out, like it pains him to say it. “I’ve never done it before,” he breathes through clenched jaws, head turned to the side on the pillow. Like they don’t full well know that they’re both virgins. 

“I will—”

It takes forever.

He fingers Aomine until his hand's cramping and he feels like his dick will explode. They kiss, and Kagami jerks Aomine's sad half-chub off while he moves his fingers inside him. He feels like he’s not making any progress. Every time he takes his hand out, Aomine’s body tightens right back up. 

Aomine has a serious cold sweat going. He’s laying there panting, gone completely flaccid again. Kagami feels uneasy— this isn’t working.

“Do you… you wanna’ stop?” Aomine shakes his head, looking pitiful. Kagami sits back. He’s only got one other idea.

“How 'bout I go first instead.” Aomine looks up, swallowing hard, and then nods.

They switch positions. Aomine peels himself off the bed and Kagami lays down in the damp sweaty hollow where Aomine was. Aomine kneels at his side, some color returning to his face as he puts lube on his hand. His breathing is slowing. Sweat runs down his neck. He’s still not getting hard. Kagami feels bad he didn’t stop it sooner, he looks awful— if Aomine was that scared, he shouldn’t have been making himself go through with it in the first place— 

When Aomine puts his fingers in, Kagami starts feeling nervous too. He closes his eyes and breathes out slowly as Aomine’s fingers push in and out, twisting and pulling him apart. It doesn’t hurt, and he thinks he’s relaxing pretty well, but his stomach is starting to flutter. What if he’s not doing as great a job as he thinks and when Aomine goes to put it in, it really hurts?

“Okay,” Kagami says, “Okay, I think it’s ready. Put it on.”

Aomine stares at him like he doesn't know what he means for a second, and then jolts. He fumbles to get a condom. Kagami sits up and watches as he grits his teeth and jerks himself, trying to get hard. “... Sorry, one sec... Lemme' just...” Kagami lays there and breathes with his eyes shut. It takes Aomine a minute before he’s stiff enough to put the condom on.

He’s starting to look pretty excited. Kagami’s heart is pounding too as Aomine scoots closer. It feels amazing the way Aomine’s hips slot between his legs, it’s the perfect fit. They hold onto each other. Kagami puts his arms around Aomine’s shoulders and they both look down between them when Aomine puts his arm down to hold his dick straight, fumbling between their legs and pointing himself towards Kagami.

Kagami exhales when Aomine presses his body forward, forcing his cock against his asshole. Aomine fumbles and pauses when it doesn’t go in. “It’s not—” Aomine grits his teeth, face against Kagami’s. He pulls back a second to look at what he’s doing, and then tries again, laying his weight into Kagami. “It’s not gonna’ fit—”

“It is, just push it in,” Kagami says through gritted teeth, trying not to clench. He can relax for a few seconds at a time but then his body tightens up in short bursts, keeping Aomine out.

Aomine pushes until the pressure reaches a certain point and then he stops, maybe thinking that he’s pushing too hard. “Isn’t it supposed to just go in?”

“You have to make it,” Kagami manages

“I don’t wanna’ _make_ it, you’re supposed to _let_ me in,” Aomine pants accusingly. “I thought you said you were ready.”

“I am, quit being a chicken-shit and—” Kagami gasps when Aomine screws up his face and spitefully shoves as hard as he dares, and the head breaches. Aomine gasps too, like he didn’t expect that to happen as fast as it did. Once it pops inside, it’s like Kagami’s body swallows the rest of him, lubed up enough that he just sinks and sinks all the way to the bottom.

Aomine’s inside him— he feels stretched farther than he’d thought he could go, but it doesn’t hurt. He thinks it could hurt if he tried to clench, but he’s too full of Aomine to squeeze down. He just lays there and tries to breathe past the way it feels like their hearts have moved down there where they’re connected, his pulse pounding heavy and hard.

“Oh wow,” he breathes. Aomine lays on top of him, holding absolutely still, quivering at every joint. He’s really hard now, swelling up inside Kagami until it feels like a rock, stiff and unbendable. 

“Fuck,” he gasps. “We did it.” He slaps at Aomine’s back. “Daiki, you got it.”

“Whoa,” Aomine chokes out into his ear, pressing against him. Kagami moans. Holy shit, there’s so much more pressing on his prostate than when he does it with his fingertips. His entire body is tingling. The friction of Aomine’s stomach sliding across his aching cock makes him pant and squirm. He would try to jerk himself off if he didn’t think he’d cum right away.

“This is awesome,” Aomine whispers, holding onto him as he starts to move, slow and curious, body trembling. “It’s sucking me in.” He wiggles around for an angle where his hips have more mobility instead of just laying flat on Kagami and squirming his body weight around on him. Kagami figures his job is mostly just to hang onto him and receive, so he hugs Aomine’s neck and pants and sweats into the bed.

Aomine thrusts on him for a couple minutes and Kagami pants in his ear and lets him clumsily shove away until he starts to gasp and fall apart. “Wait—” Kagami tries, “Wait, pull out,” he tries to tell him, patting at his shoulder, but it’s too late. When Aomine cums, he seizes up against him and keens. Kagami lays there and heaves. Aomine just keeps hugging him, panting and sagging.

A hot clumsy hand pets Kagami’s cheek. "Fuck," Aomine gasps. "Fuck, that was... Shit."

“You’re supposed to take it out,” Kagami breathes, winded.

“Oh,” Aomine pants back, a crease between his brow.

“Don't cum inside just 'cause there’s a condom.”

“I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” he says when Aomine’s face twists with dread. “Remember next time. Hold onto it when you take it out.”

Aomine drags them apart and Kagami feels his body stay open for a second, like it had gotten used to hugging Aomine and doesn’t know what to do now that he’s not there suddenly. Aomine pants and sits there next to him, fuck, he's glowing, and for a second, Kagami felt overcome with this wave of affection for him. Wants to cuddle on him if he didn’t feel so hot all over.

He’s not a virgin anymore. He doesn’t feel that different actually. Just happy. Tingly all over. And hyped for his turn—

“Now me,” he breathes, scrambling up like he has to hurry before Aomine comes to his senses and gets freaked out again. 

Aomine doesn’t fight. He lets Kagami shove him down, flings his arm over his face, still panting and shaking all over, body lax with exhaustion. He lets Kagami kiss his mouth, sloppy and excited. Kagami tries again, putting his fingers in, and hurries to get a condom on again.

“Ready?” Kagami rasps, and Aomine manages a nod, hugging a pillow to his face when Kagami tries to put it in. It’s harder than he expected. Aomine’s body fights him, but the more he presses, thrusting and nudging on his asshole more and more, he starts to open up, letting Kagami ease inside. _Fuck,_ it’s so amazing— The pressure hugging his cock is tight, but the flesh is so warm and tender. It went in, he’s having sex with Aomine— wow, it’s so—

“Ohh,” he sighs, pushing in as far as he can, his dick twitching. The pleasure is a sweet wave that demands he move, create friction, thrust away and get more _—_

“Oh… Daiki… You feel so good,” he breathes in amazement as he moves his hips, sliding his cock in and out the inch or so that the angle allows. “Fuck, that feels so good,” he sighs out, moaning.

Aomine glares up at him, teary-eyed and sulky, hugging a pillow to hide his red face.

 _‘He’s mad,’_ Kagami notes. He looks embarrassed, and maybe in some pain. But not scared. Not anymore.

He should probably hurry it up. Kagami hugs onto him, moaning in Aomine’s ear, kissing and licking at his neck and thrusting on him with absolutely zero finesse. Ah shit, he’s sweating like a fucking _pig,_ it’s absolutely _dripping_ off of him, and Aomine’s probably grossed out by how wet Kagami’s stomach is, how his bangs stick to his drenched forehead. He’s so pent up and his blood is blazing with so much excitement that he can only hold it for about a minute before he pulls back in a panic just in time to cum into the condom, hand jerking himself off the rest of the way through his orgasm. 

Aomine lays there trembling, looking stunned, and after two breaths, he promptly rolls over onto his stomach, limbs an uncoordinated flail, head shoved in the pillow.

Kagami peels the condom off and throws it away and then sits down on the bed next to him. He doesn’t know what to do exactly… What’s with this atmosphere?

He puts a hand on Aomine’s back, but he doesn’t move or speak, shoulders tight.

 _‘Oh,’_ Kagami realizes, and cuddles up next to him, leaving him alone. Aomine is as stiff as a board. Kagami kisses the back of his neck and head, snuggling close and letting his eyes close. He feels like all the energy has left his body, completely wrung out.

Aomine keeps hiding his head in his arms, but he does put his hand onto Kagami's and holds it. Kagami smiles and squeezes back. 

They just had sex. It feels strange to be lying here together after their first time. Is he supposed to feel grown up? Or stronger. Or smarter. Or better? He doesn’t. Maybe he thought he'd feel regret or guilt, but he doesn't, he just feels... peaceful.

Laying next to Aomine, naked and dozing. Aomine finally shifts and puts an arm around him. Kagami picks his head up to accommodate him, humming sleepily and hugging him. 

Ahh, he loves this guy.


	12. Chapter 12

After they have sex the first time on Friday night, they do it again on Saturday. And again on Sunday afternoon. And Sunday night. And all day Wednesday— 

Even though Kagami doesn’t get another chance to be on top, he finds he enjoys receiving a lot too, especially considering they’ve improved immensely since their first try, which seemed like a disaster in retrospect. 

Aomine’s got his self-confidence back, for one thing. He’s got the cocky smug look of a teenager who hadn’t deserved to lose his virginity before age twenty. Kagami wants to stick it in again and wipe that look off his face but he’s not that mean.

A few days of experience aside, they still make mistakes though.

For instance.

Aomine’s got Kagami on his back. Since the first couple times they’d started to have sex and then practiced trying to have _enjoyable_ sex— which lasted longer than five minutes and was satisfying for both of them, all three of which are criteria they’re working on— they’ve tried a few different positions by now as Aomine got more adventurous, but face to face has turned out to be the easiest so far.

Kagami’s moaning in Aomine’s ear, Aomine’s humming in enjoyment and fucking him as hard as he dares — not very — holding his knees apart and kissing Kagami on the cheek and neck.

They realize at the same time that they didn’t use enough lube this time, and they just stare at each other for a beat as Kagami feels what he thinks is the condom snapping apart. The abrasion had ripped it right open.

The next thing he feels is Aomine’s erection dying a rapid death.

“Oh fuck,” he squeaks, looking panicky.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Kagami says, grimacing as he tries to sit up and Aomine holds onto him, trying not to move too much. “No big deal.”

“No big deal,” Aomine pants, breathing shallowly. Kagami looks down between them and sees the ring at the bottom of the condom is only attached on one side, the other having split open. 

“Except my life is over!” he blurts.

Kagami squints. “What?”

“I’m gonna’ get sick now,” Aomine says pitifully, hands in a heap in their laps. “And you.”

Kagami squints some more, because what could he possibly mean by that. Is he talking about STDs or something? Was this another weird instance of gay panic? 

He pushes on Aomine’s chest to try and make him separate them, and as he pulls back, part of the condom comes with Aomine as he holds onto the broken end, and the rest drags out of him, luckily in one tattered piece. It feels exactly like shitting, so for a second, Kagami’s mortified thinking he actually shit the bed, but the sensation fades, and Aomine doesn't seem any more alarmed than he did a second ago, so. He’s probably safe.

Aomine inserts a finger, feeling around for any pieces left behind. He looks distressed when he doesn’t find anything, jamming his finger in farther than it should go. “Hey, stop. Say that again. _What?_ Get sick from what.”

 _“Aizu!”_ Aomine spits, starting to look upset at Kagami’s utter confusion. Kagami narrows his eyes practically to slits.

“Wait… What the fuck?... Aomine, virgins can’t give each other AIDS.” Kagami snorted. “It doesn’t just spontaneously form.”

Aomine is looking at him open-mouthed, and for way longer than strictly necessary. “What,” Kagami finally mumbles, and Aomine seems to jolt to life, somehow perkier. 

He points a finger and blurts, “Virgin— But you didn’t have your first time with me.”

“Fucking, says who?” Kagami splutters. “Yes I fucking did.”

“Okay, for putting it in, yeah, but you already—” Aomine looks at him like he’s never seen him before, shoulders starting to lower. “What, really?”

Kagami thinks he’s being made fun of, so he hotly spits out, “It was your first time too, so I don’t want to hear—” He stops when he sees Aomine’s face. 

That soft-eyed gaze of wonderment that gets him every time. 

. . .

It’s June. Summer has that feeling that it’s going to whiz by before he knows it’s gone. He’s going to blink one of these days and wake up in Los Angeles. He can’t wait to get back, but at the same time, he feels like he wants to savor this moment. He thinks one day he’s going to look back and miss these Tokyo summers, young and wild and not caring a thing about the future, playing basketball with Aomine from noon to dusk.

They're at his home, enjoying the AC. Kagami’s on his back on the couch, playing on his phone, and Aomine has settled himself on his back inbetween his legs. Kagami glances down, but doesn’t react, letting him chill there.

He’s been really affectionate lately. Cuddling and hugging him when they’re alone. Kagami’s thrilled with the novelty of it, but it can be annoying when he’s trying to do other things.

Aomine shimmies down until his head is cushioned on Kagami’s crotch, wedged between his legs. Kagami closes his thighs around his head to trap him, then squeezes. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Kagami demands flatly.

All he gets is a muffled, “Aw yeah,” and two hands on his legs hugging them to Aomine’s head. Kagami rolls his eyes and clenches his thighs around his face, and Aomine just hums contentedly. 

“Fine, c’mere.”

Kagami releases, and Aomine sits up and turns over, settling against his side, worming himself onto him so that they’ll both fit on the too-small couch. Kagami finds himself overcome with the urge to boot him off onto the ground just for the fun of wrestling, but then Aomine lays his head on the right side of Kagami’s chest and rests there, and the urge fades away. He looks absolutely precious like that— but only for a second.

Aomine reaches out a hand and honks him on the butt. “Honk-honk.” Kagami snorts. Precious moments for sure.

“You know what I like about you?” Aomine mumbles, nuzzling his cheek into his chest.

“Hm,” Kagami grunts, eyes narrowed in suspicion. So much for playing Temple Run in peace.

Aomine picks himself up on his elbows, the bony things digging into Kagami’s tummy and arm. His big hands cup his pecs, kneading them. Kagami tries not to laugh when he gets this weird image of Aomine palming a basketball, picking it up one-handed with ease. This guy was born for boobs— 

“If you’re setting me up for a boob joke,” Kagami starts.

“No, no, listen, I mean this one hundred percent,” Aomine tries seriously, but he breaks into a smile. Kagami starts laughing and Aomine grins. “You have the best, most cutest nipples ever.”

“Ehhh.” Kagami grimaces dubiously, still smiling, and allows Aomine to hike up his shirt.

“Look, they’re pink.” He kisses one.

Kagami looks down. They are kind of pink. Aomine starts trying to play with it and make it stand up, and he swats at his hand. “Only when you pinch it a million times, you perv.”

“They’re so pink, I love that they’re pink.” Aomine kisses on the other one a couple times. Kagami pushes his head. That tickles— 

“It’s not that weird.”

“What,” Aomine hums from between his pecs.

“Having pink…” Kagami’s brain flails for the word, promptly sputters out, and what he comes out with is an improvised, “nipple… landing pads.” 

He realizes immediately upon saying it that mistakes were made, so many, because Aomine looks a second away from an asthma attack.

To be honest, it is the worst and most unfortunate case of bilingual miscategorization and the resulting disaster when his brain tried to improvise on the spot that he’s had in years. Long enough that Aomine hasn’t even heard him do it before either. Great.

He stares for a full three seconds and then dissolves into hysterics. “... What?” he chokes out when he can finally speak. “Kagami, the fuck?”

“I don’t know the word!” Kagami hollers, cheeks hot. “It’s… Gah! I don’t know!”

“Nipple landing pads,” Aomine wheezes, shaking the couch with his fucking cackling. He hugs Kagami and then screams into his stomach. Kagami tosses around huffily and then lets a fist fall on his back.

“Shut up, what is it called in Japanese,” he blurts, embarrassed when Aomine keeps snickering. “Nipple… _something,”_ he racks his brain, fist at his forehead, “Ahh, I dunno’. What is it? I know how to say it in English.”

Aomine picks his head up, smiling. “How.”

“Alveoli,” he said confidently, then paused. “No wait… Aerial.” Or it’s something that sounds kind of like aerial. That’s where he must’ve gotten the landing pad thing from. Planes? No, why would planes have anything to do with nips. Ah, c’mon Kagami—

Aomine squeezed his chest a little, resting his chin on his sternum, eyes flicking from one pec to the other as he presses his fingertips in, enjoying himself far too much just squishing them like they’re actual boobs.

“....” Kagami scrunches his brow, and then it finally comes to him. “AREOLA!” he blurts, and Aomine jumps.

“Fuck, Kagami! I almost pissed!”

Kagami reaches for his phone and Aomine grumbles and quietly rests on him, turning his head to the side to pillow his cheek on one pec, squeezing the other in his hand. Kagami squints furiously at his phone, typing with one thumb on google.

“Wait, what the fuck, areola in Japanese reads as _boob ring?”_ He shows the phone to Aomine and glares, as if he’s to blame. “Aomine, what the fuck.”

“I didn’t make up the word!” Aomine snapped back defensively, not moving from his cushion. “And hey, what the fuck is an _areola?_ Boob ring makes a lot more sense than that does!”

Kagami sits perfectly still, trying to hold it in, chest tightening with the effort. Aomine’s face immediately goes dead-pan. “Say areola again,” he squeaks out, mouth starting to contort.

Aomine reluctantly tries again, and it comes out worse than before. 

Kagami absolutely _dies._

“Shit,” he finally wheezes, sighing, “Shit, there are actual tears… Oh my god.” He wipes his face, putting a hand on Aomine’s head, because he’s sulking and pouting his lip out, but he’s not picking a fight, probably because Kagami’s laughter is bouncing him up and down on his chest and he must like it.

“You should practice more, Daiki. I mean, I think your accent’s cute, but nobody else’ll understand you when you-”

“Whatever, who else do I need to talk to anyways,” Aomine cut him off, a little petulant as he hugged him around the chest and dug his face into him.

Kagami runs a hand through his hair fondly, watching the short dark hair scatter under his fingers as he scrubbed across it. It’s so much silkier than his own. 

“It’ll be useful in America,” Kagami murmurs, a smile quirking his lip. Aomine doesn’t answer. “I can help you practice,” he offers. “If you take it seriously then I won’t tease you—”

Aomine snorts.

There’s only a couple months left before it’s time to go back, but he’s sure he can give Aomine a crash-course before then, not enough to really be independent, but the basics. Plus, it’s a guilty pleasure of his to hear Aomine try to speak English. He sounds so silly, it’s crazy cute.

Kagami can’t wait to take him to California. They’re going to have so much fun.

“There’s other Japanese in L.A., so once summer’s over—” he tries, but Aomine snaps unexpectedly.

“Quit acting like it’s that easy for everyone.” Kagami lifts an eye confusedly. English is pretty hard, but he’s sure Aomine can learn.

It becomes clear pretty quickly that that’s not what Aomine means.

“Not everybody just gets to fly overseas whenever, Kagami! It costs money!” Aomine shouts. Kagami blinks, hand slowing on his head when it’s clear he’s getting an actual temper.

Where did that come from? What’s got him upset?

Aomine huffs and sits up, leaves him on the couch by himself. Kagami frowns, feeling a little queasy. Why are they fighting? What did he do?

Aomine’s been acting different like that quite a bit lately, now that he thinks of it. He’d invited him over to his family home for a dinner with his parents not too long ago and didn’t tell him why, and ever since then he’s been distant and moody. Kagami has to wonder if something’s gone wrong at home or if he’s worrying about something and hasn’t said.

Usually Aomine just goes quiet whenever he talks about California, but he’d always figured that Aomine was just listening. Now he’s starting to wonder.

He never seems excited when he talks about Santa Barbara, or about Long Beach, or surfing or street art or the sunshine. Kagami had thought he would be. He’d used to be. He’d used to ask all the time before they’d started dating.

Maybe the change seems scary. It’s not like Japan, after all. To Kagami, it’ll be like going home, but maybe Aomine’s upset about having to leave his home and family and friends so far away.

He forgets sometimes, that’s it’s not that easy for everyone to pick up and start over, especially when you think of what you’re leaving behind.

. . .

  
  


It’s the end of June that Aomine surprises him with a date. A really nice one. He asks Kagami to dress up nice with a button-down shirt and combed hair and everything, and then meet him after six. 

Kagami finds something passable and shows up at the right time, greets Aomine with a grin, slim and handsome in that blue blazer Kagami loves. He asks what they’re going to be doing tonight, but Aomine just smirks and says, “You’ll see.”

Aomine takes him to get their picture taken together. His hand is warm and firm on the small of his back as they lean close and smile for the camera. When they’re given the prints, Kagami holds it up to look at, Aomine’s breath in his ear as he moves in to look too. 

It’s a keeper. Kagami smiles at it. Aomine doesn’t.

“Where now?” Kagami pesters, curious that Aomine had seemingly put in this much effort to plan ahead.

“Just wait and see, idiot,” Aomine huffs, hand fiddling in his pocket. It looks like he’s itching to hold his hand but doesn’t quite want to in the open street. “Geez, for hating dogs, you sure are like a puppy sometimes.”

“Am not,” Kagami sulks, but eagerly follows at Aomine’s side. 

He doesn’t know what’s going on exactly, but Aomine’s acting strange again, especially tonight. Kagami can’t read the atmosphere, doesn’t know why Aomine keeps giving him this soft smile but his eyes look so sad. He wonders if he’s going to receive some bad news at the end of the night and this all was a way to soften the blow.

They eat dinner at a bistro and then Aomine walks him through the city in the evening, stopping in front of a club. Kagami stares up at it, speechless. Aomine clears his throat. “You… you wanna’ dance?”

Kagami looks at him, lips parted. Powder-blue suit jacket, soft eyes, evening light, the face he loves, a hand held out, asking him to dance. There’s no corsage, no high-school gym, but it all makes Kagami think of prom again, and his throat feels tight with some unknown emotion.

In the heat of the night, holding Aomine’s shoulders and dancing with him in a dark corner, where no one will see them kiss once in a while, Kagami doesn’t even think he hears the music. The only thing he can hear is Aomine’s breath in his ear, _“I love you.”_

Perfect English.

And again, when they go home and feverishly strip their clothes on walking through the door and do it right in his living room, half-undressed with the lights on, their reflection glinting off the glass of the TV. _“I love you—”_

Aomine kisses his neck, holds him by the hair. Kagami kisses him back, sinks into him and falls and tumbles into it, _love you love you love you— how much did you practice so you could say that to me that way, god, is it true, it feels amazing to hear it—_

It’s sharp in his heart, almost unbearable. It’s not pain but it sort of feels like it, the knowledge that after everything he’s walked away from, everything he’s let go of so easily, if this were to be pulled out of his grasp, could he survive it…? 

A memory of him standing there broken on the court, holding back sobs, nowhere to run to hide his tears, _“I couldn’t replace you. Ever.”_

And Aomine’s eyes calling back to his, _you don’t have to._

Kagami lays with Aomine, having lost the rest of his clothes some time during the night. It must be something like four in the morning, it’s still dark and Aomine is quiet and still next to him, warm and lazy as he dozes. Kagami lays on his back and stares at the ceiling, the air conditioner causing goosebumps to raise on his legs, and he shivers, the cold air hitting his bare parts.

Summer’s almost through. It’s going to be time to go soon.

Kagami’s not a jealous boy, but a little part of him is anxious about it. It’s a little painful to know that Aomine’s going to find new opponents over there in America, new friends. New challenges. Better, tougher, faster rivals than Kagami.

Maybe he’s always liked it a little bit that Aomine relied on him and thought he was the best out there. It’s bittersweet, just a little bit, to think that he won’t need him as much anymore. But it’s a happy thought too.

It’s sort of like letting go.

Aomine heaves with a humongous sneeze, snapping himself awake, and Kagami starts to laugh. 

He laughs and laughs— 


	13. Chapter 13

Kagami wipes his brow and slaps his fist down to the bed, sinking it into his mattress when his body quakes with the effort of staying up. Aomine pants and smirks up at him a little and Kagami grins back, swooping in to kiss him. He can taste the salt of his own sweat on Aomine’s lips.

It’s hard to kiss when he’s smiling, so Aomine kisses him on his smiling mouth, right on his teeth.

His big hot hands hug Kagami around the hips, hug him into the crook of his legs. Kagami lets his body sink into his, resting on him, and lets his hands reach down to rub along Aomine’s thighs, damp and sticky.

Kagami pecks him again, grins at the teasing squeeze to his butt, then sits up and holds his dick. They’d lain together like this for some time, and the lube had thickened and created an uncomfortable drag. Kagami wiggles his hips from side to side, holding the condom as he eases his way out. Aomine’s body tries to drag him back in, and he gives himself one last indulgent thrust down to the base. “Hmm,” he sighs. He loves being inside.

Aomine grits his teeth and flicks Kagami in the forehead when the condom sticks and pinches. “Get out, asshole.”

“Get out of my asshole, asshole?”

“I said what I said.”

Kagami grins and stands up, stretching and feeling good all over. Aomine sprawls out, letting his legs unbend finally after being folded up and pushed back underneath Kagami for the last while. Kagami snorts when Aomine reaches out a finger lazily, tickling him on the hip. He loves looking at him like that, relaxed, hair ruffled, sleepy and gorgeous, his dark body cutting through the white bedsheets.

“You want some mac an’ cheese?” Kagami calls behind him as he gets his boxers up around his ankles, pulling them up as he heads down the hall. They’re alone in his home, sure, but he doesn’t feel right about being naked in the kitchen. What if he had to answer the door? Or what if he somehow burned something important?

He leaves Aomine in the back to fall asleep if he chooses. It’s late and the sun is down, and Aomine is laying on his bed, naked and damp, the perfect thing to come back to when Kagami’s done with his late night snack.

“It’s like… 12:08,” Aomine replies judgmentally, after a pause and a fumbling clatter to slap his hand on Kagami’s digital clock and check.

“Do you want some mac an’ cheese though?”

“Fuck yeah I want some mac an’ cheese,” he crows. Kagami’s shoulders hunch with a laugh he tries to smother. The way he says mac and cheese is really cute— 

“That’s the response I wanted.”

When he’s done, Aomine’s asleep, but he wakes up when Kagami sits next to him and cuddles into bed with him with two plates. They eat in his room even though Kagami always says no eating in bed, and even though he’s pretty sure cheese makes Aomine sick he's happy to have Kagami feed him a couple bites. Aomine's always seemed to like all the 'American' comfort food he makes when he misses home because he gobbles it right up.

Aomine finishes the last bite and gives a long yawn. Kagami picks up their plates and stacks them on his side table even though the cheese will be hard by morning and need to be scrubbed off. Aomine yawns again and closes his eyes, putting an arm around Kagami and turning on his side.

“You’d better not blow it up in here now, Aomine,” Kagami warns, although there’s not much to do about it. He mentally groans when he realizes he just fucked Aomine and then loaded him with cheese, he’ll be too relaxed now to want to bother with clenching.

“Mm,” Aomine hums, half-asleep already.

“I mean it, Daiki.”

“Kay.”

“You’d better _not,”_ Kagami insists, and Aomine doesn’t answer. “I’ll fart back on you,” he threatens, after some thought.

“No.”

“I will.”

“Don’t start a fight you can’t win.” Kagami huffs, and Aomine snorts, opening his eyes as Kagami squirms down onto his side. Aomine’s finger lazily trails in a circle on his back and Kagami lays still, breathing into Aomine’s ruffled hair. They don’t say anything else.

He likes nights like this, laying in his bed, talking after sex until they fall asleep, or sometimes just going quiet together and hugging.

He’s almost asleep when he hears Aomine murmur something, holding him closer.

He thinks he hears something, but he doesn’t remember in the morning.

“I’m gonna’ miss you.”

  
. . .  
  


Kagami sits across from Aomine at a booth. They’ve gone out to eat and Aomine’s not talking much, sitting there and staring around aimlessly while Kagami eats his burgers. Kagami feels a little apprehensive.

If he’s honest with himself, Aomine’s been acting weird since their date. Aomine still hasn’t explained himself about all that. He hasn’t been himself since then. Clingier when they're together, but sadder, emotionally distant.

Satsuki seems worried about him, but when Kagami’s asked if something’s going on, she doesn’t say.

Kagami nudges Aomine with his foot, and he seems to snap out of it, inhaling sharply and then sighing. He looks down at the tabletop and finally spits it out. “... Does your dad know?” he mumbles, and Kagami’s chewing slows. “About you?”

Kagami’s heart hurts so terribly bad for a second. “Yeah,” he says. “I’ve told him about us too, actually.”

Aomine peeks an eye up, uncertain. “And he…” He shifts uncomfortably, swallows, picks at the table some more. “He doesn’t mind it?”

“No, he’s known for ages.” Kagami shrugs easily, but Aomine doesn’t seem satisfied with his casual attitude.

Kagami’s brow pinches. He gets the sense that this is a big deal for Aomine, but he doesn’t know why. He can’t tell what he’s thinking. He wishes he would just say.

Aomine turns his head away. He’s quiet for a long time. “Is it like that in America?” he says at length.

“Well in California, yeah.” Kagami shrugs again, unwrapping another cheeseburger. “It’s a lot different than it is here.”

Aomine snorts softly, eyes cast down.

Kagami grits his teeth. “... Something wrong?”

Aomine sighs. Kagami screws his eyes shut. He’s gonna’ break up, isn’t he. “Look, Kagami…”

_Fuck— please. Please don’t break up._

“I dunno’ if… Look…” Aomine seems to shake himself. “Fuck, I dunno’ how to say this.” Ketchup is leaking out of Kagami’s burger the more he squeezes it. “I know that… you already know I’ve got… _issues…_ an’ that I’m not like you…”

“It doesn’t matter. I already told you it’s fine to keep it private. I wouldn’t make you come out,” Kagami blurts quickly. Fuck, did Aomine feel guilty about keeping this in the dark? Is this what that date was about? He’s backing off, _shit, shit, shit—_

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Aomine screws his eyes shut and exhales. “Fuck.”

Kagami puts his food down, appetite gone.

“What I’m trying to say is, I’m not… gay.” Aomine hangs his head, stares at his hands. “I really like you, Kagami, but… if I’m gay with you, this is how people’ll see me for the rest of my life. And we’re not in California, we’re _here._ I don’t wanna’ be gay,” he whispers out.

Kagami stares, heart in his throat. 

_No, you can’t do this. I opened my heart to you. I let you inside me. I love you so much, you can’t do this. Please don’t do this._

_You said you love me. Don’t take it back._

“I know you think I don’t care what people think but… I’m not as brave as you are,” he breathes, ashamed.

“Are you breaking up with me,” he hears himself say. 

Aomine’s head picks up. He looks lost and sad. “Fuck.” He puts his head in his hands, brow scrunched. “No… I just… ahh, I can’t figure my shit out.”

Kagami sits there in silence, trying to swallow.

“I know this is wrong but… before we got together, back when… y’know,” Aomine mutters. “When I was first falling for you, I kept wrestling with myself. For a while I was really mad. Felt like you were making me feel like this. Like… you were making me… y’know, be gay.” 

He closes his eyes and sighs and starts talking faster. “I know that’s stupid, but it’s just how I felt. It was really weird, because I never liked anything but boobs, and then all of a sudden… So in a way it felt like you did something to me to fuck me up. I was blaming you for everything and I really tried to fight it. Finally admitting I liked you was a real kick in the nuts. I’m still really messed up over it. I can't stop thinking about it and it sucks.”

Kagami frowns, the tightness in his chest starting to ease. Aomine’s jaw flexes as he clenches his teeth hard, refusing to look at him. “I’m sorry, I just. I’m not gay, Kagami— I’m sorry.”

“...” Kagami stares at him. Aomine shifts uncomfortably. “... Aomine, I know,” he says hesitantly, confused. “I know,” he tries gently. “I never thought you were gay.”

Aomine looks up, red-eyed and brows scrunched. He sniffs sharply. Kagami frowns. Fuck, why is he crying? Why is he so upset?

“Did something happen? Why are you saying this to me.” He thought everything was going so well. They’d had sex and Aomine hadn’t backed away afterwards. Something must’ve happened. 

His voice sounds like a bucket of nails. “I’m telling you if I go all in and be what you want me to be it's going to ruin my life.” Kagami frowns.

“Kagami, I really like you, but if I have to pick between a normal life with tits and putting it all out there for you… I… I’m too fucking scared. You don’t get it, it’s not like I can be gay for you and then change my mind and go back to being normal... It’ll be too late. I’m sorry... I know you deserve more, but I don't think I can yet. I won't ask you to wait for me...”

“What the fuck?”

“Fuck Kagami, you could stand to look a little heartbroken,” Aomine rasps, glaring and scrubbing his fists into his raw eyes. “This is hard for me too, I fucking love you," his voice breaks right there, "And I have to-”

“No wait, go back, go back. What are you saying to me. What do you mean if you have to pick between tits and being gay?”

“I’m saying I don't think I'm willing to go that far,” Aomine wrenches out. “Even for you— I’m really sorry… I don't think I can. I'm sorry.” He keeps saying it like he knows he’s breaking Kagami’s heart and is really guilty over it. He’s looking at him like he’s just waiting for it to hit Kagami, he’s waiting for Kagami to cry, to scream and throw things.

Kagami’s just confused. “But… it’s not an either-or.” 

Aomine sniffs. “Either-or what?”

“Tits or me. You don’t have to pick.”

“What do you mean I don’t, of course I have to pick. I can go back to how I was… _before…_ or be… be gay with you.” He sniffs, putting his face in his hands. “I don’t wanna’ break up, Kagami, but I don't think I can do this. I’m sorry. Fuck.”

He picks his face up and looks at Kagami, looking like a wreck. “Why are you not upset?!” he finally snaps.

“Dude,” Kagami says. “You know you can like both. That’s a thing.”

Aomine looks at him blankly, puffy-eyed and runny-nosed. 

“It has a name— it’s called _bisexual_. I thought you knew that.” Kagami hands him a napkin to blow his nose into, but Aomine just holds it and squints at him.

“I’m a _bicycle?”_ he says in bad english after a long, long time.

“No!” he groans. “Fuck, I dunno’ the word in Japanese. Uhhh… both-sexes?” he tries, but he knows that word means something else.

“Isn’t that wanting to be a boy and a girl at the same time.”

Kagami deadpan stares. “No. Ugh. Shouldn’t you have learned this in sex ed?”

“Yeah and they told me not to ride my bicycle ‘till marriage but I already let you take the training wheels off,” Aomine snarks. Kagami rolls his eyes. Fuck, Japan is stupid sometimes. 

“Aomine— look, I never thought you were gay. I know you like girls.” Aomine’s shoulders tighten up again, sadness creasing his face. “Liking boys doesn’t make you gay if you like girls too.”

Aomine squints, a look on his face that skeptically says _that still sounds pretty gay._ _Is this that American ‘no-homo’ rule?_

“Gay is liking only guys. You like me and Mai-chan. That makes you a bisexual,” he tries to explain.

“There’s lots of people like you. You're fine.”

When he says that, Aomine swallows, and he looks at Kagami with caution. As the seconds pass, he starts to look relieved, like the weight of the world is dissipating from his shoulders.

He finally nods once. 

Kagami goes back to his burgers, satisfied. Aomine blows his nose.”I get to like both, huh. That’s fucking sweet, isn’t it. I love you Kagami, but I can’t help it that boobs are lit.”

“Boobs are kinda’ lit,” Kagami agrees. Aomine settles down, more at ease, sipping his soda and letting his foot rest by Kagami’s.

“Just so you know,” he says, after a few minutes of silence, “It wouldn’t be so bad to just be all gay.” Kagami rolls his eyes, he still didn’t get it, did he. Ah well... maybe in time.

“I can’t imagine not liking boobs, but if I got to have you… that’d be worth it to me,” he mumbles softly, and when Kagami looks at him, he gives a tiny smirk, eyes warm.

Kagami pauses in chewing, feeling his heart well up in his throat. 

That might be one of the most romantic things he’s ever said to him.

Kagami gently kicks his ankle.

“Shut up.”

  
. . .  
  


They’re fucking again to pass the evening. 

It never takes much to get them going. Someone bites someone else’s tongue during a kiss. Somebody reaches out and pinches the other on the nipple on the way by. Or grabs a handful of dick, or ass, or pec. Somebody gets too fired up playing basketball. Somebody says something lame and sappy. Someone says ‘wanna fuck’ and they do, because they always wanna.

Kagami pants, moaning out as he works his body hard against Aomine’s. He’s always sweat a lot, but he sweats like an animal during sex. Aomine hasn’t complained about it, but Kagami’s always cognizant of how slick his palms are on Aomine’s sides, how wet his back feels, leaking down his spine and between his asscheeks.

A bead of it rolls down from his damp hairline, down his forehead, creeps down the bridge of his nose, and then drips onto Aomine’s face. He watches it fall and then land, making Aomine’s eye squint shut.

“Almost there,” Aomine breathes, and Kagami lays down on him and lets Aomine hug his shoulders.

  
  


Kagami lays there with Aomine for a couple minutes, winded and gasping, before he gets off of him. He kisses him as he gets up to shower the residue off before the salt can dry. Aomine hums and lays there, arm resting across his eyes. 

When he comes back in his towel, drying his hair and rifling in his dresser for some pajama pants and boxers, Aomine’s on his back in his bed, looking aimlessly at the ceiling through his hand. 

“Remember when you said to just talk to you if I started to get…” he trails off. “Last year. You remember?” Kagami looks up. 

Laying on the gym floor after a month-long fight, sweaty and feeling relieved, a piece of his heart come home to him after Aomine apologized and he forgave him. 

“Yeah,” he says, pulling a shirt on. 

“When you go to L.A.,” Aomine mumbles, so soft it’s barely a breath. Kagami looks over at him. Aomine lays his arm down.

“Don’t forget me,” he whispers.

Kagami stares at him in silence for a long time, fingers frozen on the hem of his shirt. “Huh?” he tries, confused. “We said we’re going to the NBA, right?... Obviously we’re going together.”

“Oh.” Aomine takes his arm off his eyes, staring upwards. He blinks. “Oh yeah.” He seems to perk up from whatever existential fog he’d been in.

Kagami laughs, brow quirked. “Dummy. Weren’t you planning to go?”

“I dunno’,” Aomine says dazedly, eyes flicking like his brain’s going a hundred miles an hour. "Never thought about it, I guess..."

Kagami fiddles with his shirt, suddenly uncertain as a thought occurs to him. This is why Aomine’s been acting weird. For months now, was this the reason? All the times he’s talked to him about L.A. and Aomine hasn’t looked excited, they make sense now. Aomine hadn’t been planning to come with him, had he…

“I mean... I know nothing can last forever, but…” Kagami swallows hard. He’s been used to that his whole life. Knowing that everything he began would end one day. 

But Aomine has always been different. Kagami’s used to walking away, but this… this was supposed to be..

“You said between me and basketball, you love me more,” Aomine mumbles. Kagami approaches the bed.

“Yeah, I would pick—”

“I’d never make you pick, that’s messed up,” Aomine cuts off. “You know what’s pretty lit though, you get to have both.”

Kagami can’t help it, he fucking hugs him, squeezes him up tight, heat in his cheeks. Fuck. 

“Love you, Taiga,” Aomine hums, hugging him back. Kagami’s cheeks feel hot. He inhales, feeling fit to burst.

_“You—!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your support guys, if I ever get to finishing the Aomine sequel I'll probably just post it in bulk updates.


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